Dogma Page #29

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Bartleby throws his other hand forward and twists the Cop's head around in

one brisk motion. Loki's eyes bug out. The crowd takes flight.

BARTLEBY:

(releasing dead Cop)

Ladies and Gentlemen - you have been judged as guilty of violations against

our Almighty Lord. And this very day - I assure you - you will all pay for

your tresspasses... in blood.

(to Loki)

Wings. Now.

LOKI:

I'm not so sure...

BARTLEBY:

DO IT!

INT BAR - LATER

Azrael still hosts his captive audience, uzi trained on the mortals. The

Stygian Triplets surround them, brandishing their sticks.

BETHANY:

You're a muse too?

SERENDIPITY:

Former muse. He was kicked out.

AZRAEL:

Tell them, Serendipity. Tell them how I was slighted by the Almighty.

SERENDIPITY:

You got what you deserved, you yellow shithead.

AZRAEL:

Ever the apple polisher. I'd hoped that when you left Paradise, you did it

finally because you couldn't tolerate the injustice that was visited upon

your own brother.

BETHANY:

He's your brother?!

SERENDIPITY:

Not technically. We were created at the same time.

AZRAEL:

To compliment one another. Two spirits of pure inspiration.

BARTLEBY:

So what happened?

AZRAEL:

Yes. What. Lucifer got restless and started his little war for the throne.

Heaven became divided into two factions - the faithful and the renegades.

The ethereal planes were chaotic with battle, angel against angel. And when

it was all over, Cod cast the rebels into perdition.

SERENDIPITY:

But Azrael refused to fight. He wouldn't ally himself to God or Lucifer. He

remained in the middle, waiting to see who came out victorious.

JAY:

What are you - some kind of f***ing chicken?!

AZRAEL:

I was an artist! I was inspiration! A muse has no place in battle! Our job

is to create - not destroy!

SERENDIPITY:

So after the fallen were banished to Hell, God turned on those that

wouldn't fight, and my brother here was sent down with the demons.

Something he considers a grave injustice.

AZRAEL:

Don't tell me that you never questioned the judgement, Serendipity; that

you don't think the Almighty acted too rashly?

SERENDIPITY:

You've been waiting for millions of years to ask me that, haven't you? It's

been on your mind since the moment you fell. It's been gnawing at you this

long.

AZRAEL:

Well?

SERENDIPITY:

No, Azrael. It never bothered me, and I'll tell you why:

you stood behind your office, you prick. So you were an artist - big deal.

Elvis was an artist, but that didn't stop him from joining the service in

time of war. That's why he's the King... and you're a schmuck.

BETHANY:

So all this is about revenge?! You're going to unmake existence because you

have a grudge against God?!

AZRAEL:

After the first million years, revenge was the farthest thing from my mind.

Self-preservation became the only necessity.

RUFUS:

Meaning?

AZRAEL:

Escape. Escape from Hell became my all-consuming reason. So I studied the

religions and waited for my opportunity to present itself; which flnallv

did. in the form of the plenary indulgence And while I couldn't exercise it

myself. I knew the perfect vessels through which I could free myself from

torment.

RUFUS:

Bartleby and Loki.

AZRAEL:

After that, it was a simple matter or waiting for a church to celebrate

their Centennial, and when that finally happened, applying some of the old

inspiration tactics - bv sending the pair an article laced with ideas. An

incantation I picked up in the Pit kept them cloaked and off Heaven's

radars, and aside from the Triplets and the Gologothan, no soul in Hell had

a clue as to what was going on.

(smiles)

Won't proud Lucifer weep when he realizes I triumphed over the Power in a

way he never dared or dreamed.

(shakes it off)

But no plan, no matter how intricate, could succeed if the Almighty was in

the realm of the quick. So I dispatched Him in a fairly ingenious fashion.

BETHANY:

How so?

AZRAEL:

Oh no. I've seen way to many Bond movies to know that you never reveal all

the details of your plan - no matter how close you may think you are to

success. Suffice it to say, the Catholics have been even more helpful in

insuring my success than by just supplying the clean-slate archwav.

(gets up)

The only X-Factor was the involvement of the Last Scion. I'm amazed that

someone up there would have the balls to make a move without the Lord's

say-so. Believe me - I sweated when you stumbled upon my boys on that

train. But alas, here you are - powerless to stop the inevitable.

BETHANY:

Look, a**hole - I don't know if anyone explained the rules to you, but if

you succeed, everything gets blinked out of existence - even you.

AZRAEL:

(beat)

Human, have you ever been to Hell? I think not. Do you know that once Hell

was nothing more than the absence of Cod? And if you'd ever been in His

presence. then you'd realize that's punishment enough. But then your kind

came along - and made it so much worse.

BETHANY:

Humans aren't capable of one hundredth the evil a shitbag demon like

yourself is.

AZRAEL:

Evil is an abstract; it's a human construct. But true to his irresponsible

nature. man won t own up to being the engineer of evil, so he blames his

dark deeds on my ilk. But his selfishness is limitless, and it's not enough

for him to shadow his own existence. He turned Hell into a suffering Pitt -

fire, wailing, darkness - the kind of place anyone would do anything to get

out of. And why? Because he lacks the ability to forgive himself. It is

beyond your abilities to simply make recompense for and regret the sins you

commit. No - you choose rather to create a psychodrama and dwell in a

foundless belief that God could never forgive your 'grievous offenses'. So

you bring your guilt and inner-decay with you to Hell - where the horrid

imaginations of so many gluttons-for-punishment give birth to the sickness

that has infected the abyss since the first one of your kind arrived there,

begging to be 'punished'. And in doing so, they've transformed the cold and

solitude to pain and misery. I've spent eons privy to the flames, inhaling

the decay, hearing the wail of the damned. I know what effect such horrors

have on the delicate psyche of an angelic beihg.

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