Dogma Page #30

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(beat)

Would you like to glimpse pain eternal? Look...

Azrael places his hand over Bethany's eyes. For about ten seconds, we see

some of the most f***ed up and disturbing imagery that can be crammed into

240 frames of film.

Azrael pulls his hand away. Bethany is fried, convulsing uncontrolably.

AZRAEL:

I'd rather not exist than go back to that. And if everyone has to go down

with me, so be it.

SERENDIPITY:

(holding up Bethany)

You're still thinking only about yourself, you fuckmg child.

AZRAEL:

Now, now, now. Things are getting too tense in here. What say we watch a

little t.v.

(grabs remote control)

JAY:

Put on channel nine - 'Davey and Goliath'!

A Stygian Triplet smacks him with it's hockey stick.

JAY:

Hey!

AZRAEL:

I was thinking more along the lines of current events.

On the T.V. - a sweaty and panicked REPORTER barks into the camera,

obscuring the chaos behind him. Screams are heard.

REPORTER:

...I repeat - men with huge f***ing wings have laid waste to St.

Michael's... Bullets don't seem to affect them... police who were on the

scene are dead... The remaining crowd has dropped to their knees,

identifying this as the fabled Apocalypse.. I'm not a man of faith, but I'm

inclined to agree with them..

(looking OC)

NO! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!!

(pulls gun)

PLEASE!! Please...

He puts the gun in his mouth and fires. The screen goes blank.

AZRAEL:

(snapping off tv.)

You see that? And I told them to keep a low profile. I'd be pissed, but in

a couple of minutes, it won't matter anymore.

While he speaks, Serendipity looks to Silent Bob. Silent Bob snaps to

attention, and locks eyes with Serendipity. He looks to the golf club, then

back at her. He nods.

Azrael suddenly catches the exchange between the two.

AZRAEL:

Now what was that all about?

SERENDIPITY:

Hunhh? Oh. nothing. I had something in my eye.

AZRAEL:

(getting up)

Bullshit. What are you trying to do, Serendipity -get the guy killed? Now

who's the f***ing child? What did you tell him - to hit me with the golf

club? Are you serious?

(picks up golf club)

I'm a f***ing demon, and you'd have him assault me with athletic equipment?

(hands club to Silent Bob)

Well, here then - take it. Call it a gift.

(stands back and hits his own chest)

Take a shot - take your best shot. C'mon - c'mon, bright boy.

The Stygian Triplets snicker. Silent Bob stares at Azrael, perplexed.

AZRAEL:

Don't you know anything?

Silent Bob looks to Serendipity. She nods. He shrugs and swings the club

with all his might into Azrael's chest - which caves in, blowing muck and

sh*t everywhere.

Rufus, Jay, and Serendipity turn on their captors, grabbing the Stygian

Triplets by the throats.

SERENDIPITY:

BETHANY! BLESS THE SINK!

BETHANY:

WHAT?!?

SERENDIPITY:

DO IT!

Bethany leaps over the bar, pushing over the dead bartender, and blesses

the melting-ice filled sink. Serendipity urges Rufus and Jay to follow her,

with the Triplets in hand. They submerge them - head first - in the sink.

Cruddy steam and muck blows out of the water. The Triplets convulse and

fall still.

Azrael clutches at his sucking chest wound, dropping to his knees. He grabs

Silent Bob's leg. Silent Bob kicks him onto his back and out cold.

JAY:

(joining Silent Bob)

What the f*** have you been eating?

Silent Bob shrugs.

BETHANY:

What just happened?

SERENDIPITY:

(collecting hockey sticks)

He said it himself - he's a demon. You hit a demon with an instrument of

God - the pure side's always going to do the most damage.

JAY:

Silent Bob's an instrument of God?!

SERENDIPITY:

No - but the driver is.

BETHANY:

(catching on)

And Glick's the kind of a**hole that would bless his own clubs for a better

game. And the sink...?

SERENDIPITY:

You've got that Divine heritage going for you - sanctifing is just one of

the fringe benefits.

BETHANY:

Remind me to try the water-to-wine thing at my next party.

(to Jay)

How far away is this church?

JAY:

Three towns over - about five miles.

BETHANY:

We've gotta make tracks, people - there isn't much time left. Rufus, grab

his gun.

RUFUS:

Ten steps ahead of you.

BETHANY:

(going through dead bartender's pockets)

We can take the bartender's car - I don't think he'll be needing it

anymore.

Bethany and Serendipity rush out.

JAY:

We gonna make it?

RUFUS:

Was Jesus down?

Rufus and Jay exit. Silent Bob stares down at Azrael's body. Jay comes back

and yanks him out the door.

EXT STREET - DAY

Cardinal Click runs to a pay phone. Sweating and bloody, he looks a mess.

He presses '0' and looks around wildly - particularly skyward.

GLICK:

(to God)

Look, if you didn't like the cereal thing, we could've gone in a different

direction!

(to phone)

OPERATOR! SEND MORE POLICE TO SAINT MICHAEL'S PARISH - NOW!! PEOPLE ARE

GETTING KILLED BY...!

As he speaks, a large shadow falls over him from above. It grows larger,

enveloping Click. He drops the receiver, drops to his knees, and screams.

EXT SAINT MICHAEL'S - DAY

Bethany, Jay, Serendipity, Silent Bob, and Rufus stare OC, horrified.

JAY:

Holy sh*t.

Bodies, bodies everywhere - partial, whole, bloody - hanging, burning,

upended. No one is left standing. It's a scene straight out of Hell.

Bethany buries her face in Rufus' chest.

JAY:

See? And people wonder why I don't go to church.

BETHANY:

Are we too late?

SERENDIPITY:

To save these poor schmucks, yes. But we still exist.

BETHANY:

Where are they?

RUFUS:

They could already be in the church.

SERENDIPITY:

Which means that if they come out, nobody touches them.

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