Dogma Page #31

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JAY:

Are you shitting me? The brother here is going to shred them with his

Schwarzenneger special - ain't you, homey?

SERENDIPITY:

If they've passed through that arch, they come out clean. And if they die,

they go straight up - and we know what happens then.

JAY:

What if they just kill themselves?

BETHANY:

They can't - it's a mortal sin. You die with a mortal sin on your soul and

you burn. They'd go to hell, and that's not what they're after.

JAY:

So then what the f*** are we supposed to do?! Just wait for a solution to

fall out of the sky?!

On cue, a body plummets out of the sky and hits the ground before the

group, quite like Rufus had, way back at the start. This body, however,

bursts apart like a body would if dropped from a large height. Jay looks at

Rufus.

JAY:

Friend of your's?

RUFUS:

'fraid not.

OC VOICE:

It was a Cardinal.

They all turn to see Loki, leaning against a body or two, drinking from a

bottle of champagne. His wings lie beside him, filthy - blood spattered and

ashen. He looks exhausted. Rufus trains the gun on him.

LOKI:

Kind of hard to tell with his face like that, but the Rosaries are a dead

giveaway.

JAY:

(goes for the Uzi)

IT'S ONE OF THEM!! KILL IT!!!

BETHANY:

(struggling to stop him)

NO...!

She slaps the Uzi out of Jay's grip. It clatters to the side.

BETHANY:

(to Jay)

Don't you listen?! We can't touch them!

JAY:

I wasn't gonna touch him, I was gonna shoot him!

LOKI:

(looking skyward)

He's been at it for awhile now.

In the distance above - a mere shadow against the sky - something winged

soars and stops, releasing what looks like a very panicky human being.

OC LOKI:

We ran out of parishoners, so he just started picking up anyone off the

street. You're looking at eons of repression getting purged. If only we'd

been able to jerk off.

Loki drags himself a few feet backwards.

LOKI:

I'd step back if I were you.

They jump back just as the body hits the ground and explodes. Bethany

charges at Loki, grabs his lapels, and shakes him furiously.

BETHANY:

WHY?!? WHAT THE F*** DO YOU HOPE TO PROVE?!? ALL THESE PEOPLE - WHY?!?

JAY:

(to Rufus)

I thought we weren't supposed to touch them?

RUFUS:

I think our Bethan's about hit her ceiling.

Loki slaps Bethany away, non-chalantly.

LOKI:

This wasn't my idea. alright? I just wanted to go home.

(takes a big champagne swig)

We both wanted to go home. But he snapped. When he realized who you were

and what you'd have to do, he just lost it.

(smiles)

You know what's funny about it? He never could stand to see me work. He

said he always felt son~' for you people - that you didn't know any better.

(looks up)

Now look at him.

JAY:

This guy's drunker than hell.

SERENDIPITY:

Which means he's human now - his wings have been cut off.

(slapping Loki to sober him up)

Loki! Loki!

LOKI:

(recognizing her)

The Muse. Haven't seen you in a long time. What's with the tits?

SERENDIPITY:

Loki - have you walked through the arch yet? C'mon. tell me! Have you gone

in and come out through the archway yet?!

VOICE:

No.

Bartleby lands beside them, draping his wings at his sides, brushing

himself off.

BARTLEBY:

We were awaiting your arrival.

SERENDIPITY:

Bartleby - listen to me! You can't go through with this! Azrael was just

using you! If you go back this way...

Bartleby slaps her down.

BARTLEBY:

I've become aware of the reprocussions, Muse. I know what I'm doing.

Bethany leaps at him, all fists and fury.

BETHANY:

YOU F***! YOU SICK, TWISTED F***!! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!! LOOK AT All

you've

done...!

Bartleby subdues her. He strokes her hair.

BARTLEBY:

Bethany - you of all people should understand what I'm t~'ing to accomplish

here. You too have been abandonned. You know what it's like to be cast

aside. But while you've only felt the devastating effects for a few years,

I've dealt with it for millenia. And while you never see your ex-husband or

how blissful he is with his new wife...

(picks up her face and smiles at her)

And he is...

(drops her head)

..seeing you people everywhere. everyday, trapped on this perfect little

world He created for you... it's a constant reminder that though my kind

came first, your kind was most revered. And your kind knows forgiveness,

while my kind knows regret. A lesson must be taught. All are accountable...

even God.

(steps back)

Soon a cadre of police will arrive, just in time to kill us as we exit the

church. And then this failed experiment called existence will cease to be.

Loki stumbles to his feet.

LOKI:

I can't... let you do this, Bartleby...

(he sways as if drunk)

I didn't know we... would end existence...

BARTLEBY:

(to Bethany)

My compatriot. Genocide takes a lot out of him. He's weakened. And more

importantly. he's now a human being. A condition that carries two

liabilities:
a conscience...

Bartleby pulls a knife and guts Loki. He stares at Bartleby as he dies,

confused and betrayed. Serendipity nods to Rufus and Silent Bob.

BARTLEBY:

..and a short life span.

(in a whisper; to Loki)

Sorry, old friend - but you lost the faith.

Rufus and Serendipity and Silent Bob jump Bartleby and start throwing

punches. Silent Bob bites his wing. Jay grabs Bethany and pulls her behind

a bush.

BETHANY:

(peering out from behind)

He's lost it! We're f***ed! We're absolutely f***ed!

JAY:

(pulling off clothes)

I hear you.

BETHANY:

I can't believe this sh*t! We're on the brink of nonexistence and God's

still nowhere to be found! What the f*** kind of deity gets kidnapped?!

JAY:

(pulling open pants)

Amen to that.

BETHANY:

(suddenly notices him)

What the hell are you doing?!

JAY:

I'd say we've got about five minutes left to live; the whole world's going

to end. You said you'd f*** me.

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