Doors Open Page #2

What, by the art college?

No, Allan, by your bank.

What do you mean? I mean they're

gonna destroy my collection,

break it up and flog it off

as if it's so much junk.

Oh, I'm sorry, Robert. Although, it's

not like it was your full-time job.

And technically, those

paintings are their property.

I warn you, Allan,

I'm not in the mood.

It's the new CEO. He's on a mission

. Whole floors of people are being sacked.

Nobody tells you anything. It's all

done by stealth. You'll be all right.

Well, I hope so. I have a meeting

with human resources tomorrow.

You haven't put a foot wrong,

have you? Not in 20 years.

Anyway, enough of this

doom and gloom. You've

just sold your company

. We should be celebrating.

Yeah. Laura is back.

She's in charge of

selling the collection.

Bloody hell.

I am still here.

Drink? Drink, yeah. I'll get them.

Three more of these, please.

25 years it's

taken me to put that

collection together!

And each picture chosen

not just on its merit

but as part of a kind of Scottish

symphonic ensemble, you know?

I'm sorry. I know how much

that collection meant to you.

Well, they are not gonna

get away with it!

I just don't see

what you can do about it.

To be honest,

I have seen this day coming.

It's a little sooner

than I anticipated, but

that doesn't matter. I

have it all planned.

I'm gonna need your help.

Help? With what?

I have chosen one or two pictures

that are close to my heart.

Cadell, Cameron,

nothing too ostentatious.

You know them, Mike. Yeah.

Well, I believe we can remove them

without too much trouble.

Remove? You mean steal? No,

I don't mean steal! I mean liberate.

What, in a heist?

Like the Italian Job? If you like.

Only less Italian. I can't quite

see you in a mini, Robert.

Can you, Mike? Oh, bugger it.

Allan, what hotel

do the bank put people up in?

What?

Which... Oh, never mind. It'll probably

be the Sheraton. Please, Mike, don't...

Hello. Er, can you do me a favour?

Can you see if there's

a Laura Stanton staying here?

(DISTANT LAUGHTER AND CHATTER)

So that's agreed.

You, me and Mike are

going to lubricate..

. We're going to liberate

those paintings, yes?

So... Shh, don't tell anybody.

It's gonna be the crime

of the century. Shh.

We can do it!

Yeah.

Go on, then. Go on.

Ohh! Wonder goal!

Nobody's renting commercial space

just now.

Honestly, if you saw

half the stuff I've got

on my books... Sorry,

what's your name?

Sharon.

Sharon, this is your priority.

I don't wanna hear about other clients.

I promise you, we're doing our best.

Have you seen the new brochures?

Ah. Hey!

We're working here!

Business! Sorry, boss. It's him.

(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)

Clowns! Hello. How are you?

One second. Well, nice to meet you,

Sharon. The boys will show you out.

How you doing, mucker?

Ah, no, I've not been avoiding you.

I've just... See you, darling.

..a wee fiscal situation.

But you know I'm good for the money.

You better had be, Charlie,

or you'll be getting a visitor.

No, there's no need for that.

I'll get you your money.

"Aye. Well, make sure you do."

Pablo Picasso.

Sexual philanderer, certainly,

but more importantly,

towering genius.

This giant of the 20th century

once famously said,

"Bad artists copy.

Great artists steal."

This week, I want you to

steal from a great artist,

and with that theft,

to make a work of your own.

That's it. Go away. Off. Go paint.

Hello. Ah! Come in, come in.

Tell me, what do you see?

A skull. You've shown me it before.

The anamorphosis.

Yeah, I love it.

It's Holbein's little joke.

Memento mori,

a reminder of our own mortality.

Because in the great scale of

things, Mike, life is short.

Will you have a wee sensation?

It's a wee bit early for me.

Oh, OK. Do you know what I like

about you, Mike?

It's your passion. Sure.

You see something you want,

you grab it with both hands.

Yeah, once, maybe.

I'm not sure anymore.

Slainte. Slainte.

Ahh. Right, so, you said

you wanted to show me something.

I'm pretty sure

it wasn't Holbein's skull. No.

Remember this? Take a look.

(SIGHS) Monboddo.

When did you take this? Yesterday

afternoon in the repository.

I'm afraid it's now

part of the bank's collection.

What's it doing there? Laura took it

with her when she went to...

She sold it.

Yeah. About a yeah and a half ago,

in fact.

I was lucky to get the chance

to acquire it, really.

On the bank's behalf, obviously.

Her gallery was in trouble.

I felt it was the

least we could do. Why

didn't you tell me?

Well, it was just after the break up

and you were in a mess

and we just felt that it would

make things worse. Who's we?

Oh, well, I asked Allan's advice

when Laura approached me.

(LAUGHS) And what did Allan say?

Er, it's just a picture.

But it's not just a picture,

is it, Mike? No.

It's got secrets. Significances.

It's a funny thing, art, isn't it?

I mean, you think it's about

history, education, culture, taste,

money, and it's not.

It buries itself inside you,

doesn't it?

It gets under your skin.

Why are you telling me this?

Well, what I said last night,

I meant it.

I want those pictures, Mike.

And I think I know how to get them.

And I wondered if there was one

in particular which you might want.

Right, well, I guess I'll just more

or less start at the beginning.

Identify each work,

check it against

the original sales receipts.

You know, we could do very well out

of this, Laura. You make this sale,

we can get out of here

and we're on our way to New York.

I know this can't be easy for you.

No, me? I'm fine. I just...

I just feel bad for Robert,

that's all.

And Mike?

What about Mike? What about Mike?

I haven't spoken to Mike in over

two years. It's not about Mike.

Well, but if you felt

you needed to meet up

and talk to him and clear the air...

No. No, I really don't.

I just wanna get the job done.

(PHONE RINGS)

(PHONE RINGS)

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Erm, 17 percent, I would think,

at least.

Sorry, one second. Yeah? They've been

trying to get hold of you. It's 2:20.

Oh, God, so it is.

I'll be right there.

Why are you walking so fast?

You didn't think to check with me

first? Laura, I already told you,

he tried your phone and I couldn't

exactly refuse him a meeting.

No, well, you can go to the meeting

on your own, then, can't you?

Come on, don't be childish.

How's that gonna look?

We're supposed to be partners,

remember?

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello?

Er, yes, thank you. Can you tell him

we'll be down in a minute?

Thanks.

You give us five minutes, OK?

Oy, oy, oy, oy, oy.

Hi.

Hi.

You wanna sit down? Yeah.

You look great. Thanks.

Well, better than you did

the last time I saw you.

Well, the last time you saw me,

I was crying. That's true.

(LAUGHS) And now I'm not.

Well, that's good. I'm glad. Mm.

What's this all about?

You sold our picture.

Yes. Why? I needed the money.

You could've asked me.

No, I couldn't.

Yeah, this was a bad idea, I think.

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