Dope Page #6

only as a term

of endearment...

as explained by Q-Tip in the

classic song, "Sucka Nigga. "

That's your room

right there.

After that,

they all hit it off.

Though he never used that word

in front of them again.

The mission at band camp was to give

kids from different backgrounds...

a chance to exchange music and

experiences unique to their cultures.

W- W-Wait. Okay, so you're saying

white girls will suck dick...

yet still claim

they're virgins?

Yeah, man. I'm serious.

Really?

Dude, check it. I've been getting

head since I was, like, 12, all right?

I've been hitting hos in the

ass since I was, like, 14.

It's true, man.

These chicks will let you fill

any hole, except the p*ssy,

with a dick, no problem.

So, technically,

you're still a virgin too.

- Yeah.

- Right.

But here's something

to wrap your brain around, man.

I've never had intercourse

with a p*ssy.

Mm-hmm? Only a**hole and oral. Okay?

So the question isn't,

"Am I technically a virgin?"

What the question

could be is...

"Am I technically... gay?"

Oh. That's deep, nigga.

Yeah. I don't know.

William went to-

prep school,

where he smoked a pound of

weed a week, skipped classes...

and had a 1.9 GPA,

yet got a perfect score

on his SAT.

He was accepted to his father's

alma mater under academic probation,

which meant he had to maintain

a 3.0 grade point average.

So, William hacked into

the- database,

erasing all grades

from the entire freshman class.

Small-batch, craft-brewed,

40-ounce malt liquor.

That same year, he achieved his

dream of having sex with a black girl.

You ever f***ed

on Molly before?

No.

Hey, nah, it's good, man.

It's like- It's like

being f***ed by God.

Everybody is going to Black Market

Reloaded and a bunch of smaller sites.

But, dude, that sh*t

is getting mad sketchy now.

If you nigga-

If you guys

want drugs,

I can get you good sh*t way

less expensive than online.

Nigga, we don't need

to buy anything.

We need to set up

a store to sell.

Wha- Nah, really, dude.

What can I get you, man?

I'm dead-ass serious,

nigga.

Dead-ass serious.

Okay.

Okay.

All right. Wait.

'Cause this is

ridiculous, man.

Why the f***,

after all these years,

you can call me N-word

and I can't say it?

Yo, look, we already

went over this.

I'll have to slap the sh*t out of

you again. I don't want to do that.

See, that's not even right.

I mean, like, really.

You know I'm not the one, all

right? This is all love here.

Look, let's-

let's get back-

Hey, you asked me

to do something for you.

I'm like, "What?" I'm down.

I don't give a f***.

Because you're my people,

all right? You're my n-

And this is where

I would insert that word.

It's nothing personal.

You're still my nigga.

But I gotta slap the sh*t

out of you based on principle.

- Let's get back to what's goin' on.

- No, no, no. Wait. Principle?

Okay, you want to talk principle.

What about Jib here, man?

This dude isn't

African-American.

He's like f***ing Latino

or Moroccan or some sh*t.

Where's this conversation going?

Technically, he shouldn't

be able to say the word.

- Why can he use it?

- Okay. Because I'm 14% African.

Four- Fourteen?

That doesn't-

Sh*t, I'm probably 14%.

I am 14% African.

Ancestry. com.

Look, we don't

give a f***.

- For real?

- Just say the damn word, okay?

- It doesn't matter. It's cool, right?

- I don't give a sh*t.

I give a f***. Don't say that sh*t.

I will slap the sh*t out of you.

No, no, no. No, you won't because

you have been outvoted by your peers.

I'm George W. Bush. I don't

give a f*** what the vote says.

Dig.

What the f***?

Let him say it.

- All right, you can say it.

- Thank you.

And I appreciate that.

I really do.

Now, like a nigga was saying-

What the f***!

What the f***?

What the f***?

Yo, it was a reflex.

- Reflex? A f***in' reflex?

- Dig!

It won't happen again.

I'm sorry.

Look. Will, we need your

help to sell this sh*t.

That's why we're here.

- Whoa. How did you guys get this?

- It's a long story, man.

We need to know

if you're gonna help us.

Why? I mean, you guys could

set that type of sh*t up easily.

Nah, nigga,

not like you. Okay?

I need to go ghost. None of

this sh*t can point back to me.

The type of protection I need

for this sh*t requires a hacker.

Anon sh*t.

You broke into

the f***ing USC database.

Hey, hey. No, no, no. Okay?

Samo did that.

I don't know sh*t, all right?

Whatever, nigga.

Look, we don't know sh*t

about selling dope.

Nothing.

Nothing about the units,

the terminology, the pricing.

None of that sh*t. I don't even know

how much this f***ing bag is worth.

You do.

Okay.

But if this is

a Samo-type job,

man, I can't just

do this as a favor.

What do you want? A

percentage of the profits?

F*** that.

Pay me in Molly.

Cut up the sh*t. You're gonna

want to measure it out...

so you can bag it up in grams,

sell it that way.

But, you know, what a lot of the kids

are liking nowadays is the pill form.

So, where we

setting up shop?

Here.

Here?

Yeah. Here.

Are you f***in'

retarded?

No. It's actually

genius, bro.

We have a science lab.

We want to enter

the Google Science Fair.

All we need you to do

is open up the science labs,

and we can do

everything else.

Don't lose that sh*t,

okay?

We have a computer lab

which nobody ever uses.

And all the supplies laying around the

band room would be perfect for shipping.

And the best part-

watch.

Nobody's going to suspect a thing.

We're just geeks doing what geeks do.

Right? That's what I'm saying,

bro. You're into it, bro.

What's up?

Yo.

What's up?

Hey, congratulations

on getting the store set up.

Now, uh, we gotta get you guys

some customers, right?

- Yeah.

- Check it out.

My house

is having a party.

We could use

a cool band.

Okay. Say we're, like

- What about if you're quoting, like, rap lyrics?

Say we're all listening

to The Chronic, Doggystyle.

We're all rapping along. Like,

what are we supposed to say?

I'm sorry. That's bullshit, dude. Yes.

- What about the artist's intent?

- Dude, that is exactly what I'm talking about, man.

Dude, I saw your b*tch, Lily, on YouTube.

Okay. Well, Lily is not

my b*tch anymore, so-

Then can I get at her, dude? 'Cause

I gotta find out what she was on.

Nigga, I don't give a f***.

All right?

Go for it, dude. Hey, but

for real, she was using this.

Um- Mike check.

One, two. One, two.

Um, hi.

I'm Malcolm Ad-Rock

on guitar.

We've got diggity Diggy Dawson on the drums,

and we've got steel-faced bobblehead

Jibby right here on the bass.

Play something, Fresh Prince!

All right.

We are Awreeoh.

We're about to turn it up, okay? One, two.

One, two, three, four.

What the f***?

Diggy, Diggy, Diggy!

Yo, f*** Molly, dawg!

It's all about that Lily, son!

How am I supposed

to eat my p-p-p-

pound cake?

Eat my pound cake.

My pound cake!

Is this Channel 10?

You're all out here, huh?

Hey, homey,

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