Dorian Blues Page #3

Got some work to do, huh?

Did you ever get to spend any

time alone with your father...

...just you and him?

Well... There was the time

he taught me how to drive.

- Know what you did wrong?

- No.

- You were driving too fast.

- No, Dad.

I was going the speed limit.

That speed limit is for

experienced drivers...

...under ideal conditions.

Not you, on a wet road.

To be fair, it is

nerve-wracking...

...for any parent to teach

their child to drive.

I don't know, he

also taught N icky.

I got to tell you, N icky... You have

the reflexes of a race car driver.

Doesn't he?

Doesn't he?

I want you to explore this

first major anxiety episode.

- You were seven.

- Yes.

You initially went to your

mother with this fear.

- Mommy?

- Yes sweetie?

- I'm scared.

- What are you scared of?

Going to war.

But there is no war, honey.

Vietnam's over.

Mrs. Tilly says there's

always another war...

...and then maybe I'm old enough.

If there's another war,

then you don't have to go.

Really, how come?

Cause we would all pack our bags

and move straight up to Canada.

- Where's Canada?

- Up north.

And they don't have

wars there, just moose.

- What is it?

- Dad's coming.

So, don't want to

go to war, huh?

Amen.

I can understand.

So what do you think instead?

Going up to Canada?

Mom says Canada

doesn't have wars.

No, no, they don't have wars.

They don't have wars

because they have us.

We're their line of defense

against the Communists.

But, what do you think might

happen if the Communists...

...ever got wind of the fact

that all our young men...

...would rather run up to Canada

than stay and defend this country?

They might get it into their

head that they could just...

...have Texas and Oklahoma,

just for the asking.

And then Virginia,

Pennsylvania...

...then New York and at that

point what would stop them...

...from running right on

up into Canada as well...

...looking for the likes of you,

and shooting you...

...right in the belly?

No, you're not

going to Canada.

You're going to war.

And you may get killed, but

you'll get killed like a man...

...for your country.

Dad, I'm gay.

I love you.

It's a common development.

I thought that's

what you'd say.

What did you want me to

say, that I love you too?

Maybe.

All right, Dorian.

I love you too.

Not like that, not like

you love all of mankind...

...and I just happen to

be one of them.

Besides the fact that

you're a virgin, craving...

...a first experience and that

you feel safe with me...

...besides those things, what

exactly do you love about me?

I guess that's

pretty much it.

I'm still flattered.

However, I do not under any

circumstances sleep with my clients.

Could you maybe refer

me to someone who does?

Forgive me father, it's been

awhile since my last confession...

...and uh, I've done some

of the usual sins, I guess.

I've disrespected my father

which to be honest...

I don't think I'm ever

going to stop but uh...

...something bigger this time,

I kind of had sex.

Well, that's a serious sin, but it

is common within your age group.

With a guy.

- Pretty big sin, huh?

- Yes it is.

Why?

Why is it a sin?

Go back to your side.

I don't want to go

back to my side.

Please Father.

Come on, you know it's me.

It's a sin because it

says so in the Bible...

...and the Bible is

the word of God.

But how do you know every bit

of it is the word of God.

I know it on faith.

A faith which comes from

years of research and prayer.

Both of which I suggest

you begin immediately.

I don't know, Father.

I'm not convinced I've

done anything wrong.

If you didn't do

anything wrong...

...then why do you suppose you

feel so guilty about it?

What's guilt prove?

I mean, I feel guilty when

there's mud slides in Ecuador.

Even if it weren't wrong,

would you really like to...

...live a life style which means

you could never get married...

...never have children?

No, I want children.

Then you haven't

thought this through.

But maybe I don't

get children.

Don't be so sure.

Often with a little

prayer and effort...

...those in your situation find

that they can desire women.

- Really?

- Absolutely.

I've been counseling

for years.

The first man I talked to was

convinced he couldn't be helped.

Today he lives in Ohio with

his wife of fourteen years...

...and their nine children.

- N ine?

- Amen, nine.

He called them his own

little baseball team.

Even got them uniforms.

You should see them,

they're cute as hell.

Hello, Dr. Mitchener?

This is Dorian Legatis.

I just wanted you to know I

won't be needing any more sessions.

I've found another path.

But I wish you luck on

your journey and... Amen.

- I love you, Dad.

- Ah.

Nicky.

Nicky.

- What?

- I can't do it anymore.

- Do what?

- It's wrong to be gay...

...to act on it, anyway.

It's even wrong to have some

of the gay thoughts I'm thinking.

It's wrong to even think?

Yes.

"Thou shalt not covet. "

It's the tenth commandment:

Thou shalt not covet...

...thy neighbor's wife,"

let alone thy neighbor.

- What have you been reading?

- The Holy Bible.

What the hell are you

reading that for, man?

I haven't read that

since grade school.

Well, you should.

It's mostly about straight

sex, and believe me...

...you're in some deep sh*t too.

- Well, we're all sinners, right?

- Yes, that's right.

So then I'll keep on sinning

till I'm like, thirty...

...and then I'll repent

and take up golf.

Isn't that how it works?

But what if you don't

live till thirty?

What if you die

tonight in your sleep?

Look, Dor, if I'm so

screwed being straight...

...then what are you worried

about being gay for?

Cause I decided that

I want to have kids.

Oh, well that's over.

Don't say that's over, don't

you dare say that's over...

...it's what I want more than

anything in the whole world.

- All right, all right.

- I want kids.

Shhh.

And not just one or two of

them, a whole mess of them...

...my own little baseball team.

- Base... You hate baseball.

- Yes, but I love uniforms.

So I need your help.

I want you to teach me

how to think straight.

You want me to teach you?

Yeah, I want to turn this

around so bad and I've been...

...thinking that if someone

like you could teach me...

...how you think sexually, you know,

maybe I could reboot my brain.

- You want to turn this around?

- Yes.

- Seriously?

- I've never been more serious.

Cause I have had some

thoughts on this.

You have?

Absolutely, I mean I didn't

want to push them on you...

...but if you're coming to me

I'll shoot straight with you.

I think I can get this

monkey off your back.

I knew it.

Tell me what I have to do.

- Now?

- Yes, now.

We're both up, start helping

me get this monkey off now.

Oh, thank you, thank

you, thank you.

Oh my God, wouldn't it be

fabulous if this were just...

...the answer to the

whole problem?

First things first,

don't ever say fabulous.

- No?

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