Dorm Daze 2 Page #4

Ah, we'll be rich. We'll all...

Dude. Dude! Break's over.

Get back to the bar.

Sure.

Maybe we should find some guys.

But wh-what about being born-again?

Well, we are. I mean, I don't know.

Look, leave me alone, OK? I want a guy.

I love guys!

Hey, Cavendish, your, uh...

your phone call's gone through.

You can take it over there at the table.

- Thanks.

- Right.

I don't know how you're still walking, Gerri.

You drink like a fish.

I can't believe the way

you were dancing with that guy.

Oh. Yummy.

That's not even your drink.

It is now.

Gerri, you know what'll happen

if you drink that, right?

You'll wake up tomorrow with a guy...

whose eyes are going

in two different directions.

That only happened once,

the whole eye thing...

and I've got my drinking under control.

Oops.

I need another buttery nipple.

Yes, well, of course I know we're docked...

at the wrong bloody island,

you blithering idiot.

Yeah, somebody must be onto me.

No. No, don't go anywhere.

I'll, um... look, I'll, uh...

I'll charter a little boat and come to you.

Yeah... you better not start getting cold feet

on me now.

Uh, Rex... I mean, Professor Cavendish.

Can I talk to you for a mo... ment?

Professor Cavendish!

Ah, hello. Hello there, ladies.

What's the suitcase for?

Uh, papers.

Um, so, look, we were wondering...

if maybe you wanted to have

a cocktail with us.

Ah.

I know that you're our teacher

and everything, but...

I'm afraid I'm in a bit of a hurry.

Besides, I really don't think I'm your type.

Ohh! What are you talking about?!

Of course you're our type!

We do it with guys all the time!

Yeah, all the time!

But not at the same time!

Well, no.

Except a couple times freshman year.

That was really fun.

- Never mind.

- Ohh! Ohh!

Ohh!

What?

You.

Ha ha. I should have known.

What, you... you want it, hmm?

Yeah?

You want the Pharaoh's Heart?

Plenty of people have killed for it before.

But I've been in tighter spots than this.

My favorite part of the play

was when you showed your b*obs.

Oh, hi, Rachel.

These fine thespians and I

were just heading back to my cabin.

What's the matter?

You could only find one guy?

One hot guy.

Mush!

Let's go.

Packet full of sh*t I bought didn't do crap.

I slipped it into four different girls' drinks.

Hey, isn't that the archeology professor?

Yeah.

Aw, man, he's totally passed out drunk.

OK, we should write "Caven-douche"

on his forehead and, uh...

give him a Dirty Sanchez.

Wait. I have a better idea.

Oh, God! Ohh! Oh!

Let's get some of Marla's panties...

and throw 'em on him

and then put him in the shower.

Dean Dryer...

wh-what are you doing still up?

Well, as my maiden aunt used to say...

that is none of your beeswax.

What's all the commotion?

Oh, nothin'. Just, uh, headin' off to bed.

Well, do try to keep it down.

Night.

Oh, sh*t.

Well, good night.

We'll be in here...

f***ing.

Yeah? Well...

we'll be in here f***ing...

harder!

I figured you'd come by eventually.

Well, Rexford, I'm not only

here for your convenience, OK?

Go take a cold shower,

'cause you look like sh*t.

Come on, Booker.

Heh heh.

Uh, why don't you girls get...

you know, started without me?

Make out with each other or something.

Newmar, Rusty said something today

that got me thinking.

Don't listen to him. He's a numskull.

I think it's time we make love.

Rusty is a wise man.

What was that?

Jumping fish?

Hey...

maybe we should go back to my cabin.

Not tonight. Tomorrow.

I want everything to be perfect.

OK.

I will make everything perfect for you.

Tomorrow.

How about going back to my room

for a few drinks?

Sounds good to me.

I'm starting to have second thoughts.

Shh.

Hey, Brady.

Sorry.

Fellows. Don't stay up too late.

We open tomor...

- row.

- Mm-hmm.

What's in the bag?

- Shoes.

- Laundry.

- Laundry.

- Shoes.

- Shoes.

- Laundry.

- Laundry.

- Shoes.

- Laundry.

- Shoes.

- Laundry.

- Shoes.

- Laundry.

- Shoes.

Uh, dirty shoe laundry. Heh.

Heh.

So how do we kill it?

Kind of cute, don't you think?

Stay focused, Wang.

Do we have anything poisonous?

We can't poison Choo Choo.

We gotta kill it somehow.

Don't think of it as a monkey.

Think of him as drugs.

- Aww.

- Aww.

Look at that. He looks like a little stoner.

Puff, puff, pass, Choo Choo.

Hey, hey, hey.

Rise and shine, sugar crotch.

My God, Stukas.

We didn't do anything last night?

Other than humping, not really.

All right, come on.

Time for you to get out of here.

I got another girl wantin' a good Stukin'

comin' over here in ten minutes.

Where are my clothes?

Uh, how should I know?

You weren't wearing anything...

when you showed up at my door last night.

What?

- Anytime, Gerri.

- Wait.

You're welcome.

Morning, boys.

What's up?

What the hell is that thing?

His name is Choo Choo.

We were gonna kill him and smoke him.

Now we're teaching him how to play Xbox.

Yeah, and he totally sucks at it.

What's up, dude?

I just need to use Wang's computer

to download these photos.

You guys have got to see these.

Come on, follow me, Choo Choo.

Hey, where'd Choo Choo go?

I 'on't 'ow.

Wang, dude, monkey gone.

Oh, sh*t.

- Choo Choo!

- Here, monkey!

- Choo Choo!

- Choo Choo!

Here, Choo Choo.

- Choo Choo!

- Here, monkey.

Gerri, are you naked?

Ms. Farber! My word.

This girl appears to have lost her clothes.

Do I want to know

the explanation behind this?

Yes. I was in...

my friend's room, and, uh...

Well, good morning,

Dean Dryer, Captain Bunkley.

I was just on my way to the library.

You know, catch up on my studies

for next semester.

Uh, Gerri.

What happened to you? Did...

did you fall overboard?

Well, it seems I may have been wrong

about the two of you.

The problem is

is I gotta find the right mood...

but I don't know

what the right mood should be.

Get some candles, some soft music...

maybe some colored lights.

Porn.

Actually, that's not a bad idea.

You know, nothing hard-core.

Maybe some soft stuff.

Just get the images in her head.

Where am I gonna find porn on the ship?

Whoa.

That's a lot of porn.

Are you kidding me?

This is just my travel kit.

Um, OK, so something soft...

romantic...

no penetration shots, I'm assuming.

Oh.

Captain Bluebush.

F***, yeah, dude.

I might actually get that grant.

Gerri is gonna go down.

Choo Choo!

What is... what's up, dude?

What do you got?

What is this?

Holy sh*t.

Some sunglasses.

A thumb drive.

Dude, cash.

Did you steal this sh*t?

Bad Choo Choo. Bad klepto monkey.

No, no, no, no. Wait a minute.

I have wanted a thumb drive,

and these sunglasses are badass.

Good Choo Choo.

You know what? Go steal some more sh*t.

Come share my bath.

Come on.

After you.

You know, I have, uh...

wanted this... ah heh...

for so long.

So...

So...

- so...

- Ohh!

Jeez! Are you OK?!

I'm just a little nervous.

I'm sorry. I know. I'm a little nervous, too.

Um, wait.

I've got the perfect thing.

- A movie?

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