Double Wedding Page #4

further communication with my sister.

My dear Miss Agnew,

you can't forbid me anything.

I warn you,

my patience is not inexhaustible.

Well, neither is mine.

After all, a man's home is his castle

even if it is on wheels.

Huh.

You come barging in here

at this unearthly hour.

You wake me up by banging on my gong,

scatter cigarette stubs all over my place...

...and then you order me about

as if I were one of Spike's waiters.

All right,

I'll act like one of Spike's waiters.

The boss says the lawn needs watering.

That's what I wanna do yesterday...

...but she no let me

on account it was supposed to rain.

She told me to tell you the paper today

says fair and warmer, no rain.

She wants you to water the lawn.

Mr. Keough.

The automatic eggs is ready,

three minutes each.

But I must speak to Mrs. Bly.

I'm sure Mrs. Bly

would want to be called.

I don't care whether she came in

five minutes ago.

Very well, ask her to call me

when she gets up.

Your eggs, Miss Agnew.

- Shall I call Miss Irene and Mr. Beaver?

- No, let them sleep.

- Yes, ma'am.

- Somebody in this house has got to sleep.

Yes, ma'am.

- Keough.

- Yes, Miss Agnew.

- How good a policeman were you?

- Best on the force, Miss Agnew.

- Crooked politics rung me out. You see...

- Some other time.

I think you can help me.

Remember the man with the beret

and the noisy car?

I've every reason to believe

that he's a dangerous criminal.

- His name is Charles Lodge.

- Phony name.

- Now, I wanna find out all about this man.

- I understand, Miss Agnew.

- You understand what?

- Blackmail.

He's somebody you used to know.

You wrote some letters

you wish you hadn't.

I did nothing of the sort.

Kindly don't jump to conclusions.

Don't worry. A detective is like a doctor,

he's not allowed to tell all he knows.

There's nothing to know.

Now, find out all about him.

Shadow him night and day.

Check the lunatic asylums,

he's probably missing from one of them.

I want to know every move he makes.

- Understand?

- You bet I understand.

You couldn't get a better man

for this job.

- You were the best on the force, Keough?

- Yes, Miss Agnew.

My, my.

How we all missed being killed

in our sleep.

Hello?

Hello. I'd like to speak

to Mr. Charles Lodge, please.

Just a moment. I'll call him.

Hold the line. He'll be right over.

Left hand. It goes in the...

- Oh, I'm sorry, Moe.

- Good morning.

How are you, Slim? Morning, Spike.

- Had your breakfast yet?

- No, I haven't.

- How'd you sleep, Charlie?

- Oh, swell, swell.

- Hello?

- Hello, Mr. Lodge?

This is Margit Agnew speaking.

I am calling about my compact.

I must have forgotten it yesterday.

Ha-ha. No, Miss Agnew.

You didn't forget your compact

yesterday or any other day.

Why would I be calling you if hadn't?

Well, you probably wanna see me again.

As a matter of fact, I do want to see you.

What time will it be convenient?

Oh, why don't you slip over

and have a dash of breakfast with me?

I've had my breakfast. Ten shall we say?

Let's make it 10:01. Goodbye.

- Oh, well, good morning, good morning.

- Good morning.

- Come in. Let me take your umbrella.

- Thank you.

- Won't you take off your raincoat?

- Thank you, no.

No? You must have some of this spaghetti.

It's simply unparalleled.

Not for breakfast.

I eat normal digestible food.

Well, it's awfully nice. Spike sent it over.

He cooked it himself.

It's lost a little of its curl

but that's on account of the rain.

Oh, here, have a chair, won't you?

Will you join me in a cup of coffee

just for company?

- No, thank you.

- No?

- Well, you don't mind if I go on with mine?

- Certainly not.

Mr. Lodge, are you really in love

with my sister?

Why, yes, probably.

How do you mean probably?

Miss Agnew, I'll be very frank with you.

I suppose I'm what you would call a cad.

You know, I find it awfully difficult

to resist a beautiful girl.

- It's a kind of disease with me, you see?

- Let's stick to the point, Mr. Lodge.

I want you to stay away from my sister.

I think I can make it worth your while.

Oh, you mean you think

that I can be bought off?

I imagine that you'd be amenable

to a cash settlement.

On the contrary, Miss Agnew.

You may think it very strange,

but we blackguards are rather sentimental.

I remember men in our regiment

who'd ride out across the sands...

...against the Arabs

to face a certain horrible death...

...carrying a rose in their teeth.

I seem to see you with spaghetti.

Well, you misjudge me, Miss Agnew.

However, I do have a price. Mmm.

I thought so. What is it?

Well, you see, I've always had an idea...

...that given the proper subject,

I could paint a really fine portrait.

Now, I'm sure that under the inspiration

of you and your hate...

...I could paint

as I've never painted before.

Well, I hate you.

What's your proposition?

Just this, I'll never see your sister again

if you'll just pose for me.

- Pose for you?

- Yes.

You mean, in the...

In the morning or afternoon, doesn't matter.

The morning light is better.

- Just a portrait of your head.

- But you've already made a picture of me.

That was no good. Your face

is too elusive to be painted from memory.

- How long will it take?

- Oh, well, how should I know?

Now, take Correggio. Correggio spent

20 years in painting a portrait of his wife.

Had three children

by the time it was finished.

- Coreggio was never married.

- No, of course not.

The bounder. I was thinking of Whistler.

Whistler never made a portrait

of his wife.

No, I meant his mother.

Oh, dear, so sorry.

I'm afraid I can't give up the time.

- Well, I'm giving up your sister.

- How can I be sure you'll keep your word?

I give you my personal guarantee

that after I work on you for one month...

...I'll forget Irene completely.

Couldn't spare a month. Two weeks.

I don't think I could forget her

in two weeks.

Let's split the difference.

Make it three.

- Very well, three weeks.

- Good.

- When do we start?

- Oh, we've started.

If you please.

Now, if I may.

Yes, you see, it isn't the portrait itself

that takes so much time.

It's getting the proper background.

Now, I seem to see you...

I seem to see you in a valley.

Uh...

No, no, no, on a hilltop.

Yes, on a hilltop

with your hair blowing in the breeze.

On second thought, a beach.

Your hair would blow better on a beach.

- What were you going to say?

- Nothing.

Oh, don't you wanna talk

about something?

Yes.

Do you take dope?

Ooh! Ooh!

Now, you see the advantages of a trailer?

This morning on the sea,

this afternoon in the woods...

...and tonight... How's the scaloppine?

Fine. Maybe it's because I'm hungry.

Bet this is the first time

you've eaten a sandwich with ants.

Maybe that's what tastes good.

I know I don't like scaloppine.

Maybe it's the Girl Scout in you.

I used to love the woods

when I was little girl.

Bet you were a charming little girl. Uh-oh.

- Are you a freckler?

- What?

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