Double Wedding Page #5

A freckler. Do you freckle easily?

You know, you'd look cute with freckles.

So would Irene.

- I must bring her out here some time.

- You can't.

Oh, gosh. That's right, I forgot.

Gee, that's too bad.

What a romantic spot.

Brings out the sheik in me.

A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and thou. Ha.

I'll bet Omar Khyyam never topped this

with his verses underneath the bough.

Look at these boughs, like fine filigree lace

in delicate greens and browns.

Oh, dear, dear.

Gee, it seems almost sacrilegious

for two people to be out here alone...

...and not in love with each other,

doesn't it?

Uh-huh.

Did you say yes?

Well, I mean, I can understand

two people being carried away...

...by an atmosphere, that is

if they have anything in common.

Really, I must be getting back.

Not in my covered wagon.

I'm gonna take a nap after lunch

under a tree. Under that one right there.

- Well, how will I get back?

- Walk.

In addition to being the most unhealthy...

...you're easily the most treacherous man

I've ever known.

I excel at everything I attempt.

Have some more gorgonzola.

I hate gorgonzola.

The pearl of cheeses.

I'll bet you freckle too.

Ha-ha. Cute.

It's very nice

to have you around, Keough.

I can save you a lot of wear and tear

on your shoe leather.

Yeah? How?

I'll call you up every night at 9:00

at Kew Gardens.

Give you a detailed account

of my movements.

Oh, thank you, sir.

Right now I'm going in

to see Miss Margit.

Oh, thank you.

- Would you like a cigar?

- Yes, sir, thank you.

My pleasure. Well, toodle-loo.

Toodle-loo, sir.

Wise guy.

Well, Miss Margit's at the radio station now

giving her style broadcast.

Oh.

- She'll be back shortly.

- Mm.

- Would you like to wait?

- I should be enchant.

Right over here.

Maybe you'd like to hear her

on the radio now.

With the greatest of plaisir.

She ought to be on any minute now.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Mm-hmm.

Don't mention it.

Felice, it's off again.

- What's off again?

- The wedding.

I called up Judge Blynn,

told him to postpone.

Agnew told me to.

There'll never be a ceremony.

There's more likely to be a scandal.

A nice, ripe, juicy mess.

A scandal about Miss Margit?

You're crazy.

I've always suspected

she and Beaver...

- Are you trying to suggest...?

- What else?

Hasn't he been living there for years?

Pretending to be engaged to Irene

so no one would suspect.

- Why she arranged to marry him off.

- I don't believe it.

And I'm ashamed of you

for even trying to suggest such a thing.

Voil. Pardon?

What...?

Gracias, senorita.

What can I do for you?

Just stand still one moment.

Good morning,

friends. Spring is just around the corner...

All skulls are divided

into two main classifications:

- Dolichocephalic and Brachycephalic.

- Brachyceph...?

Brachycephalic.

It's not generally known...

...that the human skull

is divided into 22 separate bones.

Oh, Waldo.

Gentlemen, will you excuse us a moment?

What happened?

How did you get in here?

Assault and battery,

but fortunately the bail is trifling.

Just a hundred dollars.

Now, when you pay it...

What makes you think

I'm going to pay it?

After the brutal and treacherous way

in which you've been behaving.

What, what?

You can do anything you like to me,

but you can't hurt Irene.

Hurt Irene?

I haven't even seen her over a week.

Well, that's just it.

You can't do that to her.

Well...

Waldo, I have a very important engagement

this afternoon at 4.

It's someone whose portrait I'm painting.

A stickler for promptness.

As a matter of fact,

Irene asked me to come.

She wants to see you.

She's waiting for you.

- Where?

- At your trailer.

- She can't.

- She is.

- Waldo, get me out of here quick.

- Then you will see her?

Yes, if we get there before 4.

- Hello, Charlie.

- Hello, Irene.

- How are you? I'm glad to see you.

- Waldo's waiting in the car.

What's he doing there?

- You better not keep him waiting.

- When we gonna rehearse?

Oh, soon, very soon.

You promised to go over

those scenes.

Yes, I know. But I'm acting

in the best interests of everybody.

- Now it's...

- But, Charlie, you promised.

I'll call you and explain everything.

Now scram.

- Say, are you trying to get rid of me?

- Irene, how could you think that?

Goodbye.

Ha.

Oh, dear, I beg your pardon.

Well, here you are. Right on the dot.

Miss Agnew, I have every reason to believe

that this is going to be my masterpiece.

Hmph.

That's what I think of your masterpiece.

Hey.

Hey.

- Get off my car.

- Why did you break my painting?

- Because you broke your word.

- I did not.

- I saw Irene coming out of your trailer.

- I can explain.

- I can explain everything.

- Will you, or will you not get off my car?

I will not.

Officer. This man is drunk.

- Officer, I can explain everything.

- Oh, a red, eh?

- Come on.

- Hey, wait a minute.

It's a frame-up,

that's what it is.

Miss Agnew's residence. Who?

Keough ain't in just now.

This is Mrs. Keough.

Say, will you please tell him

that I had tea this afternoon...

...with Miss Irene at the Normandy.

And you might also tell him

that Mr. Beaver refused to join us.

Well, that's all.

Thank you.

Well, hello.

Decided to join us after all, huh?

No, I'm not here socially.

Margit asked me to look you up.

I thought she gave orders

that I was to be avoided.

This is business.

She wants to see you at the dress shop.

- Mrs. Bly will be there too.

- Mrs. Bly, that name sounds familiar.

- What's she gonna be there for?

- A witness.

When Margit unmasks you.

Oh, I see. An unveiling, huh?

- Waldo.

- What?

Sit down.

- I'm gonna tell you something.

- Well, Irene's waiting in there for you.

Let her wait. It's a good thing

to keep a woman waiting.

But not too long.

Now, you've kept Irene

waiting for four years.

First, you let her mother

pick you out for her.

Then you let Margit

supervise your whole courtship.

And then, up pops a rival.

And what do you do?

Like a noble, unmitigated ass,

you lay down.

I lie down.

You lay down, instead of fighting.

Women don't like

noble, self-sacrificing men.

Women are not civilized like we are.

They like bloodshed.

They like forceful men like me.

Well, we're just different types, Charlie.

Oh, that doesn't make any difference.

It's the way you talk,

it's the way you stand.

The way you sit, the way you look.

Now, you look at a woman

as if she had an overcoat on.

Well, sometimes they do.

Well, forget the overcoat.

Now look, watch me.

When you enter a room, take possession.

Like this:

Yes, but why do you step aside?

Make me move.

Well, that wouldn't be very polite.

Oh, forget that. Now, come on, try it.

Now, enter. Get it?

Yeah. Yes, but look, Waldo.

Put your heels down like heels, not eggs.

Your carriage should have a certain

joie de vivre.

- Yeah.

- You see?

Now, give it some verve,

give it some dash.

Wait a minute. Smile.

Well, I am smiling.

That's not a smile. This is a smile:

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