Double Wedding Page #6

See?

No, no, no, man.

You don't have to use

your whole mouth to look happy.

- Well, I don't feel happy.

- Well, come now, buck up. Now.

I beg your pardon, sir.

And there you have it.

Oh, Charlie, it's too late now.

I've lost Irene.

You fool. You haven't lost her.

Will you do exactly what I tell you?

Well, what do you want me to do?

I'll go back in there to her.

- Presently, you come in.

- Yeah.

Walk straight up to our table.

If she greets you,

don't pay any attention to her.

- You come right over to me and say...

- Yeah?

- Say, "Look here, Lodge. Get to your feet. "

- Yeah.

- I'll get up and say, "Well?"

- Yeah.

That's all the dialogue there is.

Then you sock me.

A good, stiff poke in the chin,

but not too hard.

- But make it look good.

- And then what?

Then you grab Irene.

Take her if you've got to carry her out.

If she fights, so much the better.

Now, you got it?

All right, let's try it.

Come on now, here you come.

Look here, Lodge, get to your feet.

But, Waldo, you've got to put

something into it. You got to give.

Look here, Lodge, get to your feet.

That's it, now you've got it.

That's it exactly.

You're a primitive man,

yowling for his mate.

Say, it's in the bag.

Now, in about two minutes.

Look here, Lodge, get to your feet.

Get to your feet.

- Get to your feet.

- Who me?

Oh, no, sir.

Do you really think

I'm in love with Waldo?

Aren't you?

If Waldo were you, I would be.

You know, deep down inside,

he's very much like me.

Oh, he's changed a lot lately.

You know, I have a funny idea.

I don't know why...

...but somehow I have a feeling

that he's on his way here, right now.

Maybe he's coming here to kill you.

Maybe we should creep out.

- There he is.

- What?

And I think you're right.

Hello, Waldo. Are your ears burning?

No, it's cold outside.

Hello, Waldo.

Look here, Lodge. Get to your feet.

Well?

I said, "Well?"

I forgot to tell you.

Your appointment with Margit

at the dress shop is for 7:00.

Mr. Flint, where's that report?

Mrs. Bly is here now.

I didn't come here to look at a report.

I came here to look at a man.

Where is this combination of Casanova,

Julius Caesar and Bluebeard?

Wherever he is,

he should've been here 20 minutes ago.

Oh, pardon me just one moment.

Ooh.

Come in.

- Good evening.

- Good evening.

- Mrs. Bly, permit me to introduce...

- Stonewall.

Charlie.

Why didn't you tell me

it was Charlie Horse?

- Charlie Horse?

- Certainly.

- Then he's an Indian.

- Well, I'll say.

- He told me his name was Lodge.

- Well, it is Lodge.

I told you that my name was Lodge,

but you insisted upon calling me Horse.

Well, you said I could call you Horse,

if I'd let you call me Stonewall Jackson.

For the sake of my sanity,

you two have met before?

Paris, April,

the happiest month of my life.

- What about...

- Tell her about it, Charlie.

What... Excuse me.

You see, I was a professional guide

in Paris at the time.

I used to show people

through the sewers.

I can think of no one better qualified.

- Well, how have you been?

- I've been fine, Charlie, and you?

Oh, well, need you ask it?

You look like the very breath of spring.

I'll try to make this as brief as possible.

Margit, you smoke too much.

You swore to me

you'd never see Irene again.

In spite of that, you had dinner with her

Wednesday at the Lafayette.

You had tea with her this afternoon

at the Normandy.

You've been leading her astray

with false promises.

You promised to get her a film career.

You promised her

a Japanese butler and a Negro chauffeur.

You promised her a home in Beverly Hills

somewhere on a hilltop.

Can you give her these things?

No, you haven't a penny.

Have you gotten her a film contract? No.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Margit, you smoke too much.

Mr. Flint says the report's ready.

- Tell him to come in at once.

- Yes, ma'am.

Too much smoking will ruin your heart.

It's my heart. I'll ruin it if I wish.

But if you're to be my sister-in-law...

Mr. Lodge...

...in January, 1931, you were in Paris.

From there, you went to Monte Carlo.

And on February 2nd of that year,

you were in Berlin.

Was that a crime?

While you were in Monte Carlo,

you gambled night and day.

- Do you deny that?

- No.

- Why did you do it?

- I wanted to win.

Ah-ha.

- Why did you leave for Berlin in a hurry?

- Because I won.

Oh.

That won't do any good. I have a copy.

Oh. Oh, so have I. And it's more complete.

If you really want the story of my life,

I'd be glad to oblige.

With the details,

and they're very interesting.

- Mr. Flint refuses to come in here.

- He what?

He says he can't come in

as long as this gentleman is present.

Is he out of his mind?

Oh, so, you know my bookkeeper too.

I suppose you call him

Martha Washington.

No, but we've met.

This gentleman conked... I mean, punched.

- Mr. Flint for saying things about you.

- Things, what things?

- Oh, awful things.

Flint said that Mr. Beaver

was more than just a boarder at your house.

He insinuated

that you and Mr. Beaver were...

- Well, you know.

- Mr. Flint said that?

Oh, yes, he did, Miss Agnew.

And then this gentleman

knocked him down.

Flint called the police,

and they arrested this gentleman.

Well...

Well, it was nice of you

to come to my defense like that.

Oh, shucks. It weren't nothing.

Anyone in my place

would have did the same.

Well, I can't understand why Mr. Flint

would say things like that about me.

Well, maybe he's in love with you.

You know, people in love

often go out of the way to hurt.

Even people of your type.

Have you somebody you love?

- That's my business.

- Ah-ha. You have somebody.

I didn't say I had anybody.

"That's my business"

means you have somebody.

Mr. Lodge, we're not here

to discuss my affairs.

- What have you got to say for yourself?

- Who, me?

Well, simply that I'm going to marry Irene

and take her to Hollywood.

I may not be all that I should be...

...but when a man loves like I do...

...he can be made completely over

by a good wife.

It's Irene who needs a good husband.

She could never make you into one.

Margit, why don't you

marry him yourself?

He's in love with Irene, not me.

Mrs. Bly. You must be out of your mind.

People say what they mean

when they're out of their minds.

Oh, there you are, eh? Don't you move.

Miss Agnew, I've found her.

- Found who?

- His wife.

You did? Why, Keough, you're not bad.

There, you see?

Look at him, standing there.

Just as if nothing had happened.

- Well, nothing has happened.

- Oh, you big bigamist.

You talk about marrying my sister

when you have a wife already.

But we've been divorced.

Why, I didn't even know

that Claire was in town.

- Say, where is she staying?

- Waldorf Terrace, Mr. Lodge.

- Could you get her on the phone for me?

- Yeah.

She's a fine woman, Margit.

I want you to meet her.

Suite 311, please.

Well, I wonder if she's had dinner?

- Mrs. Lodge? Just a minute.

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