Down Terrace Page #6

for a minute, mate.

You're getting paranoid

in your old age.

Yeah, you are, Garv.

It's not him, is it?

I don't know.

I'm tired.

He reacted all wrong.

I'm good at reading people.

He made a run for it.

Not an unnatural response

in the circumstances.

No, I'm talking about

your general aura.

You know, he's a clown.

He's a fool.

He's innocent.

All right.

Garv.

- So you having a baby, eh?

- Yep.

It's the best thing

that ever happened to me.

I was trying for months

with Helen,

but she had a problem

with her uterus.

- Well, I did not know that, Garv.

- I'll tell you what.

I want to ask you

something.

On the night the twins

were conceived

I made this, like,

roaring noise.

I'd never

done that before.

- Did you make a noise?

- F*** knows.

I don't know, but...

So what's the name

of the lucky mom-to-be?

- Valda.

- Valda.

Valda Newland?

- Why? Do you know her?

- Yeah yeah.

She went out with my brother

a few months ago.

- Really?

- Yeah yeah yeah.

They were pen pals

together.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

She's had loads

of pen pals from prison.

She's a-- she's a lovely girl.

She's got a big heart.

Well done.

I'm painting tomorrow.

- What, in here?

- Yeah, all around.

- What color?

- Just white.

Oh yeah, nice.

Fresh start.

- Can you do me a favor for a second, Garv?

- Yeah, of course.

- Can you just hold this up?

- Right.

- Just there.

- Yeah.

Actually,

I'm pretty knackered.

You couldn't do us a tea,

could you, Karl?

- Yeah, sure.

- What time is it?

I've got

the kids tomorrow.

Ah!

F*** your kids.

( phone ringing )

Eric, it's Karl.

Yeah.

Any chance you could

possibly pop over?

Yeah, I'm gonna need

your help with something.

Come the back way, yeah?

Wicked.

See you then.

'Twas on one

summer's evening

All in the month of May

Down by a flowery garden

Where Betsy did lay...

Fat sack of sh*t,

he's done my back in.

- ( coughing )

- Oh, f***ing hell.

Bill will have a full-blown fit

if he finds out about this.

- I just don't want to hear his voice.

- Don't worry about it.

Tell you what, this is

a blessing in disguise.

For us anyway.

Jesus Christ, there's probably

snakes in here.

Yeah, we're gonna put another snake

in there in a minute.

Mate, the ground

is well too hard.

( groans )

We are never gonna do this.

It's gonna take all day.

Stop your f***ing whingeing

and get on with it.

I-- what exactly

are you here to do?

I'm here to help,

all right?

- But you've only brought one shovel.

- Take a f***ing turn!

It's not a f***ing

two-man shovel, is it?

You take your turn,

then I'll take over.

This is bollocks. We'll never get him

into this ground, mate.

- We're just gonna have to leave him.

- We can't f***ing leave him.

We'll just have to f***ing think of

something else.

You have a f***ing go.

Get in there and dig up--

For f***'s sake.

You're f***ing useless, you are.

Here's a bit of f***ing

soft ground here.

There's no f***ing

soft ground in there.

Yes, there is.

It's fine.

Eric:

F***ing coming out here

to commune

with f***ing nature.

- F***ing hell.

- I don't know how you do this as a job.

You're f***ing

useless at it.

Christ on a bike.

Look at you.

Jesus, mate,

hold the f***ing gate.

I ought to f***ing

knock you off, you ponce.

( muttering )

Are you leaving

for the country?

You say the city

brings you down

Leave the iron clown

behind

And feel the circus

moving on

Are you leaving

for the country?

I know a little

country town

Where dogs are sleeping

in the cold

And the flagpole's

falling down...

I wonder if it's gonna be

a girl or a boy.

- What, your forthcoming progeny?

- Yeah.

Science suggests

it'll be a girl.

Why would it suggest that?

Because the man determines

the sex of the child.

So what diff--

what does that mean?

- Well, you're that type.

- What type?

Well, the type

that science talks about.

What, the type of person

that only has girls?

What, you think

I've only got girl sperm?

Listen, man, you can't

argue with science.

Who'd call

their kid Misery?

( knocking )

Dad, that's the door.

Pa, that's the door.

- ( knocking )

- ( sighs )

Oh, f***ing hell.

Don't get up.

- All right, Karl.

- All right, Dave.

- I hear you're getting married.

- That's right.

( laughs )

Ducked 10 years and ended up getting life, eh?

- All right, Bill.

- Hello, Dave.

Garvey never went home

last night.

Bill:

Oh, yeah? Is that official?

Yeah. I've had his missus

on the phone to mine.

After one night?

He's on a short leash.

He never goes away,

does he?

So, uh, was he here?

- No.

- Karl:
Not seen him.

Well, who was here

last night?

Just-- just Pringle.

F***ing hell.

Pringle.

That's non-helpful.

Right well, look,

if you see Garvey,

you get him to give me

a bell, yeah?

- Sure.

- Karl:
Sure, will do.

- Yeah, well, I--

- We'll see you later, man.

I just don't want

his missus...

- Bill:
Take it easy, Dave.

- ...scaring up a big search party.

I'll see you later.

- Well, where do you think Garvey is?

- I don't know. He's...

I don't like this.

Do you think Eric's

into much with Garvey?

Eric owes Garvey money.

Quite a bit, knowing Eric.

Why? What's wrong?

What's Eric got to do with it?

Garvey's missing, that's all.

Nothing to worry about.

I think someone must have picked him up

between here and his drum.

- I can't go to prison, man.

- I know.

I'll never come out.

It's a confessional

culture, man.

People just can't

shut up.

Pringle will go then, yeah?

- But who has he told?

- He lives with his mom.

The kid's with

his ex-missus.

It's unlikely he's gonna

say anything germane to her.

Yeah, let's hope not, eh?

What do you think, Bill?

( sighs )

I don't know.

Mags?

Pringle tells his war stories

to whoever'll listen.

The mom's a notorious

chatterbox.

Just to be safe then, yeah?

Okay.

This is on me then, yeah?

I'll deal with Pringle

and his people.

This is turning into

a right f***ing massacre.

- Yay.

- What about the kid? He's got a kid.

Yeah, the kid's about two.

He can't even talk, can he?

I mean, what's going

to happen to the kid?

He'll probably end up getting sent

to a decent school.

Would you want Pringle

as your old man?

Can't believe they've brought this

on themselves.

They're so selfish.

Disappearances

and accidents, Eric.

No showboating.

Bill, come on.

Here, Pa.

- Cheers.

- Eric:
To Garvey.

All:

Garvey.

- Bill:
And Pringle.

- Yeah, and Pringle.

All:

Pringle.

- A shame about his kid.

- Yeah.

Don't think about it.

I'm not.

Still...

that's the way

it goes, isn't it?

A lot of children die.

What time is it?

What, now?

It's about 25 past 4:00.

- Why, have you got an appointment?

- Nah, I was just wondering.

( waves crashing )

- It's just nice to be out of the house.

- Mm.

Sometimes don't you think

you could just walk

straight out into the sea

and never come back?

You're full of cheery little introspective

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes