Down Terrace Page #5

- Is she always this mouthy?

- Karl:
What?

Maggie:
We can't all be

Father Christmas, can we?

- I'm just being myself, Karl, don't worry.

- Girls like you--

- pregnant...

- Dad.

I bet you don't

even know who by.

Karl, are you going

to say anything?

- Karl:
Dad--

- Bill:
Look--

Dad, Dad!

Look, if she says it's mine,

it's mine, all right?

Mom...

You should

have known, Karl.

You should have known that

this was not a good idea.

I know, but she's got--

she's got my baby.

I've got a f***ing

headache now.

Mom, listen, just--

please, can you just stop him?

- I'll be all right. Get back in there.

- Just help me.

I'll be all right

when I've had a drink.

( sighs )

Beam me up.

Do you want

some help, Karl?

Yeah well, there's a bit of pudding.

I'll bring it in.

I thought there was

some vino coming.

No, I'll bring it in

in a minute, Dad.

Let me get the pudding sorted out,

get it ready to serve.

- Yeah, thanks, Maggie.

- I just wanted to have a look at you.

Yeah. Why was it

you and he split up then?

I don't know.

It just didn't work out.

Quite a lot of temper, fights.

But he seems to have,

you know, mellowed a bit.

Yeah, he's got

a temper on him,

but we're on top

of it now.

He got new pills.

What do you mean?

Well, he has a few mood swings,

doesn't he?

- But he's a lovely lad.

- He's-- he is a lovely lad.

- Good night.

- ( laughs )

- I'm sorry it was a bit harsh.

- Don't worry about it.

- It was entertaining.

- I'm sorry you didn't like the food.

It was fine.

It was fine.

It was very sweet

that you cooked.

I thought you were, you know,

on good form tonight.

I know.

Okay, I'm gonna go.

- Give me a call.

- I will do.

- I'll see you out.

- Okay.

What a f***ing

little imbecile.

Not in front of the boy.

She's a sheep.

She's a follower.

I don't bully him.

It's non-aggressive advice.

Yeah, she's got

her hooks right in.

It's absolutely

typical of him.

- That was good rowdy fun, yeah?

- Oh yeah, oh yeah.

- It was good to see her again.

- Yeah, I'm really glad she's back.

Yeah. She should lay off

the fatuous advice, though.

- You know?

- She was just telling it how she saw it.

Well, I think

she should keep

that internal monologue

to herself

and not share it

with the adults.

I'm playing at devil's advocate

here, Karl,

but she's a bit,

you know, full of herself.

In a nice way, I mean.

Conceited.

I had a nice time.

Garvey'll be around

in a bit.

Hide the f***ing pies, yeah?

- Where does your missus think you are?

- Late at the club.

I don't know why

I couldn't tell her what's happening.

I told you, it's so she can't be put

in a position later on.

- And no phones.

- Yeah, I left it at home. Don't worry.

- So what's going on?

- Nothing much.

Just tying up

a few loose ends.

- Was it you?

- What?

F***ing hell!

Are you mental?

I've done-- I've done

f*** all to deserve this?

- Calm down.

- What's going on? You lure me out here--

- ( keys jingle )

- What's this?

Look, listen, I couldn't get a sitter.

Can we sort this out now?

- F***'s sake.

- Ears!

Sh*t, that's Chris Pringle!

Calm down, lad.

It's nothing personal.

- What the f***'s he doing here?

- An impartial observer.

F*** that!

Come here,

you fat bastard.

- Bill, what's going on?

- Everything's okay, Maggie. Don't worry.

Yeah, it's just a bit

of boisterous fun, Ma.

- Put it through, Bill?

- No, don't break it down. It's Victorian.

So what have-- what have youse got here?

Like, you got any tools?

Like a knife?

A knife would be good.

- You didn't bring anything?

- This is amateur hour.

- No, I was in a rush.

- Dude, what the f***?

- I've got a kid, you know.

- Are you on a f***ing-- you on a meter?

Even leaving the f***ing house

is like a lifestyle choice.

You're like my f***ing missus.

( yammering )

I've got the f***ing kid.

I've got to go to work with the kid.

Yeah. He's having

a kid as well.

Oh, are you?

You having a kid?

That's brilliant.

Congratulations, son.

Come on,

hug it up, b*tch.

- Cheers, Pringle.

- Oh, man.

- Dude, what are we gonna do--

- Look, let's finish this amateur hour.

- Oh, f***, yeah.

- Keep it down, man. He's in there.

Well, he knows

we're f***ing out here.

- Let's flush him out.

- I don't want any--

Come out,

you little f***er.

I'm gonna come in there

and get you.

I'm gonna f*** you up the ass

and set your hair on fire.

- Garvey:
F*** off, Pringle.

- I'm f***ing sick of this sh*t.

A little bit strong.

Come on, he's a mate.

Look, sorry about that.

Sorry, all right?

Would little Kurt like some squash,

Christopher?

- Nothing artificial, Maggie. Thanks, though.

- Oh, okay.

- Are my vitamin supplements ready, Maggie?

- Yeah, come through.

- ( knocking )

- Come on, out.

- ( cooing )

- Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Come out, come out,

wherever you are.

As I was a-walkin'

Down by

the Royal Arsenal...

Come on, mate.

You'll have to come out

at some point.

No, I won't.

You gonna spend the rest

of your life in there?

Maybe.

Come on, mate,

don't be a f***ing helmet.

Come on, this went far enough,

don't you think?

In white linen

And cold as the clay

So beat the drum slowly

And play

your fife for him...

- He's right...

- I know, he's in there.

He's hiding in there.

Tell him you can see him.

Say, "I can see you."

- Kurt:
I can see you.

- ( Chris chuckles )

Oh, f***'s sake.

Oh, whose life

was squandered

And another young soldier

Cut down in his prime.

What's taking him

so f***ing long?

Shall we go

and see Mommy?

- Shall we go and see Mommy?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, come on. I've had enough.

- Mommy.

- Where's my mommy?

- Good luck to you.

I'm sorry.

I can't do it.

This is an absolutely

disgraceful cock-up.

Listen, I'm not

used to having him

under my feet all frickin' day

when I'm doing a job.

You oughta

toughen up, mate.

You've left me

right in the sh*t.

Karl:

Is he still up there?

Oh, f***ing hell.

Nice one, Pringle, you spastic.

F***ing forget about it.

I'm outta here.

Come on, love.

- Yeah, cheers.

- That's lame.

Are you gonna wait this out?

My eyes are shutting.

Maggie:
I'm taking

my sleepers, okay?

- I don't want any noise.

- Yeah, night, Mom.

( knocking )

- Garv, are you coming out?

- No. F*** off.

Mate, it's just

getting silly now.

Garv, I don't know what

you think we're doing, mate,

but you've got it

all wrong.

This has just--

this has just been a test.

I've been nothing

but nice to you lot.

Yeah, Garv, but it's, like,

been a test of character

and you've passed it, mate--

flying colors.

- It's all sweet now.

- Really?

Yeah, come down

and smoke the peace pipe.

We'll forget

all about this.

Garv, I swear

on my unborn kid

we're not going

to do anything.

- Is that f***ing animal Pringle out there?

- Pringle's gone, mate.

I don't even know

what he was doing here.

All right,

I'm coming out.

Come on,

you great lump.

We never suspected you

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