Down Terrace Page #4

over this album.

I've told you

a million times--

photos were expensive

in those days.

Now hang on a second.

There's loads of pictures.

There's loads of pictures of you two,

of this dog that I don't remember.

And then...

I think that's my foot.

I never took any photos.

Well, somebody took

a lot of pictures.

It wasn't me.

( vocalizing )

- Are you going to...

- Is that my Gibson?

Are you going

To Scarborough Fair?

That guitar's worth

more than you are.

It's not a f***ing Gibson!

Jesus, I gotta f***ing listen to you play,

like, night and f***ing day

the whole time with

your pals and whatnot.

- Why don't you learn some chords?

- ( stuttering )

( playing chords )

I mean somewhere else.

- Hey, Karl.

- Hi, Chris.

- You all right?

- How's tricks?

- Come in.

- Not too bad, mate. Not too bad.

- Good to see you two out and about, anyway.

- Can you close the door?

Hello. Hello.

How are you?

- Oop!

- Where are we? In here?

- Out the back.

- All right.

I'll leave this pram here in the hall.

Is that all right?

Karl:
It's Chris Pringle.

Yeah, that's fine, mate.

It'll be safe enough,

won't it?

- Karl:
There you go.

- Bill:
Hello, Mr. Pringle.

- How you doing? You all right?

- Bill:
Yeah yeah.

Good to see you two

out and about.

- I want Grandpappy.

- All right, sweetheart.

Grandpa.

( babbling )

- Lovely, isn't he?

- Karl:
Good boy.

- Grandpa, Grandpa.

- Bill:
How old's your boy now?

Um... three.

Ah, that's a nice age.

- Had his first fight the other day.

- Bill:
Yeah?

- He's an indi--

- A little snapper.

He's an individual, is he?

Like his dad?

Yeah, twatted this kid

with a xylophone.

- It was brilliant.

- Really?

Yeah yeah yeah.

So I'll show you that.

He twats him

with a xylophone

and I'd taught him the two fingers

into the throat routine, right?

So I'd seen his eyes go--

'cause he's got his dad's eyes.

The next minute, he's across the table

with a finger in--

"No!"

Pulls him back.

He's at him like he's a f***ing junior ninja.

So they pulled him back.

I sees the look in the teacher's eyes, man.

He shat himself.

- A brick in his underpants.

- Karl:
Oi, Chris...

Chris, he looks

just like you.

Of course

he f***ing does.

Karl:
Yeah,

come on then, Kurt.

Do you want to help me

make the tea?

When I was out

in Bosnia, you know--

well, actually I went down

to have a holiday

and ended up just having

a go in the war.

- Cheap beer.

- Karl:
Were you in the army, Chris?

Which one?

Floated about.

Don't fight for no king,

no country-- no queen, no country.

I'm my own principality.

Know what I'm saying?

Bill:
Amen.

Yeah. Amen.

Testify, brother.

- You know the truth.

- Passport to Pringle.

- Huh?

- Passport to Pringle.

- ( laughing ) What does that mean?

- Oh.

- Bill:
So I'm standing there in the court...

- ( blowing raspberries )

- ( Kurt giggling )

- ...and all of a sudden--

Less of that bit,

will you?

- Sorry?

- Less of that.

I don't mind the cuddling,

but none of the kissing

and farting noises,

all right?

Just stay

where I can see you.

Play up and down the hall if you want.

That's fine.

But don't be taking him

into your other room or anything.

- ( cooing )

- ( laughing )

Listen, if youse boys

need anything done,

just give me a shout,

won't you?

- So...

- Hmm?

- ( whacking )

- Oh, of course. Don't worry.

Got the car out the back--

hatchback.

A roll of carpet,

gaffer tape,

lump hammer--

it's all there.

Good to go.

Shovel, small handle.

Give me 15 minutes--

boom, South Downs.

- Good boy.

- All right?

Modern life

these days, you see?

- You gotta market.

- Bill:
You got a point there, Chris.

- Have you got a web presence?

- Not yet.

Listen, catch youse later,

all right?

Nice to see you.

Keep it--

- keep it tight.

- Have a good one.

- Nice to see your kid as well, man.

- He's lovely, isn't he?

He took to you,

didn't he?

Come on.

Come on, sweetheart.

- You gonna go with your dad?

- Is he up the stairs?

I was thinking about

having Valda round,

having a bit of dinner.

I suppose.

Maggie?

I haven't got much in.

I'll cook it.

Yeah, fine.

- Bill:
Karl.

- Yeah?

Look at this glass

you've just given me.

Karl:

Say again?

Well, I'm not going

to say anything.

Would you mind

having a look at that?

It's fine.

You know, this is the first time

I've come over for dinner.

Really? Hmm.

That was rude of us.

Bill:
How long did you go out together?

About three weeks?

- A year.

- A year?

Is that right, Maggie?

- Was it that long?

- A year.

Oh, yeah. Well, what do you

see in him then?

What do you mean?

There's lots to see in him.

Dad, just--

Please, Dad, just...

It's not an interrogation, yeah?

It's just...

( Valda clears throat )

To happy families,

all right?

Tonight at least.

Happy families.

- Happy families.

- Bill:
All right, okay.

- All:
Happy families.

- Cheers, everyone. Cheers, Mom.

Valda:

Do you need a hand?

Oh, f***.

Sh*t, f***.

Valda:
I don't really see

my parents much anymore.

- Bill:
Oh, why's that?

- Personal reasons.

Ma, have we got a--

a thing for the pasta?

Oh, it's all right.

I found it.

Valda:

So he does a lot of cooking

around here then,

Bill?

- No. He hardly ever cooks.

- Sh*t.

He's only cooking

because you're here.

Valda:
It's very nice of him

to make the effort, isn't it?

Well, he can be

a good lad, yeah.

He's all right really.

Maggie:

Only the best tonight.

Do you know what this

is called, this pattern?

- Is it the willow?

- Yeah, it's the willow pattern.

It's a story about

runaway lovers, isn't it?

Going over the bridge,

I think.

Is that right?

- Did they have a happy ending?

- I don't think so.

Oh, I think that's

what the birds are.

I think maybe that's the souls of the lovers

after they've been murdered.

Karl:

What it is, I can tell you,

is the lovers...

got chased

over the bridge by her dad,

who's the fisherman,

and he trapped them on the island

and broke down

the bridge.

They were trapped forever, but then

they turned into birds and they were free.

- He's a fountain of knowledge, isn't he?

- I never knew that.

- Had those since our wedding-- never knew.

- Bill:
Ah.

- Maggie:
Lovely.

- Valda:
Mm, you win 20p.

Karl:

A bit of salad there, Mom?

Bill:
Well, I can't say

that you're not pretty.

- There he goes, the charmer.

- Valda:
Thanks.

- ( laughs ) Yeah.

- Maggie:
Aren't you?

Well, you know,

if I was 20 years younger...

- Maggie:
He was a devil.

- Karl:
It's more like 35 years younger, Dad.

Oh, all right,

35 years.

( laughter )

When he had hair.

Karl, could you get me

some water, please?

Thank you.

I think your problem is you don't give Karl

enough credit.

That's not true.

Well, if I'm honest,

I think you bully him.

You just pick at him

all the time.

Pick pick pick.

You just get at him all the time.

Look, it's banter. You don't understand

how this house works.

I think I do.

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