Down with Love Page #2

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He says I resent you

for being a self-made man...

as opposed to the son

of a self-made man.

Here. Hope you have your garters

from last night. There's none in here.

Garters? I haven't worn garters

since Nixon conceded.

What, are you turning into

some sort of beatnik?

Step into the future.

Garters are a thing of the past.

I don't know, Catch.

I have enough

of an insecurity complex...

without worrying about

my socks falling down.

How can you be confident you won't show

a shiny shin when you cross your legs?

It's a miracle of the space age.

Silk manufacturers are using new wonder

fibers like Lycra, Orlon and Dacron...

to put super stay-up power

into their over-the-calf sock.

What would you say is

the average length for most men?

How would I know?

You think I spend all my time in the locker

room at the club making a comparative study?

Let me see yours again, then.

We could measure.

I'll get a ruler.

Better make it a yardstick.

Let's be accurate. Make sure

you've got it fully extended.

Have it up the whole way.

It stays up all the way

all day long, man.

That's the miracle I was telling you about.

Better living through chemistry.

You got 16 inches.

Sixteen inches?

How long does a man's hose

have to be?

That's 32 inches

of confidence in every step.

Don't forget...

I've got two of'em.

I don't believe it. You went through

another one. That's three this month.

What is it about the workplace

that women just can't seem to handle?

Men! They want us to fail.

The nerve, inviting me to New York

to launch my book...

when they have no intention

of promoting it!

- Don't worry. I have a plan.

- You do?

Remember last winter you said you'd like

publicity where men would see it too?

"Perhaps in a men's magazine,"

you said.

"A prestigious men's magazine.

The most widely circulated and

highly respected men's magazine. "

- "KNOW?"

- Yes, you did.

No, I mean "KNOW. KNOW" magazine,

for men in the know.

Oh, yes. Exactly.

- You got us advertising in "KNOW?"

- "I did better. "

I got you a cover story written by "KNOW"

magazine's star journalist Catcher Block.

Catcher Block? The ladies' man,

man's man, man about town?

Oh, Vikki,

you're the best friend...

a girl from Maine who wrote a book

and came to New York could ever have!

You don't know the half of it.

I hear Catcher Block

is gorgeous... and eligible.

Not that that matters to us.

Down with love!

I can't believe it.

Me on the cover of "KNOW. KNOW!"

- No.

- "Catch, please, I promised. " It's one cover story.

A girl's never called me in my life,

let alone invited me for a drink.

I think this Vikki really likes me.

I think I might really like her.

I'm sure I would if she really likes me,

and she does because I led her to believe...

that as the owner of "KNOW" magazine,

I had some pull with my staff.

Then pull your staff with one of

your other writers. I'm not doing it.

No, it can't be anyone else.

The best thing I have to offer a woman is the

same as the best thing you have to offer... you.

But I'm all tied up, Mac.

I'm using me.

Oh, come on! It'll be fun.

- You like fun.

- Fun?

Interviewing a man-hating embittered

New England spinster librarian?

How do you know what she's like?

Who else would write a book

called "Down With Love?"

You don't have to be a Nazi

rocket scientist to figure that out.

Catch, please, please, please, please?

I hope you won't be disappointed.

Oh, Vikki, it's adorable.

My first New York phone call!

It must be "KNOW" magazine.

No one else has your number.

It must be Catcher Block!

- Oh!

- Oh!

- This is Barbara Novak.

- This is Catcher Block.

Catcher Block.

Catcher Block.

- "KNOW" magazine.

- Oh, yes, of course.

What can I do for you,

Mr. Block?

I think it's what I can do for you,

Miss Novak.

I'd like to invite you to lunch

so we can discuss your book.

That sounds very nice...

but I'll have to check my schedule

to see when I'm available.

We've already ordered. Can you be in

the Mahogany Room in ten minutes?

I'm afraid that will be

impossible, Mr. Block.

- Some other time, then.

- Right.

I'll see you in 15.

Catch, you are the best friend a guy

with 20 diagnosed neuroses ever had.

We've been friends a long time.

I knew you when you only had 12.

This is great!

I'll be right back.

Gotta go put in my shoe lifts.

- Guess who.

- As if I'd need to guess.

- Hmm. Tell me my name.

- Tell me you love me.

Blimey, Catch.

You know I love you.

And I love you too... Gwendolyn.

Oh.

- How long's your layover?

- Never long enough.

There's always time for a matinee.

Well, hello, Peter.

Barbara Novak, Peter MacMannus.

Nice to meet you,

Mr. MacMannus.

- " Where's Mr. Block?"

- Yes, where's Mr. Block?

I, uh, I don't know. Henri.

- Where is Mr. Block?

- I don't know.

A Mr. Block for you,

Mr. MacMannus?

Ah.

Here he is now.

- Catcher!

- Mac.

- Where are ya?

- Something sprang up. Is she there?

- "Yes, she is. "

- "Let me speak to the spinster. "

Mr. Block would like

to speak with you.

- This is Barbara Novak.

- I'm so sorry, Miss Novak.

The darndest thing.

I was waiting for you at the bar,

and a little English foxhound...

walked right in, came up to me

and started nuzzling me.

She seemed so lost, and she didn't

want to go with anyone else...

so I just had to take care of her.

Mr. Block, that is so thoughtful.

I remember reading that the true test

of a man's character...

is how he treats

a defenseless creature.

Tell me, Mr. Block,

how is the little b*tch now?

Well, I've got her

all nestled in a box...

but I don't think she'll be content

until I'm holding her.

Miss Novak, could we

rain check until dinner?

Of course.

Well, good-bye, Mr. Block.

Until dinner.

Good-bye.

This is Barbara Novak.

Miss Novak, I am so sorry.

- The darndest thing.

- Yes, Mr. Block?

I'm out in the park

with my little French poodle...

and she's just not ready to go in yet,

if you know what I mean.

Oh, I do,

but here's a little advice...

from a farm girl to a city boy.

You'll find that if you stick

a little twig in her bottom...

she'll remember why she went out

with you in the first place.

I'll keep that in mind.

Miss Novak, I hate to ask...

but could we rain check

until breakfast?

Of course.

Good-bye, Mr. Block.

Until breakfast.

I... just don't know.

It's not like Catch to be late.

No. He usually calls

to cancel right on time.

Oh, Barbara,

I'm sure he'll call.

I mean, come.

Elkie and I missed you

at lunch yesterday, Gwendolyn.

Oh, I, uh, took in a matinee...

with Catcher Block.

Is that so?

But Elkie and I missed you

at dinner last night, Yvette.

Oh, I took in a night game...

with Catcher Block.

- I told him I'd give up flying for him.

- "I did too!"

- Now I wonder if he ever loved me.

- I wonder if he even cared.

I wonder what's keeping Elkie!

This is Barbara Novak.

I'm so sorry, Miss Novak.

The darndest thing.

I got waylaid by the sweetest Swedish lap

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