Down with Love Page #3

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hound, who kept me up half the night...

and I'm afraid I'm still in bed.

My! You do get waylaid.

- Would you care for another beverage?

- Yeah, sure. Thank you.

- I beg your pardon?

- I was saying thank you. You're very understanding.

Could we rain check until lunch?

Oh, Mr. Block.

You can take your rain check...

and as we say on the farm

at harvest time...

put it where the sun

does not shine!

Miss Novak, if you're looking

to get dinner, then just say so.

Mr. Block...

I wouldn't meet with you...

in a hundred years!

Good-bye, Mr. Block...

Forever!

Mr. MacMannus,

thank you for your trouble.

Not at all.

Vikki, I'll call a taxi.

- Guess this means we're through.

- Oh, it's sad, isn't it?

This is the first time I've had to

eliminate having a future with a man...

before we've even had a chance

to have had a past.

Good-bye, Mr. MacMannus.

" It was nice while it lasted. "

I haven't had dinner and breakfast

with the same woman since I had a nanny.

I'm sorry, Peter, but Vikki

is not the only girl for you.

That's why I brought you here.

You brought me here...

because we're buddies, right?

Bosom buddies.

Get a load of those rockets.

- Here's to antigravity.

- Stay with me, buddy. You'll get the spins.

And whatever you do,

don't close your eyes.

Don't close your eyes.

Open your eyes. Open your eyes.

Ta-da! It's your book.

On sale, Scribners, Fifth Avenue.

One?

Just one?

All that work,

and-and-and-and one?

If somebody buys it,

well, then there will be none.

It will be as if

it never even existed.

No, no.

Doubleday also has one.

Mmm.

I know you're thinking this is

a real setback, but I promise you...

I will think of something.

If only we could get your book

"on" The Ed Sullivan Show.

Yeah.

How exactly do you get a book

on "The Ed Sullivan Show?"

Vikki, you're incredible.

She wasn't even on the bill.

How did they fit her into the lineup?

Oh, the best luck.

The Singing Nun fell off her scooter

coming across the Triborough Bridge.

I guess somebody up there likes me.

We have for you a really big surprise...

because to coincide

with the arrival of the new book...

Down With Love...

which this week is at your booksellers

from coast to coast...

we have a very, very special

friend of our show...

to do a song of that book.

Now, I want a really big,

warm welcome...

for Judy Garland...

right on this stage.

Yes, ma'am". Down With Love"

by Barbara Novak.

It's called "Down With Love"

by Barbara Novak.

Yes!

You said she was a spinster.

I've never used

the word "spinster" in my life.

Okay, once, when I told my mother it was

technically incorrect to call her son a spinster.

- You said she was a brunette.

- I did not!

She sure didn't sound like a blond

on the telephone.

- You still want to date Vikki?

- Of course. You think I want to die a spinster?

- Tell her I'll do the cover story.

- You are the best friend...

Just... call.

Not since Johannes Gutenberg's

invention of the printing press...

which changed forever

the landscape of man's destiny...

has one book reached so many

and achieved so much...

reminding all of us here today...

of the noble goal which called us

to toil in the field of publishing...

to begin with...

sales.

So here's to Banner House's

new number-one author...

and our new number-one editor.

Say cheers, everyone.

Cheers.

Those men are livid, B.N.

You're a hit.

You're bigger than the pill.

Oh, talk about "big," V.H.

This office is huge. Congratulations.

We did it.

Well, hello, Gladys!

You look wonderful.

As you told me, Barbara,

it's never too late.

Oh, Vikki, Peter MacMannus

called again.

Now it's every half hour.

Tell him we're too busy.

- What do you mean? "Too busy"?

- You know what it means.

They hate us.

Too busy?

Kennedy, Khrushchev and Castro weren't

too busy during the Cuban Missile Crisis...

to sit down and talk to me...

but this "Down With Love" chick

is too busy.

Doing what? Eating chocolate?

I'm sorry, panel. You've been stumped.

- The author of the best seller, Down With Love...

- It's Novak!

"Barbara Novak. "

Barbara, I know every woman

bought your book...

and every man sneaked out and bought it

to find out what their women were reading.

That's when the sales doubled.

But then they tripled.

How did that happen?

It seems that church groups

in the Bible belt were so zealous...

about being seen burning my book...

that every time they had a bonfire,

they would call and reorder...

so that they could have another one.

Now, I've heard a lot of talk

about chapter eight...

about the worst kind of man,

the kind every woman should avoid.

What's that title again?

"Men who change women as often

as they change their shirts. "

And have you met a lot

of that kind of man in your research?

You're not asking me

to name names, are you?

No, of course not.

Catcher Block.

Ohh!

Wow!

Four million women

in the naked city...

and the one you let get away, the one

you had to get on the bad side of...

is the woman "all" the other

four million are listening to.

You blew it, buddy.

The age of Catcher Block, ladies' man,

man's man, man about town...

is over!

The king is dead.

I hate to spoil your fun, but

the four million women I go out with...

don't listen to Barbara Novak.

Hello.

Hey, Gwendolyn, baby.

Where are you?

Then get out of the airport.

We have reservations for 10:00.

Well, you can't sit

in the terminal till 3:00 a. m.

Aren't you going to get hungry?

No, I'm pretty full.

Besides, I have to...

catch up on some reading.

Reading? Reading what?

Good night, Gwendolyn.

What's the matter, Catch?

Lose another one?

I am going to bury that Novak broad...

and turn this crazy upside "Down"

"With Love" world right side up again.

I'm gonna write

the expos of the century...

so the world will know once and for all

that deep down all women are the same.

They all want the same thing...

love and marriage...

even Miss Barbara

"Down With Love'"' Novak.

And I am going to prove it.

How?

Novak won't even see you.

That's right.

That's why Novak

won't even see me coming.

Barbara, you're not dressed.

Aren't you coming?

No. I'm just gonna

stay in tonight.

Why? Because you don't

have a date?

My date's a quarterback with 27

teammates. I'm sure he can fix you up.

I'm sure he couldn't.

I am persona non grata to all men.

I can't even get picked up

by a taxi driver.

This is crazy.

All of this fame and success...

and Miss Sex La Carte is the only

woman who can't have sex la carte.

At least not on this Earth.

Maybe we could find you an astronaut

who's been in orbit the past two weeks.

It's all right, Vikki.

I'm perfectly content on my own.

When it comes to not needing a man,

you wrote the book.

- Taxi!

- Wait. I have to pick up my dry cleaning.

Can't. Gotta get back

to the office.

Skip in Research is doing

a fact check on Novak...

who she knows, where she goes, what she

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