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Down with Love Page #8
Come on. Get dressed.
We're going out. You have to
start circulating again.
- Ooh, where's your little black book?
- I threw it away.
"I don't care about sex anymore. "
- I just wanna be married.
- "Well, me too, but fat chance. "
These "Down With Love" girls!
And it's all your fault, lover boy!
That's why they all act like you!
Stop the presses.
I've got a cover story that'll
make "KNOW" magazine sell...
like no magazine
has never sold before.
"Catcher Block Exposed:
How Falling in Love with Barbara Novak
Made Me a New Man. "
It's my public love letter. It's not
from me, or at least not the old me.
It's from the new me, the new man that
Barbara Novak could fall in love with.
- Come on, Mac! Let's get this baby to print!
- We're not going to print.
Haven't you noticed?
We have no secretaries.
Every girl in New York City
has quit her job.
They all wanna
go work for your Barbara Novak.
- For Barbara? Where?
- Oh-ho-ho.
Novak topped you again.
It's here!
"Down With Love" chocolate.
- A mouthful of satisfaction
in every bite.
Vikki, you are a genius!
Look, your book
Why shouldn't we get a piece
of the action?
It sure killed my craving for sex.
The only man who could have his way
with me now is Milton Hershey.
Boy, am I glad it finally occurred to you
that you were a multimillionaire...
many times over and we could
start our own business.
And to think I came that close to
getting married and giving all this up.
I was really starting to believe that
women weren't cut out for the workplace...
when the only problem was
the workplace wasn't cut out for women.
Banner House bastards.
The word is out that Novak/Hiller
International is cut to order.
Girls are lined up around the block to
apply for the job as my private secretary.
And that's not all. Catcher Block
is here. He wants to see you.
Well, call the guard,
because I don't wanna see him.
- You have to see him. He's an applicant.
- Ooh.
- For heaven's sake.
- At the risk of sounding like my mother...
just stay perfectly still
and let him get it over with.
Mrs. Litzer.
Send in the first applicant,
please.
Okay, "Novick. "
Over and out.
Another ruse, Catcher? You know
I have no interest in seeing you.
But you know you have to.
And you know I know you have to.
I'm sure you know how things are
at "KNOW" ever since your new "Now. "
I have no way of knowing
how things are now at "KNOW."
I knew how things were
at "KNOW" before now.
Then you should know now at "KNOW"
things are a lot like they are at "Now. "
We have to interview every applicant
for every job, and so do you...
or you'd be going against
"Now's" definition of discrimination...
and you wouldn't want the readers of "Now"
or "KNOW" to know that, now, would you?
Have a seat, Mr. Block.
Your application?
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Oh, dear.
Unfortunately, the secretary job doesn't
quite pay as much as your current job...
so I guess that's that.
Good-bye, Mr. Block.
Oh, have a candy bar for your trouble.
And thanks again
for thinking of us.
But I'm always thinking of you,
Miss Novak.
I can't stop thinking of you.
And I'd like you
to reconsider considering me.
- Even at a pay cut of 96.6%?
- It's only money.
Besides,
I've been on top for so long...
to try a new position.
And you think you could be comfortable
I look forward to it.
Starting at the bottom...
working my way up slowly
to the top.
Still, I'm afraid
that a man of your experience...
would be too distracted working
in a predominantly female workplace.
Not at all. You see, I'm not really
interested in women la carte anymore.
The next time I get involved with
a woman, it'll be to settle down.
Well, I wouldn't want you stealing one
of the women from my workforce...
just to put her away
in a house in the suburbs.
Oh, I wouldn't want that either.
I'm what you might call a new man.
Oh, is that so?
And I'm looking
for a new kind of love.
"Catcher Block Exposed"?
"How Falling in Love with Barbara Novak"
"Made Me a New Man. '"'
Oh, sure.
And to put yourself on top...
you just happened to have had
to expose me as Nancy Brown...
in your attempt
to win a Nobel prize.
I never said a word
about Nancy Brown.
And the only prize
I wanted to win was you.
Crazy, isn't it? After all our tricking
each other, all our game playing...
I'm the one who wound up here
with the love letter...
and you're the one
with the scoop.
Still, I'll keep my eye
on the billboards...
and maybe one day
you'll do a piece...
on how you became someone in between
the bashful, brunette Nancy Brown...
and the cool, blond
Barbara Novak.
That's a piece
One, two, three...
four, five.
Hmm.
Someone between a blond
and a brunette?
Scooped you again.
I knew you would.
I knew the minute I placed an ad
as an equal-opportunity employer...
you would be the first to apply.
And I knew you knew and you'd
let me in to ask you to marry me.
But you didn't know I'd say yes.
- Vegas?
- We can get married there on the spot.
- I'm not letting you get away again... ever.
- Oh, Catch.
- I love you, Barbara.
- I know.
I'm sorry. You'll have to hold.
- Peter?
- Vikki?
I'm not giving up my career.
I wouldn't ask you to.
Then it's a deal?
- Deal!
- Deal!
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
it's official.
The battle of the sexes is over.
What's that?
Don't believe me?
Well, here's the proof.
Please give a warm welcome to the coauthors
of the new book, "Here's to Love... "
Mrs. Barbara Novak-Block
and Mr. Catcher Block.
# Barbara, I'd like
#To the topic I dig the most #
# Catch, let me dust off
my lovin' cup #
# Hey, bartender, fill 'er up #
# Look how the neon
starts to flicker #
# Love's like a shot
#And you're a man
who can hold his liquor #
# Cheers, here's to love #
# I'm an old-fashioned
and you're the cherry #
# I've got a thirst that's legendary #
#That's why I fired your secretary #
# Cheers, here's to love #
- # Life's a martini #
- #And you're the shaker #
- #And, baby, I sure packed a punch #
- Hey!
#You make Dean Martin
look like a Quaker #
- # But now it's only you for dinner #
- Breakfast.
- And lunch.
- # I hear the march that's calling for us #
#We'll walk down the aisle
to an angels' chorus #
# I'll be your Rock
if you'll be my Doris #
#Why is the waiter smiling at us #
# He knows what we're thinking of #
- # Oh, can the tears #
- # Cheers #
# Baby, here's to love #
#You've got the lips
to wet my whistle #
# If that doesn't get ya
maybe this'll #
# Cupid just launched
# Cheers, here's to love #
#Your eyes are so intoxicating #
# Bottoms up, babe
let's get to mating #
# I bet it bears re-it-erating #
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"Down with Love" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/down_with_love_7194>.
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