Drillbit Taylor Page #10

- Oh, give me a break, Drillbit.

I know you and the Drillbit I know

isn't capable of really doing it!

Hoo-rah!

I'm giving you one more chance

to save this friendship!

Damn it! You ready for this, Don?

- No!

- Yeah!

Polish that turd, Don!

I'm dead.

- You're dead.

- I'm sad.

Wade, what's wrong?

Is everything okay?

Yeah, but you're not gonna

wanna go home.

- Oh, no, no, no. The cable go out?

- lf it is, you're dead.

Of course it was your fault!

You were home!

You should have stopped them!

Bear with me.

I didn't mean for this to happen.

Oh, God.

Please don't scream.

What the hell?

I thought we were robbed!

We were!

We didn't get robbed!

We got rearranged!

You and your weirdo friends

have a marijuana party?

- No!

- Oh, honey.

- Punish him, Dad.

- Yeah, don't let him get away with this.

- Are you smoking pot?

- No. I'm really confused.

No, no, Wade.

Drillbit must have done it.

Who's Drillbit?

You tell me what's going on now, Wade.

I just... I think it's weird, you know,

that this is what I get for trying to make

them feel like a part of the group.

I mean, I saw it like a school tradition.

It's hazing, yeah, but

just to, you know, make them

feel like they belonged.

Sort of like a fun initiation.

I mean, didn't you all have that

when you were kids?

Yeah. I remember my first few days.

Got tied to the flagpole,

egged a few times.

At the end of it, it's all laughs.

Yeah, Wade, boys, you really

shouldn't have panicked like that.

Yeah, this boy's not dangerous,

not compared to a dirty,

homeless ex-soldier.

The more I think about it,

that guy, he could've really hurt me.

All right. I'm... I'm sorry, but your boys

brought a fugitive onto school property

threatening the safety of my students.

Now, I don't... I don't wanna point

any fingers here,

but I think we all know who's to blame.

You put my life in danger, guys.

You put my life in danger, guys.

It's worse than any hazing

that anybody could do.

I'm just lucky I was able

to defend myself.

Who knows what might have happened?

This guy's a veteran!

How many people might he have killed?

Did anybody see "To Catch a Predator"

on Dateline?

- I watched that!

- I saw that, yeah.

It's where they set the booby trap

for the pedophiles.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- A grandfather, a priest...

I mean, could you imagine it?

You think you're on a date,

and then all of a sudden,

police are everywhere.

- Yeah.

- My God, this guy knows where we live.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

I think you'll be glad to know I gave

security camera footage of this Drillbit

to the police and they said

they'd be watching for him.

No, what the hell's the matter

with you guys?

Are you mentally defective

or something?

You got to understand,

Drillbit was around because

this psychopath over here

was gonna murder us!

I mean, Filkins is the real criminal!

Yes! He has a samurai sword

- he has used on his other victims!

- All right...

Sit down!

Sit down!

Thank you very much.

Now, Terry.

Is there any truth to this?

Oh, yeah. All of it.

I'm really a samurai warrior from

the 14th century sent to kill them.

He's cute.

Okay, I hope I speak for everyone here

in saying that I feel

this issue is resolved.

- Thank you. Okay, okay.

- All right?

Very good.

Thank you for coming in, folks.

- Thank you.

- All right, yeah.

- Hey, wasn't that fun?

- Hell, yeah.

- Oh, my goodness!

- Great.

- You feel better now, honey?

- Terry, honey.

I did not know you were all alone.

We want to have you over to the house

for dinner, okay?

- That would be wonderful!

- Wade could use more friends.

Give me one, please.

You're kind of a born loser. It's funny.

It's not funny.

It's funny to me.

Come on, don't jinx me. Don't jinx me.

- I got it, man!

- Dude!

Look at that! Yes!

You got a ticket to Canada!

You better believe it! Come on, man!

Finally! Finally, I get one!

Come here, you!

This candy's on me! Put it down!

You got it! Well, maybe just get

one of them. Here. Here you go!

Okay, keep your eyes peeled.

- Do you see Filkins?

- No, but I see Brooke.

Gonna go for it. I'm gonna ask her out.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- You waited all this time. Why now?

- Why not?

My life sucks so badly,

even if she says no,

it's not like I'll have very far to fall.

I don't know.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Look, I don't know how to do this.

In fact, I've been wanting to do this

for a while. I just didn't know

when would be a good time. I don't...

I didn't know if it would ever be

a good time. I mean, if I'd ever think...

It's okay, Brooke.

Yo, bro, I swear to God

those ain't my sodas,

but if you wanted to, say, hire me

or something, like a bodyguard,

I think maybe I could dedicate my life

to finding the real culprit.

Wade, come on.

I'm okay with this, so let's just go.

What'd you say, ho?

Okay, you know what?

What is your problem?

Why don't you just leave them alone?

What are you gonna do, bro?

What are you gonna do?

You aren't gonna do anything,

because you don't have any balls.

- Leave him alone!

- It's just not in you.

You see? Look at that.

Sackless!

Why do you even waste my time?

You're pathetic.

You all right, Wade?

- Don't worry about that guy.

- He's just insecure inside.

- Get up. Let's get out of here.

- Wade?

Where are you going?

- T-Dog! Stop him!

- Fight! Fight!

Come on, Wade!

I'll kick the crap out of you right now.

You know why?

Half because

everyone is sick of your garbage

and half because

of what you said to Brooke!

Do you think I'm dumb?

Trying to trick me

into getting myself in trouble?

Fine. Then we'll beat your face in

somewhere else.

- Anywhere. Go ahead. You name it.

- Okay, good.

Everybody! Everybody! I'm gonna kick

their asses tonight at my house!

Everybody should come!

It's gonna be hilarious!

Ultimate Geek Fighting!

Once you step on my property,

you're freaking trespassing, brother,

and I can do anything I want.

You're nothing but a pathetic wimp,

and everyone's gonna know

by the end of tonight, brother!

And I will see you there!

What have I just done?

That was awesome, man.

- Me and Emmit are gonna back you up.

- Oh, now it's "me and Emmit."

You've never been nice to me, Ryan,

and I've only been kind to you.

And I've tried so hard

to make this friendship work,

but I am not going to die

for someone who won't die for me!

"Survival technique."

I renounce violence.

I have a future!

What do we do next?

Guess we'd better learn how to fight.

- Jump left, jump left.

- Come on, Blue.

- That's what I'm talking about!

- No, no, no, no.

- That's what I'm talking about!

- Come on!

Come on! Yes!

This PowerBar's really working.

I feel stronger.

I feel fatter.

Well, what do you want me to do?

You just want me to hit you?

Come on. Do me this one favor.

That was perfect!

All right. We need to learn

how to take a punch.

You ready? Let me go first.

- All right?

- Okay.

Block out the pain.

Remember what that douche bag

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