Drillbit Taylor Page #4

Anything can be turned into

a weapon of mayhem or destruction.

- Even a puppy?

- Especially a puppy.

Germans used them in World War I.

Da Hunden Stormen. Lightning Dog.

They'd attach dynamite to them.

Rommel did it. Jerry bastard.

- Now, listen. One thing that...

- This is my house.

Wow.

- We can go in. Nobody's home.

- Let's hit it. Deploy, soldiers.

- Soldiers? Cool. You hear that, T-Dog?

- Beeline, front door! Single file!

Officers first!

You, get me a bowl of cereal.

Go on. Scram.

- Okay, this I'm gonna need. Right here.

- What for?

You take that,

my mom'll rip my head off!

At ease, Casper!

Okay. Observe its momentary

reflective blinding capabilities.

Bang! You're defenseless.

Silver alloy,

one of the strongest ever constructed.

Probably stop an armor-piercing bullet

at point-blank range.

You don't really think

it could come to that.

You tell me.

Filkins is a whack job.

He almost ran over us with his car!

- He's a menace.

- Yeah, I was my dad's favorite, too.

He once cut a kid's arm off

with a samurai sword.

- Bladed weaponry?

- Yeah.

Okay. I'm not gonna take any chances.

You're now on orange alert.

Okay, now this will be good

for video surveillance.

This is good.

You take the guts out of this

and use it for wiretapping.

I think we can use this as a...

I don't know, as a timekeeping device.

I think I'll wear it on my wrist, possibly.

You think you might need this?

This piece of crap's not worth anything.

As a weapon. It's too obvious.

Testing, one, two. Mister Taylor?

- Testing, one, two.

- Can you come back now?

Guys, you got to go far back!

I can hear you!

Testing, testing, one, two.

Can you hear me now?

- They work pretty good.

- These are great.

- Yeah.

- These are invaluable.

- They get a little staticky, though...

- Yeah.

...I think, some places in the house.

Why you need all this stuff for?

I thought we were gonna give

Filkins a beat down.

I am gonna beat him down,

but sometimes

after that first beat down,

then they get a little, you know...

They want a little payback.

I'm home!

Who wants grilled-cheese sandwiches?

- Go! Go! Mom! Mom!

- Okay.

- Exit! Exit!

- Go, out the back, out the back, go.

Just 'cause you don't see me

doesn't mean I'm not there.

- Shut the door.

- Act natural. Hey, Mom.

- Hey, Barbara, how you doing?

- Hi, boys.

- Who's your new little friend? Hi.

- Hi.

- Hi. Emmit Oosterhaus.

- Hi, Emmit Oosterhaus.

- He's not our friend.

- Yeah, he is.

He's like our hamster.

Smell like something?

- Ryan? You washing?

- Yeah. You?

It's a funny smell. It's all right.

Grilled-cheese sandwiches.

Hey, come on! Buzz us in!

You're gonna wanna see this!

Big money coming in!

This ain't a bunch of

aluminum cans here.

Where do you want it?

Priceless treasures.

Go set them down there.

So you don't think those kids

are gonna miss this stuff?

No. They got two of everything.

They got the iPod, the iPod Nano.

And I don't care if they do,

'cause after this little transaction,

well, the old Drillbit's taking his act

to the Great White North.

- What?

- Yeah, I'm going to Canada.

Well, that's stupid.

You're gonna cut out now?

- I'm going...

- These kids are a cash cow, Drillbit.

You need to hang in there.

You don't cut and run.

You got to get in there and milk this.

Okay, come on back.

All right, I'll tell you what.

I give you $125 for the whole lot.

What?

I just heard you say

you took it from some kids.

So? Don't get all righteous on me.

Half this store you guys got

from crackheads and thieves.

Hey. Who the hell

do you think you are, man?

Let me tell you something.

Those people are our customers!

We're not that harsh on them,

so you shouldn't be!

How would you like it

if we called you a crackhead?

You have called me one.

- Have we? Have we?

- I think I might have.

- Drillbit? Drillbit? Come in.

- What is that?

I'm sorry, hold it just a second.

D.B. one-four-niner-eight, come in.

- Just take this.

- We just wanted you to know

that Emmit was holding out

on some bar mitzvah money.

Emmit, I don't care how many times you

get bar mitzvahed, you're not a man.

- I am a man.

- No, you're not.

- Drillbit! Milk it, milk it.

- So we'll have another 50 bucks for you

- on Monday.

- Grab the udder and milk it.

Ten-four, good buddy.

I will see you tomorrow.

Commence radio silence in three, two.

Today's the official start

of our high school careers.

Last week's history.

Nothing good came out of last week.

- We became best friends.

- Nothing good came out of last week.

There's the sword. Man, we're so dead.

- Where's Drillbit, Wade?

- Hey. Calvary's here.

- Please, where have you been?

- Yes. What's up, man?

Where's my money?

Where's my money?

We got 40 bucks we promised,

plus we got an extra 17.

I sold my Yu-Gi-Oh cards.

Okay, this is gonna be sweet.

I can't wait to watch

you kick Filkins' ass.

I can't wait to watch

you kick Filkins' ass.

- Yeah. What, is he here?

- Yeah, over there on his car.

I want you to be

the last face he ever sees.

What are you gonna do?

- What am I gonna do?

- Come on.

I want you to gnaw on his skull.

- What's the plan?

- Shut up.

Guys, I'm gonna check this dude out.

Yes.

Excuse me.

Yeah.

Just got to kind of stand here

for a second.

All right. Hey, take it easy, man.

He's thin, but sinewy and muscular.

He's got a low center of gravity which

means he's fast like a jack rabbit.

He didn't take a shower today

or yesterday. He's got bad breath.

He's got a couple of cavities

which is not improving...

This is serious. I thought

you were gonna go kick his ass.

Yeah.

Look at Tommy Trigger Finger.

You want the blood and the guts.

Well, it doesn't work that way.

I can't just kick his ass.

Physically, I can,

but if you kick a bully's ass,

then maybe you guys live till lunchtime.

And then what?

"Teach those victims how to kick

the bully's ass and they live forever."

Steven Seagal.

So you're gonna teach us

how to beat him up?

- Like train us?

- So we're gonna beat up Filkins?

What I'm about to show you are

top-secret black ops fighting moves.

And it's all about technique.

I don't care if you're talking about

karate, tai chi, kung fu, praying mantis,

kung pao, Panda Express.

It's all about technique.

I want you to watch my technique.

It's pretty flawless.

Come on, Ryan, charge me.

I'm serious. Try to kill me.

Come on. You ready?

Go! Yeah. Come on.

I got you!

I got you! I got you!

Damn it!

Okay. Tripped right there.

That was the bear hug.

Okay. Wade. Come on!

Here you go! Watch the elbows!

Don't! Stop!

Okay. Last but not least. Charge me.

Everyone, up! Circle me!

Come on.

Let me see some fight from you.

Okay, you guys ready for the blizzard?

- Go get him, boys!

- Yeah. Go, get it, all three of you!

I call truce! Truce! Back up! Three's

too many. Three's too many. Stop.

Wow, one of you

really charley-horsed me.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes