Drillbit Taylor Page #6

You know, most of those people

were cheering for you.

Really? That could be good.

Maybe Drillbit was right.

Think you're so funny?

Good. 'Cause you're not gonna laugh

when you're dead.

You're gonna get it now,

worse than ever.

All of you.

Ryan, holdback technique.

You don't like the fact that

he's better than you, Filkins!

You better back the hell off before I...

- Thanks for holding him for me.

- Holy crap, you guys are retarded!

How did he do so much damage

with one punch?

It's like his fist is the size

of your whole face.

I guess it's true.

Rap really does promote violence.

Yeah, but the question is, where was

Drillbit when we needed him?

Maybe he got called to the black ops.

Wade, come on.

You really believe that garbage?

There's my little soldiers.

There are my pooper troopers.

Hey, sorry I missed that walkie-talkie

call. I had something come...

- What the hell happened to you?

- Filkins punched me.

- Filkins did that to you?

- Yeah.

Where were you?

- With one punch?

- Where were you?

- Oh, crap. I'm sorry.

- Stop.

- No, just let me get the blood off.

- No. Stop.

Man. Here, sit down for a second.

- Crap. It looks painful.

- Yeah, it is.

- Here, let me put a little pressure on it.

- No.

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

Ryan had a rap off with Filkins.

- You had a rap off?

- You said to find common ground.

He said he was like Costco,

serving up ass kickings in bulk.

That's what you said?

That's not common ground.

Even though it's funny.

That's not exactly what I meant

when I said common ground.

Why didn't you get punched?

Why'd he slug you?

'Cause of your brilliant

holdback technique.

The holdback technique?

You really tried that?

Yeah. Bottom line is

your advice backfired.

Now we're more screwed than ever.

All because you wanted to protect

the hobbit over here.

- Hey, let's just stop for a second.

- I am not a hobbit.

- You're a damn hobbit, okay?

- I am not!

Hold it! Hey.

Emmit's not a hobbit, I don't think.

Problem isn't the holdback technique,

although I don't think you guys

had it perfected enough to try.

The problem is Randy

starts rapping insults.

It's not Randy! Okay? It's Ryan!

And all this talk about you being there

when you're not there, it's bull! Okay?

I'm tired of your nonsense! You're fired!

Hey! Sit down here.

Sit down here for a second.

All of you, sit down. You take the bass

out of your voice when you talk to me.

Now, we just completed phase one.

See if this guy has any mettle.

And guess what we found out?

Filkins does have some mettle.

So now we move to phase two.

Know what phase two is?

Direct contact.

That's where I come in.

Because I will not let this happen again,

if I can help it.

So what's the plan?

- The plan?

- Yeah.

How early do you guys

have to get up for school?

- 7:
00.

- 7:
00.

Oh, God. Okay.

Tomorrow, we all go in together.

Hey, Wade, what's up?

Where'd you get the shiner?

Come in here, boy. Talk to me.

I was protecting this one kid

in my school

from a bunch of bullies

and one of them punched me.

What? Why would you protect

the kid from a bully?

So he doesn't get beat up.

Then you're interfering

with the natural order.

When I was a kid, I was kind of a bully.

But it's not a bad thing. There was

this kid. I don't know what it was.

Maybe it was his stupid face.

But he'd just really get under my skin.

So I pushed him around a little bit,

called him some hurtful names,

and I honestly think, if I met him today,

he'd thank me for it.

I prepared him for the harshness

of the real world.

Thanks, Jim.

I'm a resource, Wade.

You should use me more often.

Is it locked?

- You got lunch money?

- Yep.

- You got any tests today?

- See you and the questions.

Don't fresh-off to any of your teachers.

All right, come here,

give mommy a kiss.

Come on, punky-wunky. I love you.

- Okay.

- Be good.

- Bye. I love you.

- Bye. I love you, Mommy!

"I love you, Mommy."

Black ops in the hizzouse.

This old soldier could use

a kissy from mommy.

Come on.

I'm going in to the school today.

Drillbit is going in. Very visible.

Let's do it.

- You can't go in there looking like that.

- Why?

You look like Crocodile Dundee

or something.

Screw you. What're you talking about?

I'm just saying we need to clean you up.

Wrong. This soldier doesn't clean up.

What you see is what you get.

Drillbit, you just don't look

like a teacher.

I mean, we need you to blend in.

The camouflage technique.

- In my house. Come on.

- Let's go.

"Camouflage technique"? I like that.

...if I remember how to do this.

It really is strong enough for a man.

Did your dad leave any socks behind?

How many tardies can you have

before they give you a detention?

Emmit, you're drying my eyeballs.

All right, here's our class schedules

and a detailed map of the school.

We have the first class together,

so just meet us by the Life Skills room

so you can walk us to our lockers.

Okay, now, remember,

I'm not just gonna walk in there

and start kicking ass, okay?

I got to protect you guys,

but I need to blend in and lay low.

I'm gonna be visible to you guys,

but invisible to everyone else.

That's a look that says,

"I have no idea what I'm doing here."

All first-time subs have it.

Welcome to McKinley!

- Thanks. Was it that obvious?

- Well, yeah, a little bit.

Whoa!

Not you kids. Please, go to class.

Go, go, go. Get away from me.

You, second floor, teachers' lounge.

They'll give you your assignment

up there. It's right over there.

- I'm gonna head up there. Okay.

- Yep? You got it.

How're you doing?

Teachers' lounge. They're all the same.

Put your names on the food. Smart.

Sneaky.

- See Grey's Anatomy last night?

- Yeah.

- Hey, Lis.

- Hi.

Got half an orange with your name on it.

Oh, no, thanks.

- Can I help you?

- No. With what?

- Are you lost?

- No. Why?

- You look like a lost parent.

- No.

No. I'm a substitute.

- For what?

- For whatever needs substituting.

Yeah, they'll just plug me in.

I think I'm just gonna wait here until,

you know, if they need me in

French, then that's where I'll go.

- You know French?

- A little bit. Yeah.

Enough to get by,

or enough to teach these animals.

- What do you teach?

- English.

My native tongue.

I'm Lisa Zachey.

Now is that Miss or Missus Zachey?

- Miss.

- Miss. It had to be. Enchant.

And who are you?

Drill... Dr. Illbit.

Oh.

- Yeah.

- A doctor.

Teacher. Teacher and a doctor.

Just want to help.

People don't care how I do it.

Just give me a chance to help.

- You want some hot coffee?

- Only in the worst way.

Who can give me

another name for gonorrhea?

That's a little hint.

That's right, the clap. Or the drip.

All right, Dane? Get the lights.

In the male, the bacteria of gonorrhea

usually enters by way of the urethra.

From two to five days later,

the guy feels a painful burning,

particularly when he urinates...

They make these things to scare us.

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