Driving Lessons Page #4

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every moment a blessing.

Well,

I expect you'll be wanting

to get back to your mother.

Oh! Where are we off to?

Edinburgh.

You've got a recital to give.

One door opens

another shuts behind

One sun sets

and another sun she rises

Love comes to you

in old familiar ways

Love comes to you

in shadows and disguises

Love may break like

a precious string of pearls

Treasured moments

they roll away and scatter

Make believe that there's

ice runs through my veins

Shrug my shoulders

to say it doesn't matter

And they say it was my turn

They say I had it coming

They say that's what you earn

For living through a lie

If I could have my way

I'd leave it all tomorrow

There's sorrow if I stay

I've other fish to fry

Where the hell is Dryden?

Pull over.

Wait here.

Jewelry on a woman my age

is frankly rather vulgar.

Buy yourself a clean shirt.

You're my assistant now.

Drive on.

Miss Walton?

I am she.

Hello. Welcome to Edinburgh.

I'm Bryony. I'm helping

on the Literary Festival.

Did you have a good journey up?

As good as can be expected.

Ben, my assistant, drove me.

I'm afraid we hadn't allow

for an assistant.

No, no.

I'll take care of that.

Okay, follow me.

So if you want to check

yourselves in at the desk,

they should be able to sort

you out with an extra room.

Anything else you need,

don't hesitate to ask.

Thank you.

Emma, the woman that booked you in,

she'll try and pop in and say hello.

She's a bit run off

her feet at the moment.

And we'll have a taxi at 11:00

to take you to the venue.

I've got to tell you, I'm

a huge fan of your TV show,

The Shipping Magnates.

Yes.

You've seen '80s Night on Sky?

No.

I never miss it.

I know all your catchphrases.

"I'm a woman,

Leland, not an oil tanker. "

You're huge on the gay scene.

Am I?

Sorry.

So we'll see you

tomorrow at 11:
00, then?

Bye for now.

You wanted to see me?

Yes, come in.

I thought Dougal

would at least have had

the decency to

meet us at the hotel.

One doesn't ask

much of one's agent.

I need some water.

Thank you.

Thank you.

When I asked you

to come with me to Edinburgh,

I may have given the impression

that such things

were a regular occurrence.

The truth is,

I haven't given any sort

of theatrical performance

for many years.

I accepted this offer

because I was

flattered to be asked.

It now appears

I may have misjudged

the reason for my invitation.

What have they asked you to do?

I'm to read from

an anthology of love poetry

It's being re-published.

Part of a week of readings

entitled "Forgotten Voices. "

Sounds very nice.

I don't suppose you're familiar

with the notion of kitsch.

It's rather popular

in literary circles.

However, what's done is done

We're here now,

and the show must go on.

I'm sure they'd understand

if you didn't wanna go on,

given how little time you have.

Don't be ridiculous.

Of course I'm going on!

When a woman says

she's not going on,

it doesn't mean she's not going on!

I want to go on.

I'm just nervous, that's all.

Sorry.

-Yes, well...

As long as you're there,

I'll be fine.

Of course I'll be there.

It's silly, I know, but I think

if you weren't there with me

I couldn't go on.

You're my poet.

You understand the power of words.

Tomorrow, then.

Tomorrow.

"I'm a woman, Leland,

not an oil tanker."

Hello. Nice shirt.

Have you stopped slaving yet?

Me, too, thank God. I've just shown

my last novelist to his room.

The bugger actually tried to chat

me up. Writers are so f***ing vain.

You do speak, don't you?

Good.

You fancy a drink?

I should be in bed.

There's a club I sometimes go to.

It's just round the corner.

Great.

Great.

So shall we go?

Yes.

Hi.

This way.

Come with me.

Sorry.

Jim, the usual, please.

Here. Cheers.

What's your old lady so uptight for?

She's nervous about tomorrow.

Why? She's only

reading a couple of poems.

They probably won't even get to her.

Emma's always booking

far too many people.

I think Dame Evie

wouldn't be very happy

if she didn't get

the chance to read.

Dame?

She's not a dame, is she?

Yes.

Let's dance.

Oh, I'm okay, thanks.

Come on, it'll do you good.

Use your hips!

Use your arms.

Wiggle your arse.

Come on!

Come on, watch me.

Hey!

Could you believe how hairy

that guy's back was?

It's only rented.

Anyone who can

afford to buy around here

definitely doesn't

work in publishing.

How old are you?

I'm 18 and a half.

Don't mind me asking, but why

are you working for an old lady?

Were there no other jobs?

She's my grandmother.

Cool. Sorry, I didn't mean

to be rude about it.

It's okay.

Is this your first time?

No.

Sorry. I'm sorry.

Come here, you twit.

Explain, please, the meaning of,

"He is not in his room."

Well, his key's at reception

and he's not answering his phone.

Then kindly unlock the door!

I'm sorry,

I'm afraid I can't do that.

We're not at liberty to

unlock a client's door

unless there's an emergency.

And you don't call this an emergency?

With the greatest

of respect madam, no.

You were saying?

What's happening?

My assistant is missing in action.

When you find him, I'll be downstairs

at La Brasserie Ecosse. Thank you.

Can I get you anything else?

Another.

Hello.

I made you some tea.

Do you take sugar?

No.

It's okay, I'm not gonna eat you.

I don't have to be

anywhere till after lunch.

How about you? Do you fancy

staying in for a bit?

I take it that's a no, then.

It's 11:
30!

-So?

I promised Evie I'd

be there by 11:
00.

She can go on her own, can't she?

-She won't go on without me.

You're kidding, right?

-She means it.

I have to be there before she goes

on, or she can't remember her lines.

Ben, she's reading from a book.

It makes no difference.

She's completely hopeless

unless I'm in the same room.

Isn't that a bit weird?

She's not weird.

She's just nervous.

Relax. She's having you on.

No, she isn't.

I promised her I'd be there.

Once you've made a promise,

you should keep it.

I'm sorry.

Ben.

Yes?

You're a lovely guy.

Thank you.

And thank you for having me.

Stop at an offy.

I need a drink.

Miss Walton?

Emma Pagent, Vintage Press.

For a moment there, I thought

we'd lost you to the Scots.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Vintage Press, in conjunction

with Eternal Spring,

the exfoliating cream that gently

peels away the years,

are delighted to

welcome Miss Eve Walton.

I thought I'd

begin today's recital

by reading William

Shakespeare's sonnet number 29,

"When in Disgrace with Fortune."

Sorry. Excuse me.

Sorry.

The Presbyterian

Hall off Market Street?

Straight on,

second on the right.

I'm sorry. I seem to have...

It's all right.

I know it off by heart.

"When indisgrace

with fortune and men's eyes

"I all alone

beweep my outcast state

"And trouble deaf heaven

with my bootless cries

"And look upon myself

"And... "

I'm sorry, very sorry.

I know another one.

"Flo, Flo

"I love you so

"I love you in your nightie

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