Driving Lessons Page #5

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"When the moonlight

flits across your tits

"Oh, Jesus Christ Almighty"

I'm sorry. I don't

know what's the matter.

Ben? Ben, where are you?

Where are you, Ben?

It's okay, I'm here.

Where were you?

I got held up.

You promised me.

I'm sorry.

Get me out of here.

Okay.

Where are we?

On the way to Cheltenham.

Cheltenham?

There's another festival there.

But I don't want to

go to another festival.

It's all sorted.

I spoke to the lady, Emma What's-it,

and explained to her

you only had a week to live.

She was really nice about it.

She booked you a slot

at the Cheltenham

Literary Festival with Martin Amis.

What are you talking about?

I told her. You're not just

some cheap soap star from the '80s.

You deserve a better end.

The Cheltenham

Literary Festival with Martin Amis?

Jesus Christ! Turn the car round

at once and take me home.

No.

What did you say?

When a woman says

she doesn't wanna go on,

that doesn't mean she

doesn't wanna go on.

Young man, let me

make myself quite clear.

Under no circumstances

am I giving another recital.

I have humiliated myself

quite enough already.

Now all I want to do

is go home and shut the door.

You have to climb back on the horse.

What? Climb back on the what?

God wants you to do one more

performance before you die.

Stop the car.

You were upset.

You lost your nerve.

Next time, I'll go

through the pieces with you...

Stop the f***ing car!

I will not be bullied,

even by an emotional cripple.

I'm not going back.

Then I'll walk.

You can't. You're dying.

I am not dying.

You mustn't be afraid of death.

I am not dying!

God embraces all who believe in him,

for they shall have everlasting life.

I am not dying! I made it up!

I forgive you.

Oh, don't be so f***ing pompous.

I made a tit of myself.

I'm going home. End of story.

Evie.

Evie, where do you

think you're going?

Evie, stop. You're in

the middle of nowhere.

Then I will cling to

the edge of somewhere.

Evie, please. You're worth too

much to let yourself go.

Bugger off.

You know I'm right.

You can't deny it.

God gave you your

talent for a reason.

There is no God,

you hopeless little cretin.

God forgives you for that, too.

Let's get one

thing clear, sonny boy.

I do the forgiving, not God.

That's a terrible thing to say.

Oh, don't get biblical on me,

you pompous f***.

You never read

the bloody thing anyway.

- I read my Bible every night!

- Liar!

Liar?

You're telling me I'm a liar?

I've never met anyone

who lied so much in all my life.

You make up whole

people out of thin air.

You said you'd be there

at 11:
00 and you weren't!

You make up conversations.

You make up money.

The one time I really needed you

and you let me down!

The one time!

Who were you with

that was so bloody important

you couldn't even

be bothered to show up?

Who was it?

Bryony.

Take me home.

We can look for

a campsite on the way.

I'm sorry.

Come and look.

Evie?

Mmm?

Do you know that picture

I found on your desk?

Was that your baby?

What happened?

He died of meningitis

when he was two.

What was his name?

Thomas Oliver Walton. Tom.

He had

a particular way of speaking.

When he was proud of something,

he used to miss words out.

Like once when we were

trying to catch a bus.

He was holding my hand,

shouting, "I running. "

Life is confusing.

Just when we think it's all over,

it throws a view like this at us

and we don't know where we are.

Shall I bring in the things?

Tomorrow.

I'm going to rest now.

I tricked you into going all

that way, and you didn't want to go.

I'm sorry.

I had a brilliant time, really.

Tomorrow, then.

You don't have to tell me

what happened. I know already.

Some people are wicked,

and that's all there is to it.

She isn't wicked.

She's an actress!

I think that says enough.

Of course, I blame myself

for suggesting we try and do

something kind for Mr. Fincham.

This is the thanks I get.

My child on drugs, probably abused.

I wasn't abused.

I had a really good time.

When you went with that actress,

you left God's house.

While there is breath in my body,

you will not leave it again.

Look at me when

I'm talking to you!

She needs me. She's my friend.

I could never

betray you, Ben.

Don't betray me.

Don't be a betrayer.

You may have noticed

that Mr. Fincham has started

dressing in my clothes.

We must assume that

this is part of his recovery.

Evie, it's me, Ben.

I can't make it today.

My mum... Anyway, I'll try

and get there tomorrow.

Ben. I have to go now.

Sway.

Town to town

Broadcast to each house,

they drop your name

Sway.

But no one knows your face

Billboards quoting things

you'd never say

You hang your head and pray

For Jesusland

Jesusland

Down.

And one, two, three, up.

Hello. May I help you?

How do you do?

I'm Dame Eve Walton.

I was wondering

if Ben was in, by any chance.

I'm afraid he's out.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Would you mind

telling him I called?

Only he left a message,

but I haven't heard from him.

I'm so sorry.

He has no wish

to work for you anymore.

I see. Did he say why?

He's found

something more appropriate.

More appropriate?

Is that all?

Yes. I'm sorry. Yes.

Please give him

my very best wishes.

Thank you so much for calling.

Goodbye.

Ben, what would I do without you?

First positions, please.

Quick as you can. Quick as you can.

Look at them. I'd like to see

Dame Evie do better.

The way she looks, I'd say she was

lucky to get a soap opera.

What do you mean?

You've never met her.

Mum,

did she come looking for me?

On a hot afternoon in

the hills of Galilee,

a hungry crowd is gathering

in the shade of a eucalyptus tree,

when all of a sudden,

Jesus Christ, the son of God,

comes strolling towards them.

We're hungry.

... they cry.

Where can we get food?

Showing them his

loaves and fishes,

Jesus smiles and says...

Come unto me, all ye that are heavy

lade and I will refresh you.

Ben?

Well, Jesus was a man

who traveled through the land

A hard working man and brave

Well, he said to the rich

Now

give your money to the poor

So they lay

Jesus Christ in his grave

Hah-le, hallelujah

Hah-le, hallelujah

Hah-le, hallelujah

They lay

Jesus Christ is his grave

Hah-le, hallelujah

They lay

Jesus Christ in his grave

Evie? It's me, Ben.

I've only got a few minutes.

I'm in that play at the church hall.

I just want you to know,

Mum never told me you called.

Evie, I know you're in there.

Please answer the door.

Evie, I need to talk to you.

I only stayed away 'cause

I was scared what my mum would do.

Evie! I need you!

You're my best friend.

Don't make me go back there,

not like this.

Evie?

You silly cow.

Hold on, dear. Bloody hell.

I'm coming! Hang on.

Don't give up! I'm on my way!

Taxi!

Saint Luke's Church Hall, Finchley.

And now, as the final chapter

of our story unfolds,

we watch God's angels

surrounding the stone that lies

across the mouth of the cave

in preparation for

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