Drop Dead Gorgeous Page #16

FEMALE PRISONER:

Get your sweet ass off the bunk,

Cinnamon.

GLADYS (V.O. ON PHONE)

Gotta go.

Click. DIAL TONE.

EXT. LORETTA'S TRAILER - DAY

Annette (left arm's been amputated and replaced with

metal pincers which she hasn't mastered yet) sits at the

picnic table with Amber and Loretta. Throughout the

following, Annette struggles to open a beer can which

keeps flying out of her pincers. (Handmade

"congratulations" posters cover the lawn and trailer.)

AMBER:

I just, I just can't believe it. I'm

Minnesota's American Teen Princess!

LORETTA:

Our baby's going to Nationals!

Lincoln, Alabama - look out!

AMBER:

I'm gonna be on TV! Just like Diane

Sawyer.

Annette opens a beer with a new HOOK replacing her hand.

LORETTA:

Annette, just use your hand.

ANNETTE:

They told me to practice.

AMBER:

Okay, ready? Here's the signal I'm

gonna give Ma when I'm on TV.

Amber MIMES inhaling a cigarette and Annette embraces

her.

ANNETTE:

My little Carol Burnett.

EXT. AIR FIELD

In the middle of a corn field. The "runaway" is a gravel

path cut between rows of corn. A FOUR-SEATER plane is on

the runway, in front of a group of town folk with hand-

made "good luck" signs. Amber (in Minnesota sash and

tiara) and the Mayor stand beside the plane. (NOTE: The

plane never moves.)

EXT. AIR FIELD - LATER

MAYOR:

(into bullhorn)

Here she is, Minnesota's American Teen

Princess - soon to be the next

America's American Teen Princess - our

little Amber!

ZOOM IN ON AMBER as PEOPLE cheer Amber on.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. SARAH ROSE COSMETICS, NAT'L HEADQUARTERS - DAY

A giant Sarah Rose Cosmetics logo on the wall greets

Amber.

SUPER:
SARAH ROSE COSMETICS NATIONAL HEADQUARTERS,

LINCOLN, ALABAMA.

The CONTESTANTS, including Amber, look around for the

directory. It reads: FOR LEASE. A sign at the front of

the building reads: SEIZED.

SUPER:
IN ITS FIFTIETH YEAR, SARAH ROSE COSMETICS WAS

SEIZED BY THE IRS FOR TAX EVASION...

As the CAMERA catches the reactions of our contestants -

SUPER:
THE SARAH ROSE COSMETICS AMERICAN TEEN PRINCESS

PAGEANT WAS CANCELED...

We STOP on MISS OKLAHOMA. She SCREAMS

SUPER:
...PERMANENTLY

EXT. SARAH ROSE COSMETICS, NAT'L HEADQUARTERS - DAY

As the contestants run out the building...

SUPER:
BUT IN ITS PASSING WE ARE INSPIRED BY THE SPIRIT

OF THE MANY YOUNG WOMEN WHO WERE ITS HEART AND SOUL...

Contestants THROW and HURL suitcases and items through

the glass of the building.

SUPER:
...AND BY THE MANY WHO GAVE THEIR LIVES IN PURSUIT

OF THE TITLE...

The contestants TEAR DOWN the Sarah Rose Logo.

DIP TO BLACK:

EXT. CHASKA SCHOOL OF BEAUTY

A very perky Leslie Miller, with very big hair, stands

out front in a white lab coat. She smiles and waves to

camera.

SUPER:
LESLIE MILLER ENTERED "THE CHASKA SCHOOL OF

BEAUTY"...

EXT. STRIP BAR - NIGHT

A COLOR PHOTO of slightly less perky Leslie, wearing go-

go boots and a smile, dances in a cage.

SUPER:
SHE WAS LAST HEARD FROM SOMEWHERE IN THE

PHILIPPINES. IF YOU SEE HER, PLEASE CALL 1-800-X-QUEEN.

DIP TO BLACK:

INT./EXT. HARDWARE HANK

It's a lovely shot of the front window

SUPER:
HAROLD VILMES DIED UNEXPECTEDLY OF LYMES DISEASE

FROM A DEER TICK BITE

Suddenly, HANK, buck naked, runs back and forth past the

window, spanking himself and waving "hi."

SUPER CONT:
LEAVING HANK THE STORE

DIP TO BLACK:

EXT. MOUNT ROSE - STREET

MOLLY HOWARD is being helped into a van with "Lutheran

Children's Orphanage" painted on the side. She looks

sad.

SUPER:
MOLLY HOWARD RETURNED TO THE "LUTHERAN CHILDREN'S

ORPHANAGE" AFTER HER PARENTS WERE GUNNED DOWN BY A SNIPER

OUTSIDE THE FOOD SHACK.

INT. ROOM - DAY

CLOSE UP of a newspaper photo of Gladys.

SUPER:
GLADYS LEEMAN ENTERED A STATE-WIDE PRISON BEAUTY

PAGEANT...

The banner and hat she wears read: MINNESOTA 2ND PLACE,

CELL BLOCK:

SUPER:
...SHE CAME IN SECOND.

INSERT:
NEWSPAPER HEADLINES

"EX-BEAUTY QUEEN ESCAPES PRISON, VOWS "REVENGE ON MOUNT

ROSE"

EXT. MAIN STREET - FOOD SHACK

Gladys, wearing Army Fatigues and brandishing a semi-

automatic rifle aimed at the FOOD SHACK, holds off a

S.W.A.T. team.

GLADYS:

Come on out, you little blonde piece

of trailer park trash!

LOCAL NEWSCAST:

Female reporter is on the scene of the Gladys Leeman

stand-off outside the food shack. We see Amber, Annette

(with hook hand) and other town folk behind her, watching

the action. "LIVE" flashes on screen.

SUPER:
DURING THE SIX-HOUR GLADYS LEEMAN STAND-OFF

FEMALE REPORTER:

We are here in the sixth hour of a

shoot-out between Gladys Leeman -

MAN AT FOOD SHACK

Get down!

The female reporter suddenly stiffens and falls over.

SUPER:
LOCAL REPORTER PAT MILES WAS STRUCK BY A STRAY

POLICE BULLET.

Amber steps under the police barricade, over Pat's body,

takes the mic and continues the newscast. She's a

natural.

AMBER:

This is Amber Atkins reporting live

from the Food Shack for...KRLH News.

One of our reporters has just been

shot.

SUPER:
AMBER, SHOWING AMAZING POISE UNDER PRESSURE, WAS

GIVEN HER JOB.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. MINNEAPOLIS NEWS STATION

Amber, now looking like a Midwestern news anchor, sits

with a BLOND MALE ANCHOR. A LOGO in B.G. reads: TV WAZB

TWIN CITIES.

BLONDE NEWS ANCHOR

I'm Peter Aitchison.

AMBER:

And I'm Amber Atkins for WAZB News.

SUPER:
...was given her job.

AMBER (cont'd)

Good night.

As they smile and laugh, we:

FADE OUT.

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