Drop Dead Gorgeous Page #5

LESTER:

That's enough, young lady.

JUMP CUT TO:

INT. LEEMAN HOME - LIVING ROOM - LATER

GLADYS:

"Impartial?" Outside this house I'm

Gladys Leeman, President, Civil

Servettes - impartial as the day is

long. But we're inside my home now

and I've gotta warn you, I'm wearin'

my "wife apron" and "mom hat." So, I

can safely say that I'm the mother of

the most talented contestant Mount

Rose has ever seen.

JUMP CUT TO:

INT. LEEMAN HOME - LIVING ROOM - LATER

Lester's gone from the couch.

GLADYS:

I'll field that one - Rebecca's saving

her voice.

Becky smiles admiringly at Gladys.

GLADYS (cont'd)

You-betcha, Rebecca's ready. She's

been singin' and dancin' since she was

knee high to a pig's eye.

Lester returns to the couch, large drink in hand.

LESTER:

Yah-she's damn near as good as that

little black fella - with the glass

eye.

GLADYS:

Sammy Davis, Jr., honey.

LESTER:

Yeah, yeah, the Jew.

BECKY:

Nice one, Dad. He's dead.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - GYM

Same scene. BOYS' WRESTLING TEAM - tight singlets - runs

laps around gym - between Servettes and camera.

GLADYS:

...Yah-then, for the "Judges

Interview," each girl has a ten minute

get-together with the judges before

the pageant...

Gladys is distracted by the HARD, YOUNG bodies. All are.

GLADYS:

Yes, the Judges Interview.. Each girl

has a ten minute get-together with the

judges prior to the pageant. Then we

have the...

A HUNKY WRESTLER, TONY, waves.

GLADYS (cont'd)

Hello, Tony.

TONY:

Hey.

GLADYS:

"Hey" to the folks.

TONY:

Yeah, all right.

IRIS:

The Judges Interview.

EXT. DRUGSTORE - MAIN STREET - DAY

JOHN DOUGH - pharmacist, 30-ish, thin, nervous - chain

smokes outside the drugstore.

SUPER:
JUDGE #1, JOHN DOUGH

DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)

So you've, uh, you've judged a lot of

pageants over the years?

JOHN:

Nope. No. Uh-uh. Never judged a

pageant before in my life. Nope. No

way. Never around young girls. Even

if I was, why would I wanna be,

y'know? I-I-I don't get off on that

kinda thing and that's really why

you're askin', right? S-someone say

somethin'?

EXT. HAROLD'S HARDWARE HANK - MAIN STREET - DAY

HAROLD - owner, late 40's - stands in front of this

grubby little store front with his MILDLY RETARDED

BROTHER, HANK, who SNIFFS and MUMBLES CONSTANTLY.

SUPER:
JUDGE #2, HAROLD VILMES

DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)

Do you judge the pageant every year?

HAROLD:

...Nope. Never judged nothin' afore --

HANK:

(pointing at camera)

Are we on "Cops?" Are we on "Cops?"

Are we on "Cops?"

HAROLD:

Shut up, Hank. This here's business.

Harold CUFFS Hank.

HANK:

Ow, Harold - Mom said not the head.

HAROLD:

Well, Mom's dead, so shut your fly

trap.

HANK:

I will if you shut your piehole.

HAROLD:

Don't make me kick-ya where the good

Lord split-ya.

Harold raises his hand, Hank FLINCHES and

EXT. HAROLD'S HARDWARE HANK - LATER

DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)

So are you excited?

HAROLD:

...Oh you betcha! We're happier than

the day Hanky got acquitted. I get

made a judge, then the furniture store

hires us to paint the whole damn

thing.

(removing cap)

We're gonna use the money to get our

mamma a proper headstone. Oh, and

move her out to the cemetery.

Suddenly, Hank runs full speed into the window. BAM! He

falls to the ground inside.

INT. LEEMAN FURNITURE SHOWROOM - DAY

Follow Lester around cheesy room displays. JEAN KANGAS,

his meek, middle-aged secretary follows him everywhere.

Lester CALLS OUT to a YOUNG COUPLE sitting in a dining

room.

LESTER:

Hey Tim, Carla - if yous kids don't

try to Jew me down none, I'll throw in

a matchin' hutch.

The COUPLE smiles excitedly.

LESTER (cont'd)

(to camera)

See, that there's my specialty. Don't

pay me less and I'll give ya more.

(sotto)

Secret is, the hutch is included in

the price. Ain't that right, Jean?

Lester smacks Jean on the ass.

SUPER:
JUDGE #3, JEAN KANGAS.

LESTER (cont'd)

Take a memo, sweetheart.

EXT. CHLORIS KLINHAGEN HOUSE - GARAGE DOOR

REHEARSAL MONTAGE BEGINS OVER MUSIC.

Contestants run out the side door as if running on stage.

Tess Weinhaus trips and falls, causing a chain reaction.

EXT. CHLORIS KLINHAGEN HOUSE - GARAGE DOOR - LATER

Now contestants run out carrying small wooden step

ladders. As they reach the CHORUS LINE, they set the

ladder down and LEAP FROG over.

SUPER:
FIRST DANCE REHEARSAL - 1 WEEK BEFORE PAGEANT

CHLORIS:

Four, five, six, seven. And one.

Tess runs out, sets her ladder down, jumps and hits mid-

crotch. She then slides painfully down to the ground.

CHLORIS (cont'd)

Put that chair away! Get it! Come

on! Get it!

Amber TWIRLS perfectly.

CHLORIS (cont'd)

All right. Let's got. Let's go.

EXT. CHLORIS KLINHAGEN HOUSE - SIDEWALK - CONTINUOUS

PAN ACROSS NEIGHBORS' sitting in lawn chairs, enjoying

the music and the show. END ON JOHN DOUGH, leaning

against his car, smoking and holding a video camera at

his side.

EXT. CHLORIS KLINHAGEN'S HOUSE - FRONT LAWN

PAN DOWN row doing a seated chorus line on ladders. Most

suck. Amber and Becky look great. Tess sits on the

grass with a bag of ice on her crotch.

EXT. CHLORIS KLINGHAGEN HOUSE - SIDEWALK

On John Dough, beside his car.

JOHN:

I'm just out here watching the young

girls - contestants - like the rest of

my friends and neighbors...

John quickly turns and starts to pry the hood open.

ANGLE ON:

Pat and Brett watch the girls. Pat admires Amber's

moves.

PAT:

(re:
Amber)

Are you gettin' her? Uh, the third

one, the blonde one.

BRETT:

Hey.

PAT:

See? Right over there. Right over

there.

Brett slaps Pat on the back.

BRETT:

Leave him alone, leave him alone.

It's okay.

EXT. CHLORIS KLINHAGEN'S HOUSE - FRONT LAWN

John, his car hood open, is caught aiming his video

camera at the girls performing a dance. They wear

partially constructed U.S. Monument Headdresses.

JOHN:

Oh, this is just a...camera. I keep

it in the glove compartment for car

accidents. Insurance... You guys got

a camera and no one's accusin' you of

anything, right?

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - KITCHEN

Move through kitchen. LUNCH LADIES haul, serve and

prepare food. Pan over to Amber, who's unhappily

scraping and spraying lunch trays as they're dropped off

at her window. Becky, flirting her ass off, comes to the

window with Brett, handsome football player we saw

before. Both carry trays.

BECKY:

So, Brett, do you wanna go to the lake

with me on Thursday?

BRETT:

Um, actually, I got practice on

Thursday.

BECKY:

...Yah-well, maybe Friday, then. A

bunch of us were gonna go cow-tippin'.

SUPER:
BRETT CLEMMENS, CAPTAIN, MOUNT ROSE HIGH SCHOOL

FOOTBALL TEAM:

BRETT:

(seeing Amber)

Uh, I-uh-I'm kinda busy Friday.

Amber looks up to see Brett looking at her. He smiles.

She smiles. You can feel the attraction. Amber becomes

girlishly self-conscious -- adjusting her rubber apron

and brushing hair out of her eyes with her big rubber

gloves.

BRETT (cont'd)

(to Amber)

Hi...

AMBER:

Hi.

Becky notices their attraction and goes from flirt to

uber-b*tch in a heartbeat.

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