Drop Dead Gorgeous Page #8

AMBER:

Oh, c'mon... First the picture of

Tammy, then Brett Clemens, now this?

It's scary.

ANNETTE:

Let me tell you "scary," Amber. Look

at me. Do you wanna look like you

been rode hard and put away wet at my

age? I'm a "lifer" here. Best I can

hope for is to end up in a descent

"raisin ranch" where they'll change me

twice a day.

AMBER:

That's it, I'm goin'...

ANNETTE:

Honest to God, if I got to do it over?

I'd start walkin' outta this town the

minute I took my first step.

Practically the only thing I wouldn't

do different is have you...

Amber sits on the bed.

AMBER:

God I hope that's you and not your

concussion talkin'.

ANNETTE:

(smiling)

It's me...I just don't want this to be

the thing you'd do over. This

pageant's your ticket outta here. I

know you can win, Amber.

ANNETTE (cont'd)

C'mere. I love you so much.

AMBER:

I love you much.

Annette hugs Amber.

INT. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY - NIGHT

Follow a jubilant Amber and Loretta.

LORETTA:

Hell-no, she ain't quittin'.

AMBER:

No. Mom said if I did, she'd look up

my dad and marry him.

DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)

So has your mom kept your dad's life a

secret?

AMBER:

No. She never hid the fact that my

dad picked his career over us. What'd

she used to say?

LORETTA:

"Once a carnie, always a carnie."

AMBER:

Oh-yah.

EXT. MOUNT ROSE STREET - MORNING

The twin officers lean against their car.

TWIN OFFICER #1

The Atkins fire? Foul play? Sh*t-no.

After some thorough investigatin', we

determined it musta been a bad wirin'.

Mosta them trailer-folk plug a TV,

VCR, crock pot and Fry-daddy into one

outlet and don't think nothin' of it

ktil KABLEWEY!

TWIN OFFICER #2

(taking a pinch of Skoal)

Not enough left to fill a tin.

INT. HOSPITAL - ANNETTE'S ROOM - DAY

Annette is in bad shape. The candy striper nervously

stands beside her, holding a syringe.

ANNETTE:

"Bad wirin'?!" Well, if that ain't

the biggest crock-a-sh*t ever.

(turning on the candy

striper)

Ooowwww-Jesus! Did K-Mart have a sale

on dull needles?

CANDY STRIPER:

I-I just need one more "do-over."

EXT. MOUNT ROSE V.F.W.

Follow the contestants up to the door.

INT. MOUNT ROSE V.F.W. - MAIN HALL

A smokey room with DRUNKEN VETS at the bar and

CONTESTANTS, in Sunday best, crowded around some tables.

They couldn't seem more out of place.

INT. MOUNT ROSE V.F.W. - MAIN HALL

SUPER:
JUDGES INTERVIEWS - 3 DAYS BEFORE THE PAGEANT

GLADYS:

So, remember the three most important

parts of a good interview...

IRIS:

Okay, everybody, listen up!

GLADYS:

Number one, American Teen Princess'

don't cross their legs like

streetwalkers.

The girls put their knees together.

GLADYS (cont'd)

Excuse me, Miss Penthouse Ninety-

eight, put your knees together.

(contestants laugh)

I could drive a boat show in there.

Gladys paces.

GLADYS (cont'd)

Ankles together. Hands resting

lightly on your laps. Good. Sit up

straight. Smile!

JUMP CUT TO:

INT. MOUNT ROSE V.F.W. - MAIN HALL

GLADYS:

All right. Number two: the judges are

as nervous as you are.

V.F.W. - BACK ROOM

JUDGES - HAROLD, JOHN and JEAN KANGAS (Lester's

secretary) sit at a table, clipboards in front of them,

STARING at the camera. HANKS sits behind them,

fidgeting.

DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)

So are you about ready to start the

judging - start the interview, there?

JOHN:

(after long beat)

Uh, I-I guess I could answer that.

Yep. We're ready. So, we should

probably get the young girls in here,

then. Y'know, to start the

interviews...

V.F.W. - BACK ROOM

Tess enters, sits, then quickly remembers how to sit.

Judges nervously look at their clipboards - pencils

ready.

HAROLD:

(trouble reading)

Uh, "if you could be any tree in the

woods, what kinda tree would you be?"

TESS:

(long pause)

Dogwood.

V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

ON MOLLY HOWARD, seated.

MOLLY:

Bonsai.

V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

ON LESLIE, seated.

LESLIE:

Green?

V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

ON MICHELLE JOHANSON, seated.

MICHELLE:

A tree? I can be any tree you want.

Gimme a minute.

She begins vocal and facial warm-up exercises.

V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

ON BECKY, seated.

BECKY:

One with strong roots in a community

like Mount Rose, a solid Christian

trunk and long leafy branches to

provide shade for handicapped kids on

a hot summer day.

V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

ON LISA SWENSON, seated, staring for a long beat, then:

LISA:

You guys know the retard's pants are

open?

(laughing)

I don't want to see that.

V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

ON THE JUDGES - Harold reads, John stares longingly.

HAROLD:

"Who would you pick to be president,

dead or alive?"

PAN OVER to Molly Howard.

MOLLY:

Uh, Emperor Hirohito.

V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

ON LESLIE, seated...

LESLIE:

Brett Favre!

V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

ON BECKY, seated.

BECKY:

My mother, kcause she could solve

world hunger with one of her blue-

ribbon rhubarb pies, create world

peace with one of her prayers and

still find time to look

beautiful...for my dad, Lester Leeman.

V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

John Dough drinks nervously from his water glass.

JOHN:

D-do you like to swim?

The other judges look at him, then at their clipboards

trying to find this question.

V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

ON LISA SWENSON:

LISA:

Oh-yah, I love to swim. When I was in

New York, I met Greg Louganis at one-a

my brothers' shows...

V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

Janelle, sings a long answer. The Judges look at each

other confused and frustrated.

JOHN:

What the hell is she trying to say?

(yelling)

Say it!

JANELLE:

The ktards pants are completely off!

The Judges turn and look at Hank.

HAROLD:

Close up shop. Close up shop, Hank.

HANK:

Harold!

HAROLD:

Close up shop!

V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

ON HAROLD:

HAROLD:

You Amber Atkins?

AMBER (O.S.)

Yes. Yes I am. Thank you, hello.

All judges turn a page on their clipboards.

HAROLD:

"Name and spell all the United States

in alphabetical order."

PAN OVER to a stunned Amber.

AMBER:

Seriously?

HAROLD (O.S.)

Ah-yep.

Amber can't believe what she's hearing.

AMBER:

Well, ah...Alabama. A-L-A-B-A-M-A.

Alaska. A-L-A-S-K-A. Arizona. A-R-I-

Z-O-N-A.

V.F.W. - BACK ROOM - MONTAGE

AMBER:

West Virginia. W-E-S-T-V-I-R-G-N-I-A.

Wisconsin. W-I-S-C-O-N-S-O-N.

Wyoming. W-Y-O-M-I-N-G.

Pan over to Judges. They can't believe it. Hank CLAPS

retardedly. He loves her.

HAROLD:

(looking at others)

Uh-okay, then.

INT. DAKOTA COUNTY EATING DISORDERS CLINIC - MARY'S ROOM

A NURSE now stands beside Mary.

MARY:

With two weeks until the pageant...

(continued labored breaths)

I was practicing my talent. Finishing

my costume, brushing up on current

events, and running eighteen miles a

day on about four hundred calories. I

was ready.

The nurse gives her a hit of oxygen. Mary smiles and

gives a THUMBS UP from behind the oxygen mask.

DRESSING ROOM - HALLWAY

PAN DOWN long, narrow room. A counter, with mirrors and

bare bulbs, cover one wall. Girls set up their areas and

change into their talent costumes.

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