Drowning by Numbers Page #3

too excited about it.

Madgett will be

pleased for me.

He, least of all.

Moths?

Yes. Look up those.

Elephant Hawk Moth.

I want

a baby.

At nineteen?

Cissy, you are mad.

I thought you wanted to spend

your life swimming, not bearing children.

Bellamy can't

even swim.

- I don't think he can change a lightbulb.

- I know.

Championship women swimmers

always have their sons early.

and how sure are you

that it will be a boy?

Capable women

normally have girls.

What do

you want?

I'm hot.

Is it true it's desirable to be

circumcised in a hot climate?

So they say.

Was Samson

circumcised?

Does it hurt?

I don't remember.

What does

it look like?

Nothing special. Look..

Now go to bed.

Was Delilah circumcised?

Do they circumcise women?

Sort of...

in hot countries.

- It's hot here.

- So it is

Did they do

it to Cissy?

I doubt it

very much.

Was Jake

circumcised?

You better ask Cissy.

Is circumcision

barbaric?

Some say so.

Now go to bed,

and anything unanswered about

man's barbarity to women,

you can ask Cissy in the

morning, she's an authority.

now let

me write.

Sid !

Number 41. It's by the bridge

in Cattermole Road.

What's he doing?

He's counting the bees,

always counting something.

Bees should be told

about a death.

That only applies to blood

relatives doesn't it?.

Isn't she going to

be a blood relative?

Isn't who?

Cissy, Jake's widow.

Gregory!

What makes

you think that??

Isn't that why you signed the

death certificate "heart attack"?

Good lord, Gregory,

what an imagination.

I know. I got it

from my mother.

Mothers have a lot

to answer for.

Oh sorry it's Smut, here

have a newspaper.

Smut

You're late, you're

supposed to be swimming.

Gregory, come and try this new

game with me. You too, Nancy.

I've got to go, you've forgotten

to tell Madgett about...

He doesn't want to know

about them! Silly girl!

Right then Nancy,

see you later.

Mind the sheep!

The game Bees of the Trees

is a variant of Musical Chairs

it is best played with funeral

music and in open air.

The object of the game is to sit on

a vacant chair when the music stops.

If the chair sat on is

previously occupied by bees,

it is permissible to

arrange a professional foul.

Are you

Cissy Colpitt ?

I am but there

are others.

Our name's Bognor.

B.O.G.N.O.R.

I am Jonah and

this is Moses

We're cousins

of the dead man.

What dead man?

Come on don't be stupid.

Jake of course.

Pleased to meet you.

Are you in training too?

Training?

For the

Olympics.

No, are you?

Yes

Well my coach

is over there.

The one in the red beret

trained with Dawn Fraser.

The other one swam with

Esther Williams in Stockholm.

I thought Esther Williams,

was a singer?

Do you know

those two men?

Wait a minute... they do

look vaguely familiar...

They know you.

They do?

They're Jake's cousins,

they're called Moses and Jonah.

The water's

a connection

How much do you think

body hair is appreciably....

...responsible for extra drag

Miss Freilichberg?

Pardon?

Do you think I ought to

shave and not just my legs?

What do you think

I'd look like bald?

What?

Did Bellamy and

you do that??

???swimming??

When I need to impress

I expect support.

Pardon.

The turn...

it is essential that the

muscles of the pelvis

move at 45 degrees at an

angle to the front.

Johnny Weissmullers...

stop that...legs

Oh Smut

Here's your towel.

It's alright, these

have been counted.

Look!

A man that is born of a woman

has but a short time to live...

You know why they built the

crematorium here don't you??

The ground is so water

logged around here..

...that you can't dig a grave

without making a pond..

Ask Sid.

As it is they hold these services at low

tide in case the water puts the fire out! - Cissy!

Here comes the bit

I've never liked..

Bite your lip and start

counting in threes.

What are

they doing?

They're counting.

They often do it.

Are you the

local coroner?

How come a

six foot man

drowned in a

four foot bath?

He died of a

heart attack.

A bit inconvenient to have a

heart attack in a bath isn't it?.

It's a bit inconvenient to

have a heart attack anywhere.

What would you say if we said

we don't agree with your verdict?

I'd say you'd better find me

some evidence to the contrary.

How's about "Why were there

two baths?", eh Madgett?

I had a sort of complaint

recently from Nancy..

She came to me to complain of

erm...red paint on her leg

lost shoes and....

some other I gather rather

embarrassing missing article.

- Her knickers.

- Really?

How do you

know that??

Because she paid me to go into

your kitchen and look for them.

She what?

Well she used to be my

Sunday School teacher.

She taught me the ten

commandments - not to lie...

Not to commit adultery...

Shut up Cissy

and I found them

under your sink,

put them in my pocket and

told her they weren't there.

Which was true because

they were in my pocket.

and here they are.

They would of cost another 50 pence.

That shows great

presence of mind.

and a taste

for business.

Well that

settles it then.

If I go down you all

go down with me.

Look who's there.

Nancy.

and the two swimmers

from the baths.

and Bellamy.

Perhaps there's

a conspiracy.

A water tower conspiracy.

Set to accuse you,

Cissy, of drowning.

Rubbish!

The object of hangman's

cricket is for each competitor

to retain his

alloted nine lives

by scoring runs

with a cat or bat,

defending his lower leg from

being struck by the ball.

There is no limit to

the number of players

as long as each has an identity

agreed by the two referees.

Now bat harder or

play without shoes!

This game of yours Madgett has

everything in it except the kitchen sink.

Thank you.

When played inland Mrs Hardy...

The more important identities

are the emperor,

the red queen, the widow,

the fat lady,

the dunce, the judge,

the hangman,

the harlot

Come on you two, out!

the businessman, the maiden

Go and do your

fornication elsewhere.

It's not fornication any more

You buy a marriage licence

and it becomes legal

Not on my couch

it doesn't.

I'll give you 3 minutes to make yourself decent.

Hasn't the novelty worn off yet.

Well you see Hardy, we've only

been married for two hours.

Oh like hell!

Every cow in every field in the district

has seen the colour of your arse Bellamy.

Crabby idiot!

Hey do you think

he ever did it?

Ask Cissy.

The adulterer can only

play with the harlot..

when each has an even

number of lives above twelve

I am Marina, I'm Bellamy's

sister. Are you Madgett ? - I am

If I am in mourning, why do

I have to catch one handed?

Grief is a handicap my dear.

So is not being

able to see.

The mother in-law is only

allotted 5 runs at a time

after which she must defer

to the gravedigger

who is allowed to add

the number of runs of each

competitor he bowls out to his own.

Out Hardy !

She's cheating!

I do not want to put fetish punch

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