Drunk Wedding Page #4

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if we can just make things official.

You f***ing idiot.

She loves me.

She loves me.

It's beautiful.

I don't believe you, but thank you.

So, how long do you think

he's been planning to ask you?

I don't know. I'm just in shock.

You know?

I just, like, stared at him all night,

I couldn't even sleep.

Jon-Jon, wake up.

Jenny BOY -.

- good morning, sunshine.

- Let's go, Johnny boy. Big day.

Johnny boy.

- You're okay?

- You're okay.

Sh*t.

- Get up my man.

- Man.

This is gonna be a great wedding.

And look who it is.

Girl, come here.

Good morning.

Beautiful bride, yeah!

What the f***?

Phil?

Stop it.

Come here, Phil.

Wake up.

Jeez, man.

This is the worst day of my life.

Jon, get up!

Dude, come on.

- What's that man?

- Hello.

Yo, what is that? Is that a scrape?

It's probably just a scratch

or something.

Stop staring at my dick.

That's a bite mark.

It's not a bite mark.

Listen Jon, I know a bite mark

when I see it. Okay?

I've studied this sh*t.

They are tooth marks,

there is no doubt about that.

All right?

You had a human mouth on your penis.

You had a blow job last night.

Sh*t.

You think Elissa did it?

I was in the casita all night.

Elissa never left.

Really?

Holy sh*t.

- I slept very well.

- Yes, you did.

- I'm getting married today.

- You are.

I feel amazing.

- You look beautiful.

- This place is magical.

- Seriously.

- Who sucked your dick?

I don't know. I can't remember.

I could never do that to my fiance.

- Shut the f*** up.

- What?

- A**hole.

- Just saying, it's a sacred commitment.

Man.

Look who just arrived.

Yeah, man.

You got drunk

and slept in that bathroom.

Who does that, man?

- Phil does, baby.

- You do.

Jon, you got a blow job?

This is nuts, you guys.

- All right, I'm out of here.

- Pally down, Phil.

- I got to go.

- Yeah.

See the old ball and chain.

Get ready for the wedding.

- Phil. Phil. Phil?

- What's up, man?

You know you can't tell Daphne

about this, right?

Dude, you can count on me, man.

I'm going to be your brother-in-law.

It's going in the Bank of Phil,

filed under "B" for bros.

I feel like I'm dreaming. I don't know.

Ivan just posted something

to our video blog.

I bet it's like a little wedding message

from the boys.

Johnny boy. Good morning, sunshine.

Hey, wake up, it's your wedding day.

Is he puking?

Let's turn that off.

Wake up!

This is the worst day of my life.

Wait, what happened? Turn it back on.

It says "file not found."

Worst day of his life?

Did you hear that?

What kind of night did he have? What...

It's... I'm sure it's fine.

- Yeah, it's fine.

- It's fine.

It's no big deal.

They were just drinking a little.

I'm an idiot.

I uploaded it by mistake.

- I don't need this, buddy. Okay?

- Don't worry, I deleted it.

Let me just get this.

Rice thing worked.

Speak of the she-devil.

Hey, Daph-Daph.

- Hello, what are you doing?

- Just hanging with the dudes.

- Nothing. Nothing is wrong or anything.

- Put it down.

- Babe, I'm not hiding anything.

- Put it down, mate.

- Babe, what do you think I'm hiding?

- Shut up.

- Phil.

- Nothing bad happened last night.

Hey. Daphne?

Phil's a little embarrassed about his...

His shirt got ruined last night.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, fancy shirt.

- What?

- He completely destroyed.

So, we have a lot of getting ready to do,

we'll see you at the ceremony.

- Is it ruined?

- Yeah.

It's just some stains.

Just have to run it to the drycleaners.

Fancy shirt will be fine.

There's a big stain

right on the back. Yeah.

Right... What?

- There.

- What the heck, man?

What the heck?

Now, she thinks that's what

you're lying about, man.

Look what you did to fancy shirt!

Are you okay, Daphne?

I just... I really loved fancy shirt.

He has changed a lot

in the last few years.

But the second he gets with those guys,

it's like...

I mean, he just needed to meet you.

- This good girl.

- Sarah, no.

I'm not always a good girl.

Why did he and his friends

get to have all the fun?

I mean, no one even asked me.

I would have stayed out.

I would have gotten so smashed.

I mean, I didn't even let you guys

throw me a bachelorette party.

Now I'm getting married.

So, let's do it.

Let's have a bachelorette party,

right now.

- Yes.

- Yes.

- Yes.

- That's exactly what we are going to do.

I'm getting married in five hours.

We can't let those jackasses

have all the fun.

Yeah, let's have some fun.

I got some fruit salad back in my casita-.

Yeah, or alcohol.

I have an idea.

I mean, what if she finds out?

How could she ever find out, man?

- I don't know.

- Stop worrying.

We are fine. Let's go put on suits.

Phil?

What's up, man?

Phil, what are you doing?

What's going on?

You were being really funny last night.

You were drunk, it was like great,

classic wedding material kind of stuff.

It was...

I thought it would be good

to get hidden camera stuff, so I...

I set up a camera right here.

- You left it running?

- Holy sh*t.

What the f*** is wrong with you.

I'm going to talk to security.

'Cause that's... That's theft.

Are you kidding me? For real?

So, some girl blew me,

swiped Phil's camera,

and now she is gonna

show it to everyone.

I'm f***ed.

We've been filming this?

All of this? Turn it off.

Ivan, turn it off! Okay?

- Let's not be hasty, though, Jon.

- Jesus!

Delete everything

from this morning, please.

I don't like hearing that, though,

because this is some good back...

You might want this later.

That's all I'm...

- That's all I'm saying.

- Will I?

- Really? Will I want this later?

- Shut the f*** up.

- No, I don't think so. Sit down.

- Shut the f*** off.

- Turn it off.

- Turn off the camera.

Ripped Phil's shirt.

- I got final cut, man.

- Shut this thing off.

For room... What room are we?

Hey, come up in four right now.

You have basically handed over

your entire relationship to this girl.

Do you understand that?

She's driving the whole thing.

You're just in the back seat

riding like a little b*tch.

Phil, you don't want to be a little b*tch.

Do you?

No, I don't want to be a little b*tch.

You're a whipped man, Phil.

Okay, so what do I do?

Okay, what's something

that she hates about herself?

She thinks her arms are too fat.

Okay. Next time

she starts giving you sh*t,

you're gonna look at her in the face

and you are going to say,

"Hey, you've put on some weight."

And Phil the man,

he doesn't like that sh*t.

You just want me to

start a fight with her?

Exactly.

See, this way,

if you start fighting with her,

she'll forget the fact that you were lying.

Then we're just, like,

yelling at each other.

Come on dude, toughen up.

You need to seriously get it together.

I do have it together, man. But she...

Look at yourself in the mirror.

Let's have some fruit salad.

Now don't be shy.

- Don't be shy.

- Guys, you got me shots?

It's getting crazy in the house.

Just you wait.

- Hi.

- Hi.

What's happening?

Oh, my God.

- Are you serious?

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