Drunk Wedding Page #7

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if you think about it!

Now, open it!

- Baby!

- What?

You're gonna break my rig

that I have out here.

I know you've been faking it, Phil.

- What?

- Your orgasms?

Yeah, I know you've been faking it.

What kind of husband does that?

He fakes an orgasm.

He can't even f*** his own wife.

You're a f***ing p*ssy, Phil. You're...

Don't call me a p*ssy.

Don't talk to me like that.

I'm a man, okay? I'm a real man.

I've got penis.

I've got testicles, all right?

Get on the bed!

Get on the bed.

Get up.

- Is this what you want?

- Yeah.

- You want Phil?

- Yeah.

- You want Phil?

- Phil...

I'm holding you, stay down there.

- You feel that passion?

- Yeah.

You feel the heat?

What's up, sports fans?

As ya'll can tell,

I'm a little tied up right now.

But guess who's on top of me?

So you really wanna know

what it's like to f*** Tammy?

Are you kidding me, baby?

I've wanted to f*** you since college.

Did I say you could

put your mouth on me?

That's not okay. Did I say that?

You little... You little

dirty little b*tch.

You like it rough.

Is that too rough?

Goddamn!

Shut up.

Stay down.

Linc, dude, what the f***?

Sh*t, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Hey, bro!

Looks like the best man won, right?

Wait, Linc!

Get back in here!

Is this the surprise?

- You got it, baby.

- What surprise?

You'll see.

No, no, no.

No, Linc, you are not watching, dude.

Sorry, bro, I'm not into that sh*t.

He's not watching.

Hell, yes!

Wait.

- Get over here, baby.

- Wait, wait, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, dude, come on.

Hey, put your pants back on.

What the f*** is going on right now?

Linc.

- You're such a cool dude.

- Oh, my God.

I think you're such a cool dude.

Oh, my God.

Dude, stop looking at me.

- Bros!

- No, we're not bros.

- We're bros!

- We're not bros.

- You're f***ing bros!

- We're f***ing bros!

You like it? You like it?

- Stop touching me.

- I'm close, I'm close.

Yeah!

- It's so pretty.

- These candles are amazing.

- We're married.

- Really?

We're married.

I'm making a movie.

- I'm excited.

- Yeah?

Oh, my God.

Get on the bed.

Come here. I've a surprise for you, baby.

- You have a surprise?

- Yeah.

What is this?

Sh*t. I forgot.

What is that?

Are you okay?

It's a...

It's a bite mark.

A bite mark?

Why is there a bite mark on your dick?

I'm really sorry.

Oh, my God.

You just thought

that you could just get away with that?

Get out of here.

I know that was unexpected

but it was also beautiful.

And I'm just gonna say it.

That was pretty intimate, man.

Linc.

Why are you so upset?

You said you wanted to

bang Tammy for years.

Not like that, bro.

What happened to

new experiences, bro?

You know, there was a moment

when we were both thrusting,

I felt your tip, man.

We touched tips.

- Hey, baby, we're rolling.

- Yeah?

We missed the wedding.

I don't really care.

I don't care either.

I know you don't care.

It's Nicaragua, sf?

Please tell me

your wedding is gonna be this nuts.

There is no wedding.

Phil, we're not getting married.

I f***ed it up. It's done.

What? Get it together, maybe.

Take a page out of the book of Phil.

If you know what's good for you.

Stand up straight,

fasten your big-boy pants,

you go over there and you get her back.

- Tam-Tam, what's going on, girl?

- Not much.

How you doin'? Where is everyone?

Where's Jon?

I don't know. I just spent the last hour

looking for Elissa.

After last night, they could be anywhere.

What does that mean?

Ivan, I can't do this right now.

I don't want to have this conversation.

I just wanna get home.

- Sarah.

- Just go.

When I watched you look down and see

that fake two-dollar ring in that sundae,

something happened to me.

I wanna believe you so bad.

See, that's what I'm saying to you.

It was all real. All of it.

I love you. I wanna marry you, Sarah.

Wait, wait, wait, I'm so sorry.

How could you get that drunk?

I don't know. I don't know. I...

I was with those guys again and...

I don't know.

Look, I made a terrible mistake.

But it's not me anymore, okay?

It's not me.

That's who I used to be

before I met you.

Before I tamed you, right.

The crazy guy. The Seabiscuit.

He meets a sweet, great,

down-to-earth girl

who just changes him into a better man.

Wait, baby, baby, wait.

You didn't change me.

I changed myself

because I fell in love with you.

I wanted to be a better person.

You made me so happy

that I wanted to change.

I'm sorry. I need you.

I can't be myself without you.

This is so beautiful.

That was breathtaking, to witness that.

Jon just ran down there and...

Laid it all on the line, you know,

and Lissy had some things to say.

They worked it out.

They're gonna be fine.

Everybody's gonna be happy.

I'm really happy and they're having sex.

I should probably leave them to the...

Lovemaking.

Yeah, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go.

Phil, where were you?

We're good.

They're having sex on the beach.

- Really?

- And it's gonna be hot

- 'cause I've taped it.

- Okay.

Phil, that's not appropriate.

Babe, not for the main cut, okay.

But maybe like an unrated,

kind of like, you know, version.

Well, I know another good scene

for the unrated version.

You should ask Cal about it.

Because you guys...

Cal!

Cal! Cal, Cal.

Tell me some stories. What's goin' on?

What happened? How was your night?

I've got no stories.

Bullroar.

Come on, lay it on me. You're Cal.

What I...

I heard there was some sex with Tam?

Phil, I don't wanna talk about it.

You okay?

Cal?

Did you get raped?

I tell you what. We get back to LA,

we can have another threesome.

And this time we can have

a really hot girl.

- Tammy, stop playing games.

- No, I swear to God.

That'd be nice.

- Hey, you two. Everything cool?

- We're okay.

- So?

- We're fine.

Don't do that anymore.

- Don't do that.

- Yeah.

Don't do... No fighting.

- Thank you.

- All right.

Did you just get laid?

Girl, yeah!

So, who actually did it? Who blew Jon?

Nobody knows. I mean...

Guess what happens in Nicaragua

stays in Nicaragua.

That's Las Vegas, though.

But we can't use that in the movie.

That's copyrighted.

Yes.

- Bye.

- Bye, I love you, man.

- Okay, guys, come on.

- I don't wanna say goodbye to you.

Bye!

That's a cut.

That's a...

- Wrap.

- It's a wrap.

- What's up, guys? Come on in.

- How are you, Phil?

- Okay, guys, I'm gonna be right back.

- All right.

Oh, my God.

Are these the "save the dates"?

These are amazing.

This is incredible.

We're doing it, guys.

Life is pretty good right now.

- That's not funny.

- I'm just sayin', dude.

- My tip misses your tip.

- Linc.

Guys, a week ago

I got a little package in the mail

from Nicaragua.

I think it's the BJ tape.

Oh, my God.

I haven't even watched it yet.

I was saving it for you guys.

I just made us some popcorn.

Daph's not here.

- Yes, do it!

- Let's do it.

Thank you.

And if you don't mind,

grabbing some reactions

while we watch it.

I think that'd be pretty.

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