Dude Page #2

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- I know, right?

I like his wizard glasses.

Yeah, I'd let him Harry Potter this.

You should hide Donkey Bong better.

Come on. We need him around.

His last days of high school, too.

So we'll pick up tree

then meet at my house, yeah?

- For sure.

- Okay. Bye.

Becks.

Beck.

Rebecca, come on.

Becks.

Give it to me now

I wanna li-li-li-lick you

From your head to your toes

And I wanna move from the bed

Down to the down to the to the floor

And I wanna ah-ah

You make it so good

I don't wanna leave

But I got to kn-kn-kn-know

What was your fantasy

I wanna li-li-li-lick you

From your head to your toes

Hello? Yeah, father.

Divorce meeting tomorrow, remember?

Why don't you call her?

Bye.

Are you f...

Hey, don't text and drive.

From Dad, "Your mother is a b*tch."

Is everything okay?

Do you ever feel like your parents only

see you as an extension of their own ego

and have no regard

for your personal happiness

as an autonomous human being?

Yes. And they just don't know how to

support you in the ways that you need,

and that makes you feel alienated,

and then you feel guilty

for feeling alienated,

and then you resent them

for making you feel guilty

for feeling alienated, but the truth is

they just don't have the capacity

to understand or care?

Yeah. Hold on.

What were you and Bemis talking about?

Ugh. So, I gave a great presentation

on Kant today,

and then found this in my locker.

"I KANT stand this KUNT."

That's actually pretty clever.

Well, f*** you, because Bemis

said that my unpacking

of the third formulation was enlightened.

Mmm. Are you sure he wasn't talking

about the unpacking of his cock?

That... Ten and two.

Jesus.

Who goes there? What up?

- What up?

- Okay, okay. I knew it was you.

Thank you for putting up

my draconian security protocol.

How y'all doing? Have a seat.

Uh, I laid out

a little sample sale here.

We got Pluto OG,

aka Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Next up we got one I call Kramer,

because it like pops in.

You know I'm saying?

And then we got Strawberry Cough

and Barack O'bubba Kush,

because I know you're political and sh*t.

- Ha!

- Get some Cough.

That was your bro's favorite, too.

Highs and lows?

I'll go first. Highs,

prom-planning, duh. Uhm, and lows,

hmm, only having two weeks left

of high school with you guys.

That was so sad, it sucks.

Becks' eye-f***ed Bemis

for, like, 30 full seconds.

Oh, yeah, I did, because Amelia,

in yoga, was pose banging Aaron Jakes'

like cat and cow.

How about this? You like that one?

You like this one?

How's my p*ssy looking downward dog?

Oh, look at that.

What's that one?

How's that back arch

for my vagina?

Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Aaron Jakes,

the, the sophomore

who wears that puka shell necklace?

- Have his balls even dropped yet?

- Yes.

Into your mouth?

A couple times. He could be fun for prom.

Have you guys given thought

to going to prom together?

Just girls?

Oh, I want a real prom date,

like with a penis.

I know. There will be plenty of guys

to satisfy us at After Prom.

Okay. Sorry, Slutty B. Anthony.

But this is about more than just

girl power and getting laid.

Ugh, fine, you guys are such girls.

You should invite Bemis to prom.

I might invite him

to the graduation party.

- Ooh.

- Hi, guys.

- Hi, Jill.

- Hi.

Jill, who did you take to prom?

Uhm, I went with, uh, Lily's dad.

So, look how well that turned out.

Just kidding.

- Little girls.

- Love you.

Not so little anymore.

Now they're just a bunch

of washed-up skanks.

- What the f***? Shut up.

- Whoa.

- Excuse me.

- They washed-up, they swag.

- They all washed-up.

- F*** you.

- It's over.

- Crap, I got to pick up your sister.

I need some perfume. You got any?

Mom, she, she knows that you smoke.

When you have kids,

you will know how important it is

to keep up appearances for your children,

and then slowly reveal all your flaws

when they're old enough to handle them.

Okay, bye.

- I love you girls so much.

- Love you.

Love you.

I can't wait to be a mother.

- Go away. Get out of here.

- So weird. Go away.

- How's everybody doing?

- Excited.

- Yeah?

- Yeah. Uhm,

Chloe hasn't heard from NYU yet,

so that's a bummer.

Yeah, but I mean, wasn't she feeling

really good about UCSB?

No. Us, going to school together,

near each other, that is part of the plan.

Okay, my little cruise director.

- It is.

- Okay.

- Sorry.

- Okay. Okay.

- What's this? What are you writing?

- Oh. No, that's, uh...

it's for Clo.

Tomorrow's Thomas' 19th birthday.

So, I just had some nice things planned.

Do you wanna talk about it?

I'm fine.

It's gonna be a tough day, for everybody.

You know,

he would have hated this shrine.

"Don't be such a sad sack, mom. Turn it

into a pool room or a sex dungeon."

Hmm.

It's not

how it's supposed to be.

I know.

But it's how it is, mom.

We, we could do something later, maybe.

Yeah. Yeah.

Top of the morning, Jerry.

You wanted to see me?

So, how you doing?

Great.

A little wound-up lately?

Uh, it's kind of my default.

Okay. So, I wanted to talk to you about

some prom stuff before Student Council.

I wanna talk to you about delegating.

- You suck at it.

- Don't do this to me, Jerry. Don't do it.

You know who...

- And just because it hasn't worked before,

doesn't mean it never will.

People can be there, if you let them. You have to share

this process, you have to share it with Student Council,

especially with Noah, because

it looks like he's gonna be the one

taking over next year.

Okay. A wise man once told me, "The world

begins when I'm born and ends when I die."

And I really feel that that applies

to my tenure here. So, let's just,

you know, let that one marinate

and then we can circle back.

That doesn't make any sense.

My buddy was in jail at San Quentin. He was jonesing for some blow.

Uh, those days I had a pretty good arm. So, I loaded up a tennis ball

with some grade A quality snow,

hurled it over the wall.

It worked out great.

Okay. Let's get started

with those drug presentations.

- PCP?

- I have to go to the bathroom.

- Uhm, can it wait?

- If you want a bloody beanbag.

Menstruation is a miracle. I'm jealous

that I can't experience it myself.

Take your time.

All right. Who's ready? Angel dust?

Hey, Clo, you still at Lil's?

I'm, uh, I'm gonna swing by

and get you girls in 30.

I love you.

I'll call you when I'm outside.

Hey, Clo, you still at Lil's?

I'm, uh, I'm gonna swing by

and get you girls in 30.

I love you.

I'll call you when I'm outside.

Hey, Clo, you still at Lil's?

I'm, uh, I'm gonna swing by

and get you girls in 30.

I love you.

I'll call you when I'm outside.

Clo. Clo.

- Hey.

- Hey. I took the liberty.

- Is class over?

- Yeah.

- Thank you.

- No problem.

It was a hard day.

Here.

To Thomas,

who showed us that

you can be smart,

athletic, kind, and...

f***ing high all at the same time.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

You want me to get Lil?

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