Dudley Do-Right Page #4

for Pete's sake.

Though snidely

was the bad guy, he did have

a certain something.

First you ran everyone

out of town.-

Then you took over

the town, and then--

yes, what else?

Gosh. I knew it this morning.

Come on, Einstein.

You can do it.

Then--

then you salted the streams

and mines with gold...

In order to create

a false gold rush,

and, because you own the town

and everything in it, you

stand to make a great fortune!

Ha!

Hop up, sweet cakes.

Carry on, boys.

Dudley, keep your voice down.

This is an exclusive club.

I don't care.

Would you like to play with us?

I'll give you a stroke a hole.

Not a chance!

Come on--

Hello.

Domo arigato.

Yes, carry on. Carry on.

Very good there.

Lovely to see you.

Yes, lovely ball.

Thank you very much.

Well, my dear friend and

worthy foe, once again I've

foolishly underestimated you.

That's right!

Then I'm right?

No! You're way off!

But what if a rumor

like that spread around?

It could destroy a community

like semi-happy valley, or

whatever you want to call it.

Wouldn't want that, would you?

We have to tell the truth,

snidely.

Yes, of course.

But before we do anything

rash, let's sit down and

discuss it like adults.

When?

Tonight,

9:
00 P.M. sharp?

Where?

Your place.

What's the dress?

Casual.

That doesn't leave me

much time to get ready.

Microwave some of those

little hot dog thingies.

All right.

Snidely didn't keep

his date with Dudley,

but homer did,

and he was thoughtful enough

to bring along a six-pack...

Of dynamite.

ooh, I'm a lucky man

ooh, I'm a lucky man

I'm a winner

either way I stand

homer!

You look somehow--

I don't know-- younger.

How did it go?

Everything's taken care of.

Your boy is in do-gooder heaven.

I couldn't even find his body.

Excellent!

Well, get out of that garish

outfit and find yourself

a black suit.

You are our new

funeral home director.

- Shane!

- Yes, Mr. whiplash?

Drinks on the house.

No, wait a second.

Yes, sir.

Drinks are 50% off.

No, wait a second.

Right.

Double the price

of everything!

Yes, sir.

While snidely celebrated

Dudley's demise,

Dudley was actually in ottawa

telling the authorities

about snidely's evil scheme.

What Dudley didn't know was

that snidely had friends

in high places...

What are you lookin' at?

As well as low.

Well, that is an amazing story

you tell, officer do-right.

Thank you.

I also know a story

about a hermit who kept a--

But let's say

you're wrong?

I mean,

wouldn't a rumor like that

destroy the suddenly

burgeoning economy

of your little town?

That's what snidely whiplash

said, but he didn't use

the word "burgeoning."

Well, this Mr. whiplash sounds

like a very community-minded

fellow to me.

Come on. Wake up.

He's the bad guy.

- Just look at the way

he dresses-- duh!

- But is he really?

I mean, here we have

millions of American dollars

pouring into an otherwise...

Impoverished section

of Canada.

I mean, strike me several

times with a blunt instrument,

but, that's not good?

But it's wrong!

And, as you can tell

from my name--

But isn't it sometimes

difficult to discern the line

between right and wrong?

- not for him.

He's a mountie.

For these guys, things are

either right or they're wrong.

Boom, boom, cut and dried.

Discern that, why don't you?

Gold! I found gold!

He found gold!

Right! We'll build

the hotel on this side,

and we'll put the condominiums

on that side so people can

walk right up to the river.

I love it, whip.

Yes, I thought you might.

I bet everyone loves it.

Yeah, well, I don't.

It does have some problems.

It's not perfect.

But it is perfect.

You know, boys, you're

the best gang I've ever had.

Thanks, whip.

Particularly you, um--

Homer.

Homer.

Gosh, I--

Morning, boys!

"Do-gooder heaven,"?

Back to the slaw-dogs stand

with you!

I know. I know.

- Hello?

- Nell?

- Dudley?

- Nell, have you seen

my office lately?

Well, not lately, Dudley.

Why? Have you

done something with it?

Well, no, but someone has.

Dudley, father's come back.

- I'm afraid he's got

some bad news.

- Where are you?

Dudley.

You know how bad

I am with directions.

Are you in a car?

Yes, but it's stopped.

Nell? Nell? Nell--

I think I'm gonna have

to call you back, Nell.

We've got a bad connection.

Inspector!

At ease, do-right.

Why, it does

this old heart of mine good

to see you again, sir.

You're my hero, sir.

You're my role model!

Dudley, you're finished

as a mountie.

Get your horse

and clear out of here.

Horse ran away.

Dear.

I'm so sorry

to hear that.

Nell?

I can't watch.

I just can't watch.

Your father's joshing me

about being drummed out

of the service.

It's very funny.

I'm not joshing you

even the tiniest bit.

The highest level

of the Canadian government...

Has called me

out of retirement

to replace you here.

I know

what this is about.

I was supposed to have a

meeting with snidely whiplash,

but I completely forgot

about it.

I went to ottawa instead--

And then ottawa called on me.

Now, give me your uniform

and your sidearm, and leave.

My uniform, sir?

I'm sorry, Dudley.

This is a very sad moment.

Yes, inspector,

it certainly is.

He had lost his uniform.

He had lost his horse.

Dudley's dreams

were shattered.

Hello. Remember me?

I was on Regis and kathie Lee.

Yeah, I was, honestly.

Last week. Only last week.

It was very good.

I was on

Regis and kathie Lee.

Hello. I know

Bette midler personally.

Hi! It's me!

I was on Regis and kathie Lee

last week.

Hey! I know you.

You're Dudley do-right of the

royal Canadian mounted police.

I never forget a face,

although a name

sometimes escapes me.

Sir, I lost my job today.

My horse ran away,

and I'd really like

to be alone right now,

if you don't mind.

No chance, pal.

I am your new best friend.

I don't have any friends.

Hey, you got me, pal.

I don't even have a home.

Wait till ya see my place!

Meanwhile, whiplash had begun

his evil campaign...

To win the affections

of the fair Nell fenwick

and to impress her father.

Let us hope they can

see right through

this scheming cad!

Sorry.

May I recommend

the salt COD bouillabaisse...

Followed by the buckwheat

crepes with tangerine

reduction.

Um, okay. Father?

Sounds delectable.

But for me,

hold the fennel seed.

- Very wise choice,

inspector. Very wise.

- Thank you.

You drank too much last night.

Did I?

I feel pretty good.

Yeah.

You know, the line

between right and wrong...

Is oftentimes

difficult to discern.

Yeah. I was just

thinking that myself.

Snidely whiplash has brought

prosperity to semi-happy

valley.

He's turned

this nowhere town around.

- Of course, he ran off

all the old residents.

- It's all about greed.

You're right!

That's it!

It is greed!

That's all it is.

It's just greed!

Dudley, please don't make

any sudden moves around me

this morning, all right?

Here's what I don't

What happens when

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