Dumb and Dumber To Page #6

was more than just a handyman to us.

He was

family.

Really?

Do you suck the toe jam

off Mommy and Daddy, too?

Um, I beg your pardon?

My brother told me everything.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Look, lady, I know you're

terminating your husband.

I'm the one who supplied

you with the untraceables.

Remember? I also know

that my brother was supposed

to eliminate those two idiots,

but somehow they turned

the tables on him.

Relax.

I'm not here to turn you in.

I'm here to help you out.

So how are those things working?

Not bad. I can hear you a little.

Here, let me turn them up.

Honey, would you like some pancakes?

Yeah, I'd love some pancakes.

What?

Stop yelling! I'm not yelling.

Why would you say I'm yelling?

This is yelling!

Harry!

I think I might have

turned them up too high!

Oh, look! Barbara Hershey Highway.

Wait a minute.

I think I know where we are.

Follow me.

Are you sure about this, Lloyd?

Positive. The kid worked at the

hockey rink just past the museum.

Come on, Harry!

He drove a Zamboni!

Oh, my God. I never

thought I'd see her again.

I don't know if I told you this, Har,

but that kid kinda porked me when

I traded him for the mini bike.

And he only gave me

a quarter-tank of gas.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Yeah!

Bush club!

Bush club! Bush club! Bush club!

I feel really good, Har.

Me, too!

Really good!

You might want to step on it, Har!

Wow, look at all the brains.

They're blinding me with science!

Okay, Lloyd. I'm gonna find

out what time this thing starts.

You keep an eye out for Penny.

Roger that.

Ladies and gentlemen,

this is an AMBER Alert.

Has anybody seen this

lovely, delicate angel?

Have you seen her? Lovely and delicate.

This girl is slammin'.

Oh, yeah, sure, I know her.

I got a hit.

It's, uh, Penny Pinchelow.

I met her at the bar yesterday.

What's that supposed to mean?

Whoa! Easy, hoser!

We just hung out a little.

Oh.

Do you happen to know

where she is right now?

Yeah, my, uh, friends just went

to meet her at her hotel room.

They're walking her over here.

She's giving a speech tonight.

When you see her,

tell her that Lloyd and

her dad are looking for her.

And get her to call me on this.

There you are!

I've been looking all over for you.

Cool!

I just ran into a Mexican

guy who knows Penny.

He said she's on her way!

Come on, let's get in line.

Dressed like this?

Harry, people who come

to these things are smart.

We can't go in there looking

like a couple of goofballs.

Oh, yeah. Let's go buy some smart stuff.

How's your day?

Living the dream.

Ooh, that mac and cheese looks good!

Um, I think I'm gonna

need some chopsticks

or a really, really skinny fork.

You got it.

It's open!

Hey, Penny!

Hey, Tom! Hey, Gus!

Hey, uh, Penny. Um...

What are you doing in your undies

in front of the room

service guy here, eh?

You don't know him.

Oh, no. Someone told me this great

trick about how not to get nervous

when you're giving a speech.

All you do is imagine that

you're in your underwear.

So I've been practicing all afternoon.

Will there be anything else, ma'am?

Oh, no. Just that skinny fork.

Right.

Okay. Burning daylight.

Yeah. Oh! Great news. Your dad

showed up for the conference.

What? Yeah, Gordy just called us.

He ran into some guy named

Lloyd who was with your father.

They were looking for them out

front of the convention hall.

Oh, my goodness.

Are you absolutely certain?

And there's no way you're mistaken?

All right, um, yes,

then I'll have someone

meet him at the door in a hurry.

Yes, okay. Goodbye.

What is it?

Dr. Pinchelow is coming.

What? Are you certain?

I thought he was sick!

Apparently he's better.

I just spoke with his

daughter, Penny, on the phone

and she's headed right

over here to meet him.

Oh, the man didn't even show

up for his Nobel ceremony.

He showed up for us. Go find him.

Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm on it.

Lloyd, look!

Penny is speaking soon.

That's so hot.

Is it done? No.

Some Canadian douchebags barged

in before I could finish her.

Okay.

You follow Penny, and the

next chance you get, kill her.

I'll take out the guys, get the box.

What if they have already

gone into the KEN conference?

Not a chance.

The event's been sold out for over

a year, and the security is insane.

Tickets, please.

No, thank you.

We're not much for boring speeches.

We just have to make sure that

his daughter gets this box.

No tickie, no entry. No exceptions.

BARBARA'. Have you

found Dr. Pinchelow yet?

No. I don't even know

what he looks like.

This is ridiculous.

How am I supposed to find

the man in this throng

when all I know about him is

that he wears hearing aids?

Great. It's sold out. I'm dead.

So much for higher education.

Relax, Har.

We're gonna find her. Don't get

that dying kidney all worked up.

Oh, it's not the kidney.

I think I gotta pinch a loaf.

Pinchelow? Did someone say Pinchelow?

Oh, my goodness, it is you!

You're really here! I'm Dr. Meldmann.

How was your trip from Maryland?

Not so great.

Somebody stole our car and

he finger-bombed an old lady.

Sounds terrible.

We'll take really good care

of you know that you're here.

Uh, would you like to go into the foyer

for the cocktail

reception, Dr. Pinchelow?

Oh. Yes, Dr. Pinchelow would love to go

to the foyer for the cocktail reception.

Yeah, cool. Let's get ripped.

Uh, this way, please.

I'm sorry, your name is?

I'm his associate, Dr. Christmas.

Ah, Christmas like the holiday?

No. Like the tree.

May I ask you a question, Doctor,

and I don't mean to be insensitive,

but, uh, does Dr.

Pinchelow have Asperger's?

Probably.

I know he doesn't wipe real well.

Why don't you gentlemen

make yourselves at home.

I'm gonna go fetch the, uh,

director of the conference,

Dr. Barbara Walcott.

She can't wait to meet you.

Dr. Barbara? A lady doctor? Seriously?

Lady doctor, that always cracks me up.

Yeah, doctor of doing

the laundry, maybe.

Am I right?

I'll be right back.

What were you thinking, Lloyd?

Now he thinks we're doctors.

At least we're in the door.

Now all we gotta do is act

intelligent. We'll fit right in.

Okay.

Hi, barkeep.

How much for a beer? It's gratis.

Ooh.

That sounds expensive.

Can you give us a moment?

Lloyd, we blew our money

on the graduation robes.

Maybe we shouldn't drink.

No way. I need booze, man.

If I meet your daughter

without a buzz on,

she'll think I'm an idiot.

Hey, wait a minute!

What about the old Stinkeroo?

Yeah, I'm in.

Excuse me, ma'am. Yes?

This beer smells funky.

Can I have a new one, please?

What do you mean "funky"?

Go ahead, take a sniff.

Ew!

I'll get you a freshie.

Mine is stinky, too.

Yours smells even worse!

I'll be right back.

"Yours smells even worse. "

Thanks!

You're really good at that, Lloyd.

I learned from the best.

Thanks, Mom.

I can't wait to see what's in this.

Yeah. Hey, Har? Mmm?

Do you know how long you have to wait

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