Dumb and Dumber To Page #7

after kidney surgery to have sex?

I don't think I'll

have to wait too long.

No, not you. I meant the donor chick.

What are you talking about? Okay! Fine!

Let's just drop it!

Here you go, doctors.

Fresh beers.

And I also brought you some

hydroponically grown goji berries

with vegan barbecue sauce

and some organic pumpkin chips. Enjoy.

Why, thank you! Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

These are salty. Mmm-hmm.

Try these.

Mmm.

Yours are super tangy.

I like it a lot.

Gentlemen.

I'd like you to meet the

director of the conference,

Dr. Barbara Walcott.

And, Barbara, this is Dr. Pinchelow

and his associate, Dr. Christmas.

Wonderful. It is a high

honor to meet you both.

Wow. Great accent, doc. Where you from?

England. Surrey.

Oh, no need to apologize.

That was years ago.

We kicked your butt anyway,

so we're cool with it.

Oh, you're a leg-puller!

Let's get you both to your seats.

Professor Garabedian's

KEN talk is about to begin.

Now, the existence of dark

matter is largely inferred

from the gravitational

effect on visible matter

and the gravitational lensing

of background radiation.

We saved two seats for you

at the end of the second row.

Just there.

...because they were trying to

figure out the discrepancies...

You could actually go in the front.

Coming through. My bad!

Here we go. Oops!

Wow. Is that silk?

That sucks!

That's good. Sorry.

Watch my knee.

We make a better door

than a window, don't we?

I hope this isn't your favorite part.

There are a couple of hotties over here.

'Got m om

That was easy!

That Dr. Pinchelow is certainly

a fascinating character.

Of course he is. He's a genius.

Indeed, the Large Hadron

Collider has already shown us

that dark matter is likely...

Especially when you eat prunes!

Yes.

That dark matter is likely...

...the missing piece of the puzzle

that physicists have been

searching for, for years.

Nerd!

Nerd! Nerd! Nerd!

Nerd! Nerd! Nerd!

Excuse me, gentlemen.

Holy crap!

Did that come from you?

Dr. Garabedian is a

world-renowned astrophysicist

and many of us are interested

in hearing his findings.

I'm reading his mind. Mmm-hmm.

I'm picking it up, too.

Who is that?

It's Dr. Pinchelow!

Bernard Pinchelow?

Dark matter is not a joke.

Your antics are proving

to be disruptive.

Thank you, Dr. Dilbeck,

but Dr. Pinchelow is right.

My dark matter data was insufficient.

What the f***?

My methods were sloppy.

I'm a hack.

I'm really sorry.

See?

Eat me. Suck it!

You wish. Lloyd. Lloyd.

Thank you, Professor Garabedian.

That's what the KEN

Conference is all about.

Truth.

But I will ask that

everyone please behave

in a professional and dignified...

Show us your tits!

Both Of them! Yeah!

We're just gonna take a short

two-minute break. Thank you!

Man.

Hey, this is great!

We're learning so

much about dark matter.

Yes, indeed.

Uh, I'm sorry, Dr. Pinchelow,

but we can't seem to find

Dr. Christmas on the roster.

Oh, that's okay. He's with me.

Due to security concerns everyone

must be on the list to get in.

It's all right, Doctor.

I think I know a

shakedown when I see one.

I'll tell you what.

I'm gonna write an IOU and

I'm gonna leave it blank.

Anybody have a pen?

There are no exceptions.

Really?

I'll tell you what, warden.

If I'm leaving,

then my steamed colleague

is leaving with me.

No, he's not.

Quick conference.

What are you doing, Har?

You're killing me! Lloyd, I can't leave.

Penny is gonna be speaking

soon. I wanna meet her!

What?

How come you get to

meet her before I do?

Lloyd, this is about me.

Me, my daughter and my kidney.

That's why we're here, remember?

How can I forget? It's

all you ever talk about.

Penny and my kidney.

My kidney and Penny.

To tell you the truth, I'm

getting a little sick of it.

Wait a minute.

I know what you're up to, mister.

You wanna stay because

you're hot for my daughter!

What? Am I right?

That's insane!

Don't deny it, Lloyd!

You have been drooling over her

ever since you first saw her picture.

So what?

I'm not gonna apologize for

letting nature take its course, Har.

I hate to burst your butthole, mister.

It ain't gonna happen.

It's my job to protect my daughter.

Protect her?

Look who's talking!

You're trying to swindle

her out of a kidney!

At least I'm gonna marry her.

Marry her? No.

You're not gonna marry. Why not?

No! Lloyd, you are not

going to marry my daughter.

Why? Because she's a tick

younger than me? Get over it.

Age is just a letter, man.

It's got nothing to do

with age! It's got to do...

With what?

I'm her father, Lloyd,

and, frankly,

I think she can do better.

Oh...

Okay.

Time to go, Doctor. All right, buddy.

Harry? Let's go.

Harry?

Harry?

Dr. Walcott just had a wonderful idea.

How would you like to come with us

and judge the Young

Inventors competition?

Yeah, cool. Let's judge sh*t.

Hey! Hey!

So this is what rock bottom feels like.

Mmm, not that bad.

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Hello?

Penny?

I can't hear you, you're breaking up.

Penny?

Penny! How's this?

Just hang on. Don't go anywhere.

Can you hear me now?

Yes, I can hear you now.

Good! I can hear you loud and clear.

This is Lloyd, your dad's good buddy.

Unfortunately, I don't

have him at the moment,

but, uh, he wanted me to ask you

to find a nice, romantic place

where we can all meet.

No, by "romantic" I meant convenient.

And it has to be some place

outside the convention center.

The fountain? On Main

Street? In 10 minutes?

Perfect!

Yes!

It's marvelous to meet

you, Mrs. Pinchelow.

I trust you had a safe journey in?

It was lovely.

Great. We have a seat saved

for you in the front row.

We're just about to introduce

your charming husband.

My husband?

So let's give a warm, KEN welcome

to our very distinguished judge,

Dr. Bernard Pinchelow.

Hi!

Hello!

How about a hug?

Sure!

Oh!

I love hellos.

Oh, me, too.

Wow!

You're really sweet, mister,

but I'm waiting for my dad and

his friend, so if you'll excuse me.

No, it's me, Lloyd!

Hi, Lloyd, I'm Penny.

On! Lloyd! Hi!

It's so nice to meet you!

Um, where's my dad?

Uh, he was delayed, so,

uh, he asked me to come by

and entertain you...

...until he can meet up with us.

I think he wanted us to

have a chance to bond.

James Bond.

Great!

Are you hungry? Can I

get you something to eat?

Sure!

Awesome!

Wow!

We can go somewhere nice.

Sounds yummy!

Here, try this.

This is incredible popcorn.

And I know popcorn. I'm the

second-best popcorn maker I know.

All right, I'll take the

bait. Who's the third-best?

I know, right? I've

always wondered that!

Shrub club!

Sorry!

It's just this game that I

play with my friends back home.

I love you!

What?

Um...

That's a direct quote, from your dad.

"I love you. "

His words.

Hey, wait a second.

How do I even know that you know my dad?

You could be one of those foreign

guys who always calls me up

and makes me get undressed

in front of the computer

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