Dumb and Dumber To Page #8

because he lost his passports and money.

No, no, that's not me.

Look, I can prove it.

I have your cell phone.

Oh, my gosh! No wonder

no one's been calling me!

Oh.

I, uh, plugged my number in there

in case you need me late at night.

Oh, and we brought your box. You left

it at the house, you stupid idiot.

Hey, you wanna see something neat?

Okay!

Wait, are you sure that it's okay

for birds to be eating Pop Rocks?

I mean, you'd think it

would be bad for their teeth.

Nah! That's just a suburban legend.

On.

Sh*t!

Spontaneous combustion,

however, totally real.

Oh.

What? ADELE:
You gotta

get back here right now.

One of those idiots is in the building

and he's pretending to be my husband!

Why don't you tell them

he's not your husband?

Because I don't even

know what they're up to.

He must be trying to sell the box.

Just get back here!

This microscopic robot, or nanobot

can be injected into the human body

to detect and cure cancer.

Interesting.

Can it sing?

Uh...

What?

They got a large-mouth bass now

that you hang it on the wall.

When you walk past it, it

sings Take Me to the River.

Are you saying... What I'm saying is,

you're this close,

but there's a drawing board

you should be getting back to.

Next!

But it cures cancer.

Ni hao.

Listen to this.

"You will do important

things in the world. "

That's so weird

because I actually want to do

important things in the world.

Wow. That's neat.

Someday, I wanna do

important things, too.

Oh, yeah? Like what?

I'm thinking about getting new speakers.

On.

I've always wanted to go to India

and volunteer at one of

those leprechaun colonies.

I think you mean Ireland.

Oh.

So what does your cookie say?

"You will have an amazing romance

"with the person sitted

across from you. "

It's a good thing I'm not your uncle.

"And don't be concerned

about the age difference.

"Just shut up and make out.

"It will all sort itself

out later. You'll see!"

That's ridiculously

specific. Let me see that.

If you don't eat it,

it doesn't come true.

Hey, where's my dad?

Do you know if Adele came with him?

She's probably the one slowing him down.

Adele?

His wife.

Harry doesn't have a wife.

Who's Harry?

Your father.

My father's name's not Harry.

It's Bernard.

Oh, yeah, but I'm talking

about your real dad.

Harry Dunne!

The guy who abandoned you when

you were a little, tiny baby.

You're gonna love him!

Wait a second.

So you're saying we're

supposed to be meeting

my biographical father?

Yes.

Here.

This is a letter from your real mother,

Fraida, that you sent back to her.

Nice.

"Do not contact again. "

This isn't my handwriting.

I don't even know cursive.

"Dear daughter, I gave you

up for adoption 18 years ago

"because I thought it

was the right thing to do.

"I hope and pray I made

the correct decision.

"You were conceived in Rhode

Island on a chilly autumn night

"in the parking lot

at Oyster Swallow Cove.

"We were young and

stupid, especially him. "

Oyster Swallow Cove?

Are you ready, baby?

Mmm-hmm.

Whoa! Whoa!

Slow down.

Let's be responsible here.

I brought some protection.

Let's do this.

"So, if you ever wanna get in

touch, I would love to meet you.

"All my love, Fraida

Felcher, your mom. "

That means I'm your...

And we almost...

Lloyd? Are you okay?

I'm sorry, Lloyd, but I gotta

get back to the convention.

I'm supposed to be giving a big

speech for my dad any minute.

But, wait. We have

so much to talk about.

It's an emergency!

It's all a big

misunderstanding! I've gotta go!

Not dressed like that, you're not!

You're grounded!

Wait a minute.

If she's my kid,

then she's not Harry's kid,

and he can't take her kidneys.

What have I done?

Hi, I need to get in.

Credentials, please?

Oh, I'm giving a speech.

Credentials, please.

What is that?

Is it that thingy that

they gave me to get in here?

I think I've got it here, somewhere.

Mister, lam appealing to

your sense of God and family.

I got a message that my daughter,

who I have not seen in 22 years,

is in there.

The event will be letting out soon.

After 22 years, what's

another couple of hours, right?

Okay, buddy.

There's got to be a, uh,

broom closet around here somewhere, huh?

I'm sure we could work something out.

I didn't take 34 years

to come out of the closet

just to go back into one

with you.

Okay, this device will give us a visual

rendering of your cognitive processes.

Could you repeat the question?

This device will show

us what he's thinking

right on this screen.

Yeah, really.

Go ahead, Dr. Pinchelow.

Think of a pleasant

memory from your childhood.

okay-

Oh!

YOUNG HARRY'. Here, Biscuit!

Biscuit, come here, boy.

The door, buddy. Get the door.

Oh, okay.

No! This gadget is way off!

First of all, my bedspread was orange.

Are you okay, honey?

No, not really.

Boyfriend trouble?

No. I need a ticket to get in

and I lost the ticket that they

need to take, plus, I lost my pass.

And I thought that I grabbed it,

but when I looked in my purse,

all I saw was the

toothbrush. So maybe I took...

Okay, okay, okay-

All right.

What's going on?

My father's supposed to

be getting a huge reward,

and I'm supposed to

be making the speech,

and the speech is supposed

to start right now,

and there's no way they'll

let me in without a ticket.

Oh, honey.

There is always a way.

I admit, it's thought-provoking.

An invention that ends world hunger.

But, have you considered this,

where does all the extra poop go?

What? No.

The point is that

there's no more hunger.

Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.

We're gonna take a very brief break.

Uh, please stay in your seats

and we will resume, uh, shortly.

Why?

We're gonna have to take a walk.

Come on. I'm judging.

You're out of here. Okay!

You're out.

Mrs. P,

what are you doing here?

Do you always call your wife Mrs. P?

Oh, uh...

How you doing, sugar tits? I missed you.

This man is a fraud.

And that box belongs to my husband.

He stole it from us.

Hand it over, buddy.

Uh-uh. I swore I'd only

give this box to Penny.

Give me the box! Here you go.

What's happening? I have no idea.

Hey!

Hey, hey! Get back here!

Out of my way!

Thanks a lot, lady!

It's the least I could do.

There's something I need to tell you.

You're my...

Okay. The reason I'm here is...

Fraida!

Harry?

You made it! Oh!

Oh, and you found Penny.

Hey, how do you know my...

Oh! You're Harry?

Yes! And I'm your mother!

He's got a gun!

Why you standing in the toilet?

So you wouldn't see my feet.

Why not just stand on the rim?

There's ball hairs all over that thing.

I'm not stupid.

Get out of there! Move it!

Now!

Please don't hurt Penny, Mrs. P.

She's young and still has most

of her future ahead of her.

Get the box.

Harry! There you are!

Good thing you're loud.

What are you doing, Mrs. P?

I'm about to kill you.

Wait, wait, wait!

Can't you kill someone else?

My daughter, Penny, needs me now.

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