Dunston Checks In Page #4

Ahem.

(cell phone rings)

Mm-hm.

Okey-doke.

All these monkeys... are criminals?

Well...

that kind of looks like him.

"Pongo pygmaeus".

You've got an orangutan problem, Mr. Grant.

Where did he come from?

Well, ma'am,

when two orangutans fall in love...

I think she means

how did he get in the hotel?

Oh.

My guess...

the sewers.

I beg your pardon?

Hypothetical situation.

It's Easter.

You think it might be cute to put

a baby orangutan in your kid's basket.

Well, at first it is cute.

Then it gets bigger.

The kids lose interest.

And then one night...

you flush it down the toilet.

That's ridiculous!

You ever been in the sewers of this city,

Mr. Grant?

Well, I have!

I could tell you stories...

I saw a turtle one time...

looked like a Volkswagen with a tail.

It was 1967.

Summer of Love.

I haven't felt comfortable

sitting on the john since.

Since... 1967?

Now, if he's contained...

it should be easy.

Dad!

No!

- Dad, what's going on?

- Not now, son.

Excuse... Arh!

Dad, why does he have a gun?

I'll tell you later.

Hey...

Sorry I didn't believe you.

Now take off, OK?

This tranquilizer dart'll

knock a human out for 18 hours.

And its effect on an orangutan?

Kill him, most likely.

I don't want anyone to say

that this monkey made a monkey out of us.

Don't move unless I say so.

If you see the monkey, yell out loudly.

- "You" stay right here...

- Murray! Murray, quick!

He got out! He's in the kitchen!

You better get there fast.

Dad's pretty mad!

- Let's go!

- Let's go. Move. Move!

Dunston?

Dunston, it's me!

Dunston!

Where have you been?

- Did you get lost?

- "(door opens)"

Shh. Be quiet, OK?

"Pongo pygmaeus".

(kissing sounds)

Get off.

(blows raspberries)

(kissing sounds)

Go on, get off.

All right.

Don't get off.

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

(gunshot)

- Let's try the Plaza.

- "(slurring)" Ab-absolutely.

Are you crazy?!

- Did you get him?

- No. I did not.

We're dealing

with a very smart animal here.

- He's a psycho.

- But I "like" obsessive people.

They get things done!

He's still here!

I can feel it.

Dunston!

Dunston, do you hear? It's me.

Dunston.

He's incredible, Kyle.

He's absolutely incredible.

Whoa.

Let's take a look.

It's a piece of glass.

(shrieks)

If I'm gonna do this,

you'll have to hold him.

- He's scared.

- Well, do what Dad does.

Sing to him.

OK.

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

You look like a monkey

And you act like one too

(whimpers)

Dunston, I know it hurts,

but it's for your own good.

It's like when you get a shot, or broccoli.

It's better if you don't look at it.

Look at me, Dunston.

Look at me.

It's gonna be OK.

Got it.

We got it, Dunston.

Isn't he cool?

Sure, he's cool, Kyle,

but what are we gonna do with him?

He can stay in my room.

Come on. Dad might be a little preoccupied,

but I think he'll notice

an orangutan in your room.

Wait a minute. We have lots of rooms.

OK, name?

- "Lam Binh Ngoc."

- What?

L-a-m...

B-i-n-h...

N-g-o-c.

Got it. Lam Binh Ngoc.

Dr. Lam Binh Ngoc.

The Hotel thinks you're a doctor,

you can get away with anything.

Let's go, Dr. Ngoc.

Whoa.

- Cool.

- Impressive.

The Royal Suite.

How do you like it, Dunston?

Uh-oh.

Whoa!

(burps)

Damn!

You've ruined my retirement fund.

Treacherous little hairball.

Lord Rutledge.

How was your meal?

Well, from the look of the soup,

my guess is that someone in your kitchen

has a serious hair-loss problem.

Other than that,

it was absolutely delightful.

Good night.

Well? How was his meal?

I believe he used the words

"absolutely delightful."

I hope so. You know, especially after

that little incident with your son today.

Oh, Mrs. Dubrow, that was totally...

Robert, I like children. I really do.

But let me just ask you this.

Do you think there's a way we can keep

your boys locked in their rooms?

You know, just till the Crystal Ball

is over?

We could make a game out of it.

We could call it "quarantine."

Mrs. Dubrow, I can assure you

that there will be no further incidents.

As of this moment,

they are both on their best behavior.

Whoo! Yeah! What a catch!

Incoming! Whoo-hoo!

I'd like to order two banana splits,

extra bananas on each, and a Caesar salad

with extra bananas as well.

Roll! Roll! Roll! Roll! Roll! Roll!

- Roll! Roll! Roll!

- Strike!

- Yeah!

- All right!

You heard me. More bananas.

That's right. Bananas.

Mmm...

Hey, come on and have a ball

"He's doin' too much thievin'"...

Whoa!

Got it!

Whoo-hoo!

Well, Dunston,

Frisbee may not be your game.

Don't worry.

That Rutledge guy will never find you here.

Come on, Kyle. We'd better go.

I'm coming.

Good night, Dunston.

- Thanks, Brian.

- For what?

Helping.

Hey, what the hell? I'm grounded.

I gotta do something.

Boy, if Dad ever finds out that we checked

Dunston into the hotel,

we'd be in big trouble.

Well, I wouldn't worry about that

if I were you.

For the next 24 hours,

Dad's gonna have his hands full.

Terrible.

(groaning)

Absolutely.

No.

In about half an hour.

Excellent.

Bravo.

Majestic...

Hotel.

Room service.

Word search:
banana.

One banana.

Two bananas.

Well, Dr. Ngoc,

either you've got a potassium deficiency

or I think we might be in business.

There it is.

It's just a zoo. It's not great.

But at least they'll be nice to you,

and you won't have to steal or anything.

You see, everyone will be at that stupid

ball, so I can sneak you out the back.

- "(knock at door)"

- That's Brian.

Dr. Ngoc, I presume.

Robert, gorgeous.

We have done... a spectacular job.

(speaks French)

Hey.

Hi.

Hello. How are you doin'?

Hi. How ya doin'?

He brought a dog.

Would you do me a favor?

Could you lose the dog?

Say goodbye to your friend.

He just became an even more

endangered species.

(muffled yells)

Time to check out. Get in that trunk.

Oh, so now you're ready

to go to work, are you?

Well, forget it. Get in the trunk.

Oh, so now we're feeling repentant.

(whimpers)

Go on, then. Give Daddy a big hug.

Look on the bright side.

You'll be joining your brother very soon.

Argh! Argh!

"(muffled)" Dunston, help me.

Help me, Dunston. Get it off.

Ow.

Lord Rutledge! The ball is this way.

- No, but I...

- No, no. No buts.

You are my special guest this evening.

Really?

- Mrs. Dubrow, I'm Lionel Spalding.

- Of course you are.

Lord Rutledge, I'm Elena Dubrow.

I own this hotel.

This is the social event of the season.

You wouldn't want to miss it.

Do come in. Look.

Hello. How are you?

Come on, Dunston.

I know a great way out of here.

Come on.

Oh, I don't believe I know your name.

Buck La Farge, animal security.

How's it hangin'?

- Oh, well...

- Hm. "Mustela erminea".

Member of the weasel family.

Oh!

Champagne?

- Is it free?

- Yes.

Dog... Dog, we're gonna sit here.

Sit.

(barks)

Yaarh!

Heel, dog! Please heel!

Oh, no.

Lord Rutledge!

See?

(speaks German)

Brian, we got a big problem.

Kyle, I'm a little busy here.

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