Eagle vs Shark Page #2

It's cool.

You're pretty beautiful.

Same.

Oh, I mean, you are too...

sort of, more handsome.

- Do you wanna kiss?

- Yep.

On the lips, though.

Yep.

Okay.

- Do you wanna have a lie-down on my bed?

- Yep.

Okay.

Do you wanna have sex?

Yep.

Sorry.

- Hello?

- Hello, is Eric there, please?

- Who's speaking?

- The Police.

Okay.

Hello?

You're f***in' dead,

you f***in' Samoan... f***.

Ah, who is this? Stop...

Oh, hi.

What are you doing here?

Um, I just had a sandwich and I was,

you know, nearby.

That was some pretty good sex

last night.

Okay, well.

I'm going back to work.

Okay, bye.

- See ya.

- See ya.

- Ah, what are you up to tonight?

- I don't know.

I might go to a movie.

You can come if you want.

It's the new Wolverine movie.

It's got Hugh Jackman in it.

Apparently I look like him.

Gets pretty tiresome.

"Hey Jarrod,

you look like Wolverine."

Sometimes I wish I did have knives

that came out of my fists.

Anyway, it's 7:
30 at Cine-saurus Rex.

If you want to come...

- You can come, I don't care.

- Yep.

Do you?

Okay. Okay. See ya.

See ya.

- Jarrod?

- Yeah?

- Eagle, eh?

- What?

Your favorite animal? Eagle?

Yeah, or cobra.

But, yeah,

pretty much eagle rules.

- Okay. See ya.

- See ya.

- Hey.

- Hi.

Yeah, so I didn't end up going

to that movie. Did you?

Yep, oh, no.

I knew it.

How did you find out where I live?

I got my flatmate

to ring up your work.

Tell them it was an emergency.

You probably shouldn't go in there.

They think you're dead.

Yeah. I had to be alone.

I got depressed about something.

I suffer from depression.

Fifty.

Break.

Yeah,

that makes me pretty intense.

I just do stuff without thinking.

What's wrong?

I need to go home.

To my hometown.

Oh, that sounds cool.

No. It's not cool.

It's necessary.

Why?

Because of my mission.

It's time to put my training

into use.

What do you have to do?

Kill a man...

probably.

- Who?

- Eric Elisi.

He's Samoan.

Why? What did he do?

Nearly ruined my life,

that's all.

He's my high school Nemesis.

He's been living in Samoa,

but I just heard from my contact...

that he's gonna be coming home

soon.

When he gets back...

guess who's gonna be forming

the welcoming party?

- You?

- You got it, girl.

What exactly

are you gonna do to him?

I'm gonna kick his Samoan arse,

that's what.

It's time to pay the piper.

He's gonna reap what he sowed

and it sure ain't corn...

or wheat.

When are you going?

That's the f***in' point.

I can't leave!

Sorry.

I told you, I just snap sometimes.

It's my depression.

Sorry.

- Why can't you leave?

- Because I don't have any wheels.

How the hell am I gonna get there

if I got no wheels?

- On a bus?

- I'm not gonna take a damn bus.

It'll take ages. I'll get there in,

like, two weeks or something.

- Why don't you hire a car?

- Okay. Sure.

Have you got, like,

a million dollars for me?

- What about Damon?

- Who?

My brother.

Oh, yeah, sorry.

He's got a car.

He's got a Ford Laser.

Shall I ask him?

Yeah.

Damon, would it be alright

if we borrowed your car...

to take Jarrod to his hometown?

Yes.

He said yes.

I heard.

Thanks, man.

You're cool.

Horse.

Damn.

I've got fourteen now,

you've only got eight.

You're too good.

How many have you got,

Jarrod?

None.

- Horse.

- Damn.

Look, I don't even get it.

Just whenever you see a horse,

you say "horse".

And whoever in the end has

the most horses wins all the horses.

Well, no. Not so much really,

just like pretend.

Yeah well,

it's not even a real game.

I don't really want to play

this game anymore, Damon. It's dumb.

Hey, so.

What did the Samoan guy

do to you?

Damon,

that actually might be personal.

It's cool.

Him and some other guys from school

used to gang up on me.

I used to be a bit of a nerd.

Would've been okay one on one.

Even one on two...

me against two of them.

But, I'd usually have to fight, like...

eight of them.

That's awful.

Sometimes my brother would help out

and then we'd kick some serious ass.

But usually they'd find me

when I was alone...

and I'm like, " Oh okay,

now I have to fight eight of you.

Come on then, bring it on."

Anyway...

I don't really want to talk

about it.

Jarrod...

Get out of the car.

I need your clothes

and your boots and your motorcycle.

- Know who that is?

- Arnie.

- It's Arnie.

- He sounds just like him.

Hey, I bought some apples

for you guys.

Thanks.

I'll have one later.

Oh, yuk.

This is rotten.

Thanks very much

for trying to kill me, Damon.

So are you gonna introduce us?

- This is Nancy, my sister.

- Hi.

- This is Doug, her husband.

- Hi.

Ah, this is Dad. He's my Dad.

- This is my friend, Damon.

- Hello.

And this is Lily.

Lily's like, the best female

Fight Man player I have ever seen.

- And she's a dancer.

- Cool.

No, I'm not.

I thought you said that once.

I like your jackets and your pants.

Thanks. This is

our own label, "Awesome Apparel".

- It didn't really take off.

- Which actually makes these quite rare.

- Really?

- You wouldn't find these in any shops.

We've actually got some surplus stock

if you guys are keen... to buy anything.

Oh, yeah.

- Are you keen?

- I am.

Yeah?

Dad.

I made you this.

Thanks, Jarrod.

So where are you guys going to sleep?

There's no room in the house.

- Oh, what about my room?

- Our surplus stock's in there.

- What about Gordon's room?

- Dad's in there.

- Well, who's in his room?

- Us.

- Who's in your room?

- Zane.

Yeah, Vinny's in here.

It's not fair.

Where am I supposed to sleep?

- Pitch the tent.

- I don't want to sleep in a damn tent.

This is typical.

No one ever thinks about me.

That's because you're a loser.

You're a loser. B*tch.

- Cock hole.

- B*tch.

- Cock hole.

- B*tch.

- Cock hole.

- B*tch.

- Cock hole.

- Stop calling me cock hole, b*tch.

Cock hole.

You're a b*tch.

And you're gonna die of diabetes.

I'm twenty-eight years old.

Treat me like an adult, b*tch.

Hey wow. That's you.

What? Yes.

Wow.

That's so well done.

It's okay.

My brother did it.

- What's all that stuff?

- Stuff.

More candles?

Yes. Rejects.

Ones that aren't good enough.

Hey wow.

It's a hand.

And it's pointing up.

Give me that.

Who gave you permission

to touch that?

No-one. Sorry.

How would you like it

if I went over to your place...

and just started touching

everything?

Like your books and your oven,

or your computer.

How about I just started messing around

on your computer...

and changed all the settings.

Changed your bloody

desktop picture?

I said I was sorry.

This candle was supposed to be

for my Dad, but he thought it was dumb.

Well, I think it's cool.

It's a reject.

How did your brother die?

Sorry.

He was saving a kid

from a fire at the school.

Wow.

Well...

I'll be back in a week, right?

Yep.

You need anything you just...

- give me a call, okay?

- Yeah, okay. Yep.

Thanks, Damon.

Yep.

Oh, wait.

- Safety grass.

- Safety grass.

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