East Side of Heaven Page #3

No, not exactly the same.

How much?

Well, it's $2 a week less.

$2 a week less?

Oh, you are stepping up

in the world.

Two more steps like that and

you'll be right at the bottom.

Well, anyhow, it's a job, and we

can get married tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow's Friday the 13th.

Well, Saturday morning then, we'll

have the whole weekend for a honeymoon.

Let's make it Saturday night,

after work.

We can use

that extra day's pay.

Oh, there you go again,

putting money

ahead of romance.

Well, you know what happened the

last time you asked for the day off.

That's history.

Oh, look.

Isn't that sweet?

Oh, Denny,

do you think we'll ever save

enough money for a room like that?

Who wants a room like that?

Can you imagine me

in a bed that size?

Look at that cute little

chair and the wallpaper.

Of course, we'd have to

put something in the corner.

That looks like a perfect spot for a bar.

Oh, what do you know

about babies?

I know a lot about babies, as a

matter of fact, I used to be one.

Sometimes to hear you

talk like that

I think you don't

even like them.

Of course I like babies.

I like horses, too, but I

wouldn't want to live with one.

Besides, what's so wonderful

about having children?

A fellow and a girl get

married and they have a baby,

they give it all their attention,

make a lot of sacrifices,

the baby grows up, marries,

and what have you got left?

Just a few faded photographs

of that day at Coney Island.

It's no good.

Your father wouldn't like

to hear you say that.

My father is the one

who told me that.

Oh, really?

Mmm-hmm.

Well, my mother

told me different.

Of course, she would.

Oh, wait till you're pushing your

own four-wheeler through Central Park,

you'll sing a different tune.

The only four-wheeler

I'm gonna push

will be that cab of mine

if it breaks down.

That's telling her,

buddy.

The voice of experience.

Well, there you are.

Oh, look. Nicky seems to be doing

a good business tonight, huh?

Get out of the way,

let me take a look.

Where is he?

Oh, look!

Hey, Copernicus,

wake up, come on in.

What's the matter with you?

You're losing a fortune.

Everyone's taking

a free look.

They can put the look

at this end

but from this end,

it don't come out.

That's all right.

Hey, Nicky, what's this?

What's the idea?

Why'd you cut

your price in half?

Tonight is only half-moon.

Well, pack up the stars

and the moon,

let's go get something

to eat, huh?

Why should a man eat?

To live.

Why should a man live?

Order me the same as you!

Well, what's going on

here tonight?

I don't know. Ma Kelly's

never had music before.

Sad music, it's like Russia, now

I can be depressed while I eat.

Oh, hello, children.

How is the Crusading

Troubadour tonight?

The Cruising Troubadour, Mrs.

Kelly, and he's doing all right.

I see you've kind of

gone musical yourself.

Oh, that? Why, that's one of

them society playboys on a toot.

He's feeling terribly sorry

for himself.

How do you like that? He carries

his own band to a restaurant.

That's so the band

can carry him home.

What will it be tonight,

kids, the daily special?

That's right. One of Mrs.

Kelly's mighty hamburgers.

Pitch till you win.

Denny, it's practically here.

With the sun and moon in Gemini

and Jupiter at mid-heaven,

Mercury looks at Saturn and

the first race is at 2:00.

Now, if the moon

was in Scorpio

and Saturn in conjunction

with the sun,

how can the second horse lose?

Hello, Nicky.

Ah, my angel.

Oh, romance?

No, finance.

Ho wants Mamie

to invest her savings

in his system

for betting the races.

There goes Mamie, out of the

frying pan, into the breadline.

That's great.

Play it again

and again and again.

Say, wait a minute.

Haven't you had

enough sad music?

Let's play something else

for a change.

Oh, hello there.

Say, that's young Barrett.

The man who had you fired?

No. His son.

You see that?

Sure I see that.

Do you know what that is?

A match.

No, no, no.

What's the Statue

of Liberty hold?

Why, a torch.

That's right.

That's what I'm carrying.

The white man's burden.

Hello, Mr. Barrett.

My Postal Union friend. Hiya.

How are you?

I'm fine.

That's good.

You know,

I lost my job last night.

Oh, that's bad.

Well, I got a better one

this morning.

Well, now that's good.

I'm going to get married

Saturday.

Oh, that's bad.

Hey, wait. Wait a minute. I

want you to meet Miss Wilson.

This is the young lady

I'm going to marry.

How do you do?

Now, that's good.

Say, Mr. Barrett, could I

speak to you for a minute?

Now, you can stop me

if you've heard this.

Oh, you've got a new story?

No.

Oh, no. It's an old story and

you've probably heard it before.

But here's how it goes.

Most scientists agree

that one of the few things

that can't be preserved

in alcohol

is a happy home.

Oh, I get it.

As a matter of fact, I have come

to somewhat the same conclusion.

And all I want is

a few more drinks

and a few more tunes

to put out the torch.

Play it, boys.

You're never gonna

put out the torch

with the kind of music

they've been playing.

That's right. Denny, you give him

something lively. Cheer him up.

Now, listen, Mrs. Kelly, I park

my voice when I park my cab.

But if you think it'll do

any good, I'll break down.

Why, sure it'll do him good.

All right, boys, right after

lunch play Hickory Limb.

Okay, buddy.

You start it, Joe. We'll

meet you at the chorus.

You know, I was looking

through a book of old quotations

And I came across

the subject of romance

When the poets and the sages

Wrote the wisdom of the ages

They gave the lover

only half a chance

For every bit of pleasure

there'll be pain

If you feel that's no bargain,

then abstain

Hang your heart

on a hickory limb

When love is passing by

Then you won't know

the sadness in a sigh

Hang your heart

on a hickory limb

When spring is in the air

Then you won't be

a victim of despair

You can laugh at sweethearts

Who sorrow and swoon

They're so romantic

They trusted the moon

Hang your heart

upon a hickory limb

Unless you feel like me

That love is worth

the trouble it can be

Hang your heart

on a hickory limb

When love is passing by

Then you won't know

the sadness in a sigh

Hang your heart

on a hickory limb

When spring is in the air

Then you won't be

a victim of despair

You can laugh at sweethearts

Who sorrow and swoon

They're so romantic

They trusted the moon

Hang your heart

on a hickory limb

Unless you feel like me

That love is worth

the trouble it can be

Hang your heart upon a hickory

When love passes by

You won't know sadness,

won't sigh

Hang your heart

upon a hickory stick

Spring is in the air

We're so happy when skies are

blue and spring is making me care

Beware

Laugh at silly sweethearts

They are romantic

They trusted the man

in the moon

Hang your heart

upon a hickory limb

Unless you feel like me

For love is worth

the trouble it can be

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