Easy Money Page #6

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Hey lady, if I buy two odds,

will you show us your end?

Ohh!

Security. Security! Security!

- Yes?

- Mr. Barlow, please.

- What is it?

- Do you know a Monty Capuletti?

- Yes.

- Well, he's on his way upstairs.

Is he?

Gentlemen, let's shelve these

petty matters for the moment.

The son-in-law of our late, beloved

president is on his way to join us,

so let's just sit around

and smoke and drink.

Brent, Brice!

Make up your mind.

Which one of us do you like?

Down the hatch.

Mr. Barlow, this joker

says he knows you.

This joker is part of

the Monahan family, Gus.

Oh, sorry, sir.

People, this is Monty Capuletti

and his friend, Nick Marino.

- No need to stand.

- Monty, what brings you here?

Nicky was lookin' to get a shirt,

but we couldn't find any.

You got nothin' in this

store nobody wants to buy.

Monahan's has an upscale clientele.

All our gentlemen customers

are very conscious of style.

Men don't have style.

Men wear clothes. Women have style.

What sort of shirt were you looking for?

A regular shirt.

See this shirt? Every guy on

our block's got one of these.

You guys don't dress regular.

You got on vests. It's hot as hell here.

These gentlemen and ladies were

handpicked to work for me

and dress accordingly.

Where'd you find these guys, Noah's Ark?

And you. There's a lot of

trouble finding your fly.

I really must apologize.

Monty, I've made a mistake.

I didn't realize what

your true talents were.

- Oh, no.

- You have such fashion sense.

Everything we've been buying, wrong.

All wrong.

Tell us more.

- Your pants.

- Our pants.

You gotta have pants with lots of room

so when you sit down, they don't split.

And zippers that work

easy so you can fix your shorts.

Know what I mean?

Les slacks blousants avec le zip.

Whatever you say.

What about shoes?

Well, you need shoes

that go on and off easy.

You know, no shoe horn.

And no laces. They slow you up.

Yes, I see that.

Chunky, black mailman oxfords,

with adorable little white cotton socks.

Big blousy bowling shirts.

"Mel. The regular guy look."

What?

You can't be this crazy.

He looks like a rummage sale.

I know what I'm doing.

This is just the opportunity

I've been waiting for.

You know, the boredom of unemployment

could really drive a man to drink.

Yeah, so could you too.

Hey, take it easy, Nicky, will ya?

Take it easy.

Monty, we need a mind like yours.

I'd like to offer you a position

as fashion consultant to Monahan's.

Who me?

I'm no fashion consultant.

What's the matter with you?

Take the job. Take the job.

The first thing we do is

we fire that broad downstairs

that stopped us from browsing.

Get me Sergio. Track down Alfonso.

Draw up a budget for Mr. Capuletti.

Let's leak the story to the press.

Hello.

- Mr. Capuletti, please.

- It's for you. It's your wife.

Hey Rose, they took all my clothes!

When are you coming home?

How can I come home?

I got nothing to wear.

I'll call you later. Here, take this.

- Turn away, please.

- Next shirt.

Take it easy, honey. I got no good side.

Could you please turn away?

Scrape all the gum off the

soles and analyze the shoes.

- Should these shorts be duplicated?

- Yes, duplicated and fumigated.

Mr. Barlow, I have the

blacks for the shirts.

That's Mr. Capuletti's department now.

I have midnight black,

raven black, licorice black...

If Nicky was here,

you'd have black-and-blue black.

Twelve inches.

Boy, you're way off.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Compliments of Monty Capuletti,

invitations to the premiere of

Monahan's "The Regular Guy Look."

Barkeeper, I'll have

a Perrier with a twist.

I'm sorry. I only have Perrier on draft.

Nicholas, Patrick,

how good to see you again.

I know what you're thinking.

Why am I slumming?

Well, I'm here to hand-deliver

these invitations to you.

But I'm not sure if you should attend.

We're his friends.

We'll be there. Gimme.

Well, it's your decision

and I'm sure your

intentions are the best,

but think about it.

It's not good for Monty to associate

with people who do what he used to do.

- We would protect him from that.

- He's talking about us.

If you really are Monty's friends,

you'll stop making it hard for him.

Look at you. You're smoking, drinking.

We're in a bar.

What do you expect us to do?

You must think I'm stupid or something.

I look like I just got off a boat?

I know what you're trying to do.

Go ahead, get out of here you half

a sissy before I give you a slap.

Hey Nicky, take it easy, will ya?

Nick, you do want Monty to

have the money, don't you?

Hey, what do you let it get to you for?

He just wants the money.

But what bothers me is he's right.

So he's right.

Think he's right?

I mean, Nicky's his coach.

He tells him eat fruit,

tells him to exercise.

It's not what he says, it's what we do.

It's peer pressure.

Oh, yeah. Our lives are attractive.

I guess Nicky and Paddy won't show.

They didn't call, either, huh?

- No.

- Tonight, we present

our tribute to the American silhouette.

Ladies and gentlemen,

"The Regular Guy Look."

Jonathan and Billy are wearing

the regular guy leisure look for fall.

Bold print, double-knit polyester pants

with totally

non-coordinated print shirts.

Pie is wearing the Italian

restaurant look.

Perfect for picnics where you

can be your own tablecloth.

Tie has the bowling alley sportif look.

Next up is Peter, wearing

the regular guy lounge look in black

on black, on black.

I think they like it.

Everyone's smiling.

You like to gamble, take a chance

on the regular guy robe.

American classic,

iridescent blue sharkskin.

That suit. Look at that suit.

Have you seen the suit...

And now...

I'd like to introduce the man

responsible for this evening.

Mr. Monty Capuletti!

Take a bow, Monty.

Fatty. Eating again, fatty, fatty?

Fatty, fatty. Eating

again, fatty, fatty?

Fatty, fatty, fatty...

- Who put this in here?

- I was only trying to help.

Well don't help.

I'm tired of people trying to help me.

- Monty, calm down.

- What are you lookin' at?

Go upstairs and clean your room.

It's a pigsty.

Leave me alone!

- I know what you're thinkin' too.

- Oh, god.

All I ever wanted was a happy family.

That's all I ever asked for,

a happy family.

A family that loved each other.

I never cared about anything else.

Stop it, will ya.

I can't take it no more.

Money caused all this.

I don't wanna be rich.

We're not supposed to be rich.

We don't look rich, we don't

talk rich, we don't smell rich!

No more rich! I want our house

to be the way it was.

Hey, fatty, fatty.

- Monty, where are you going?

- I'll be at Louie's.

Gettin' drunk!

Take this, Julio. Go and get her.

She's your wife. Go ahead, go get her.

Right, she's my wife.

A gun. I don't want a gun.

Go back and get her, Julio.

Go back and get her.

I must've been nuts to do this for...

Oh, look who's here.

I want her back, man. She's mine.

Put that thing away.

You'll hurt yourself, will ya.

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