Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds Page #4

So I asked himout, eventually.

That's deep.

F*** you.

No, I'mserious.

So whatever happened

to your soul man?

Doesn'tmatter.

Anyway, that's...

ancienthistory.

Hey, you need a

workout buddy?

Yeah.

This feels horrible.

Stop shaking your

ass so much.

No, I mean lyingto Troy.

Honey, men lie.

And you'reaman, technically.

Well, tonight you

better notforgetto...

F***!

Honey, I neverforgetto f***.

No, f***!

As in...

Kyle!

Hey, boys.

What's up?

Oh, youtwo knowMarc?

I usedto have

abig crush on Kyle.

Didn'tl?

But he's not

yourtypeatall.

So, how do youtwo

know each other?

Oh, wegotnaked

together lastnight.

What?!

Weboth model

for Mr. Thompson.

Wow, he's aregular

Gus Van Sant.

Can I talkto you

for a second?

You haven't

f***ed him yet.

Hey, I don'ttreatpeople

likepieces of meat.

You should.

It'sfun.

You do knowhe's gay, right?

Oh God, I'msorry.

Isthat againsttherules?

That's theonlyfucking rule!

Keep awayfrom hot

gay guys -

unlesstheyhave

girlfriends, likeme.

Okay, well, don't...

queen outaboutit.

Besides, hetold me-

I'mnot histype.

Andyou believed him?

I bet hetold you

hesawalight

in your soul, too.

Kyle, Ithinkyour

girlfriend's getting jealous.

Please.

Shetrusts mecompletely.

We'restrongerthan ever.

In fact, wewere

justaboutto... f***.

- Whoa!

- Really?

Yeah, I can hardly

keep myfingers off

ofhis big hard stick.

Especiallywhen he's

all sweaty

frompower-walking.

I'll bet.

Go for it.

What?

Stick your hand

in his shorts.

- Get himhard.

- Yeah!

No way!

What?

Aren'tyou straightanymore?

Of coursel'mstraight.

Butl don'tthink parading

myheterosexualityaround

in public is verypolite.

Well, howaboutyou

two justkiss?

Yeah, that'd behot.

Akiss?

And use some tongue...

unless you don'tlike

kissing your girlfriend.

I lovekissing

my girlfriend.

Proveit.

Whyshould...

Wow.

Youtwo getaroom.

Invite meover!

Kyle?!

Mom?

Kyle?!

Whatareyou doing here?!

Iwas justrunning errands.

Oh, baby, this is more

than I could ever

have hoped for!

This is wonderful!

You area girl, right?

Mom, of courseshe's a girl!

Would you stop

hugging me?

Wehadn'ttold her yet.

You don'tunderstand!

I used to catch this boy

masturbatingwith every

vegetablein thefridge-

and nowthis!

Have youtellthat awful

ex-boyfriend of yours?

I haveafeeling heknows.

I havea feeling

this isthe funniestthing

he's ever seen.

I haveafeeling thatthe

childish things he's doing

areacts ofjealousy,

and in somesmallway,

it's kind ofnice to know

hecaresfor a change.

Who gives a shitabouthim?

I'mgonnabea grandma!

This is war!

Marc's gonnaruetheday

hemessedwith me!

Wow, you almost

seemlikeatop.

Marc thinks hecan get

whatever hewants just

bytaking his shirt off.

Maybesomeguys don't

wantahot, muscular stud who's

confident with his sexuality.

Maybesomepeoplethink

it's charming enough

to pretendthat

you're sexuallyconflicted -

Somepeoplelike...

Octavio.

Octo-what?

Oh, hi, Yummy.

I'mTiffani.

Therhinoceros?

Excuseme?

Tiffani, this is Octavio,

fromthat group

Iwas telling you about.

Rhinoceros?

I'll callyoutonight.

Good luck not

f***ing each other.

So, Octavio.

Octavio.

Octavio.

It's like you'resaying

a'V' and 'B'

atthe same time-

"Octavio. "

B and B?

V and B.

So, whatare you doing here?

Your girlfriend's sexy.

Thanks.

Nothing like I expected.

Whatareyou saying, I'mnot

good enough for her?

No, Ijust...

didn't believeyou.

Something aboutyou screamed

single... and lonely.

As you can see,

I'mclearlynot...

And horny.

Horny?

- You're hitting on me.

- Yes, I am.

Whatabout Homo No More?

Ithoughtthey

straightenedyou out.

When I sawyou atthe meeting,

I sort offell offmywagon.

You didn'thave

thatfar to fall...

Shutup.

I musthaveyou.

I haveafeelingthis

is against therules.

It's okay.

Thebossy guy-Jacob -

hebreaksthe rules

allthe time.

Wait!

Jacob's gay?

Of course.

Onetime hefollowed me

into the bathroomat school

and startedtapping his toe

underneath thestall...

Enough abouthim.

Your lipstaste

likecherry.

It's my girlfriend's

lip gloss.

Oh, Octavio.

Octavio.

Well, I'm this way.

Thanks forthejog.

Hey, youwanna

comeovertonight?

No, I can't.

I'mgonnawatch thegame

with Kyle andTiffani.

Oh.

Well, you guys havefun.

Hey, you wanna jog

again tomorrow?

Maybelateafternoon?

Wecould hang outafterwards.

That'd begreat.

Cool.

That's howwe gays do it.

Wasn'tthatawesome?

Yeah.

Kyle made his momso happy.

What couldthey possibly

havein common?

Besides wanting to be straight?

Well, theyboth havedicks

thathaven'tbeen suckedtoday.

Thanks, Gwen.

You havenothing

to worry about.

Kyle's non-threatening.

He's like... soymilk.

Or something you usewhen

you run out of normal milk.

And you'recream.

Gaycream.

Ew.

Hold still.

What's up with

allthedrawing?

I don'tknow.

I likeit.

I'mkinda good atit.

Sincewhen?

Since now.

Ithinklfound mycalling.

I barelythink

about sex anymore.

Ijustwanna... drawit.

That's so notlike you.

Well, you being alljealous

isn'tlike you, either.

Look, it's simple.

Troyis a blank canvas.

No, he's a sketch.

He's gotallthese

lameideas aboutwhat

being gayis like,

butheneeds youto come in

and provide thehornydetails.

Ha, ha.

And before you knowit...

fine art.

F***in'sh*t!

F***in'sh*t!

Comeon, muthafuckas,

we can win this!

Kyle, we're48 points behind

with lessthan aminute to go.

Oh.

Thatwas actually

fun though.

I mean, it sucks

thatwe lost.

Aw, you'll get over it.

So, uh, howwas your day?

Strange.

Butyou knowthere's

something Iwantedto

talkto you about-

something I didn't share

with the group yesterday.

I didn't exactly go cold salami

when I decided to turn straight.

Therewerea fewslip-ups.

Whileyou were with Tiffani?

Yeah, and she's great

becausesheunderstands

howpent-up feelings

can just explode

ifyou don't do

anything about'em.

So, it's okayif one

of us makes a mistake

everyoncein awhile.

We'veeven talked

about thepossibly of...

playing... together.

What, likea three-way?

Yeah.

I had athree-wayonce.

What?

Yeah, with two girls.

Oh, I guess that counts.

Barely.

We were in this empty

farmhouseoutsideoftown.

Itwas going great.

Theyhad me in the middle

andwe werekissing.

And then theypulled

their panties down

and pushed medowntown.

And that's when things

started to fall apart.

So, you didn'tlikeit?

Well, itwasn't doing

thatmuch for me.

Doesthatmakeme gay?

Lots of straight guys

don'tlikeeating p*ssy.

They complain about

itallthetime.

Whathappened next?

Well, thesituation

gotworse.

I couldn't...

findtheir clits.

You couldn't?

Or G-spots or whatever.

Iwas down thereforever.

It was embarrassing.

Theylaughed at me.

Oneofthemeven

called methe Susan Lucci

oftonguefucking -

seventeen attempts

and no clit.

I knowwhereit's at.

You do?

Yeah.

Couldyou showme?

Showyou?

Howdo you find it

on Tiffani?

Howam I supposed

to showyouthat?

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