Ed TV Page #14

140 INT. SHARI'S BUILDING - DAY

Rita OPENS the door and sees Ed.

RITA:

(nervously)

Oh. Ed.

ED:

Hi. Is Shari here?

RITA:

No.

ED:

What is she, at work?

RITA:

She left.

ED:

Well, when will she be back?

RITA:

She won't.

ED:

What are you talking about?

RITA:

She left. She moved. She got

Fed-Ex to give her a transfer and

she left. She couldn't stand it

anymore. We had people, news

people, regular people, just

sleeping in our hallway, going

through our mail, our garbage.

I mean it was she couldn't

take it anymore. Now I've got to

move. I can't afford this place

by myself.

ED:

I'm sorry. Where'd they send

her?

RITA:

She wouldn't tell me.

141 INT. ED'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

He's off the air. He's a little down. He's ON the PHONE-

INTERCUT WITH:

142 INT. CYNTHIA'S BEDROOM

She's working out an a contraption.

ED:

Remember when you were

interviewing me?

(details to follow)

143 EXT. PARK - DAY

CYNTHIA:

Yeah.

ED:

You asked me if I had a dream.

I said "Sure, I have a dream. I

just don't know what it is yet."

CYNTHIA:

Great line.

ED:

What if Shari's the dream?

CYNTHIA:

Ed, do you want my advice?

ED:

Yeah, that's why I called. I

mean, maybe Fed-Ex would tell me

where she moved --

CYNTHIA:

Leave her be.

ED:

You said a woman likes to be

pursued.

CYNTHIA:

Pursued, not harassed. Give it

some space. Can I tell you

something -- as a friend? My

sister was going with a guy

they hit a little rough spot

they started seeing other people

they got back together and last

month they had their third child

For what it's worth.

OPEN ON ANDY, Ed's half-Asian nephew. He's eight. He's

wearing a baseball glove.

ANDY:

Throw me a high one, Uncle Eddie.

ED (O.C.)

Okay.

REVEAL ED, also wearing a baseball glove. He throws a high pop

up to Andy. Andy staggers around and almost catches it.

ED:

Oh!!

JILL (0.C.)

We have to stop meeting like

this.

ED:

Hm?

REVEAL JILL, walking a DOG. it takes just a second to

recognize her.

ED (CONT'D)

Oh, hi.

Ed is hit with the ball.

ANDY:

Sorry.

REVEAL the Real TV Staff watching this on television in their

office. As Ed and Jill chat in the background.

ALICE:

(to Cynthia)

Did you arrange this?

CYNTHIA:

(points to the TV)

Whose dog is that?

ALICE:

(surprised)

That's your dog.

Cynthia doesn't even smile.

MONTAGE:

INTERSPERSED IN THE MONTAGE ARE SHOTS OF PEOPLE

WATCHING THEM ON TV

1. Ed and Jill going into a chic club -- ushered in

immediately. Here, as in the other times we see her, Jill is

comfortable with the situation. She's the opposite of Shari.

She poses willingly. She chats easily with paparazzi. She

clings to Ed. There's nothing overt or obnoxious about her.

She's just comfortable and good at it and always looks great.

2. INTERVIEW with the guys who didn't like Shari.

GUY #1

Way to go, Ed!

GUY # 2

Now, we're talking!

3. A N.Y. Post story:

"Readers Pick Jill over Shari."

Pictures of both women. Jill looks great. Shari is in her

uniform and looks like a mouse.

4. SHARI

In a new apartment. Watching Ed and Jill on TV. She's very

unhappy. She turns it off.

5. Ed and Jill at the nice restaurant he was at with Shari

earlier. It looks like he's starting to like her.

6. Ed is refereeing a pro-wrestling match. He counts out the

villain who, then, jumps up and chases him out of the ring.

144 INT. JILL'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

"DAY 47"

Ed and Jill are in a HEAVY LIPLOCK. Carlos is right there with

the camera. Unlike Shari, Jill seems unself-conscious. She's

getting Ed pretty turned-on.

SHOTS of VIEWERS, also turned on, especially the men.

JILL:

You want to?

It's clear what she means. Ed is conflicted. He's clearly

aroused.

ED:

Um... It's kind of ...

He looks for his watch on the wrong wrist, then seems to check

all around his body until he discovers it.

JILL:

Are you busy tomorrow night?

ED:

No.

JILL:

Why don't you come over. And

I'11 make dinner. And you bring

a movie. And ... We'11 make a

night of it ... okay?

ED:

(nervously)

Sure.

145 EXT. STREET - DAY

Written on the screen -- "Day 48"

Ed is walking, the camera following. He looks tense. People

SHOUT "Hey, Ed" "Ed-die" etc.

ANGLE ON A NEWSPAPER VENDING MACHINE

The New York Post front page -- "Is tonight the Night?" with a

picture of Ed and Jill kissing.

ANGLE ON ED:

ED:

Oh man...

CON ED GUY:

Hey, Eddie.

Ed looks up.

CON ED GUY (CONT'D)

(giving the "thumbs

up")

Go for it!

Ed continues down the street. People YELL to him "Good luck

tonight," "We're rooting for you" etc.

A STREET CHARACTER walks alongside for a minute.

STREET CHARACTER

Hey, man. This is Haitian Love Juice.

(he produces a vial)

You give her this, she be yours.

Security grabs him and the vial falls and breaks. The liquid

hits the pavement and smokes up.

ED:

(looking at the smoke)

Jesus!

More shouts "Be gentle", "We'11 be watching", "Use a condom" etc.

A SCHOOL BUS passes. The KIDS YELL out the window to Ed.

KIDS:

(in unison)

Good luck!

146 EXT. MOVIE THEATRE - NIGHT

There is no line. At TICKET TAKER sits, bored. No one is

going in or coming out.

147 EXT. STREET

It's deserted.

148 EXT. RESTAURANT

It's empty. The HEADWAITER stands in the doorway with nothing

to do.

149 INT. LIVING ROOM

A PARTY is in progress. The TV is on. On TV Ed is in a liquor

store, buying a bottle of wine. Ed is dressed for his date.

The people at the party are watching TV and commenting. It's

like a Super bowl party.

VOICE (O.C.)

What's he doing?

PARTYGOER:

He's buying wine!

150 INT. BEDROOM

Several high-school age BOYS. They have made themselves look

like Ed. They're very excited.

TEEN-AGE BOY #1

You think he's gonna do it?

TEEN-AGE BOY #2

Hell yeah. The guy hasn't had

any sex in six weeks.

TEEN-AGE BOY #3

Neither have we.

151 EXT. STREET

Ed's car turns the corner and he sees a CROWD gathered around Jill's

building.

152 EXT. BUILDING

ED:

(understating)

I'm starting to feel a little

pressure.

Ed carrying his wine enters to APPLAUSE and CHEERS.

153 EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET

A LONG SHOT encompasses all the houses on the block. Their

living room TV's are visible. All but one are tuned to Ed.

154 INT. JILL'S KITCHEN

Something is cooking. Jill picks up a plate of something -

dip and cut vegetables for instance. She starts to exit the

kitchen as Ed and Carlos enter. Ed and Jill have a soft

collision.

JILL:

Oh.

ED:

Can I help with anything?

JILL:

No. It's going to be about a

half-hour.

ED:

What is? Oh, dinner!

SELF-CONSCIOUSLY. He takes a vegetable, dips it and eats it.

ED (CONT'D)

Mm.

JILL:

Good?

ED:

Mm.

They look at each other. Jill leans forward and kisses him.

She puts the tray of vegetables on the counter. They continue

to kiss.

155 INT. BEDROOM

The high school boys are CHANTING.

156 INT. DORM ROOM

BOYS:

Ed -- Ed -- Ed -- Ed...

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