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Ed TV Page #13
- Year:
- 2011
- 407 Views
He takes CLOTHING OUT of the bathroom hamper.
until he finds something acceptable.
130 INT. CONTROL TRUCK
They're monitoring the empty bed.
131 INT. BATHROOM
Ed is dressed. He CLIMBS OUT his bathroom window.
132 INT. SHARI'S APARTMENT - LATER
ED:
Hi.
She looks down the hallway.
ED (CONT'D)
They're not here.
He goes in, grabs her and kisses her passionately.
SHARI:
I tried to tell you over the
phone -- my parents went to
Atlantic City.
ED:
So?
SHARI:
So my little brother's staying
here. I'm sleeping with Rita.
ED:
Oh Je -- couldn't he sleep with
Rita? We'11 all have a good
time.
SHARI:
I'm sorry.
ED:
Come on, let's go.
SHARI:
Where?
ED:
Somewhere.
133 INT. ED'S CAR - A FEW MINUTES LATER
They get in. They look at each other.
ED:
Do you want to go to a motel?
SHARI:
I feel like a criminal or, like
we're cheating on someone.
ED:
(nicely)
Just... just relax. Okay? We
won't do anything. We'11 just
sit here for a while.
SHARI:
Okay.
ED:
Come on...
Gently he puts his arm around her. At first, she hesitates,
but then curls up against him and relaxes.
ED (CONT'D)
I need to talk.
SHARI:
Are you all right?
ED:
She lied to me. I mean all my
life, she's telling me one story
and then... it turns out to be a
completely different story. Come
to me at some point -- tell me
the truth. No. Not in my house.
The truth is a stranger. And
this is why Ray and Marcia are
the way they are. Marcia gets
involved with all these losers
and sees no problem with herself -
"How do they find me" she says.
Ray cheats on you and then blames
me for it. I'm the only one in
responsibility for himself... Oh,
man... Are you all right?
SHARI:
(hesitantly)
Yeah... I saw that girl come on
to you at the TV show.
ED:
Oh that was... no, I ... she just
kind of trapped me into giving
her a ride. It's you. I want
you.
SHARI:
...yeah?
He TOUCHES her. They KISS. Then again. Their hands are
roaming. They're hot. They're breathing hard. He's
unbuttoning her blouse. Their hands are all over each other.
Her blouse comes off. LIGHTS GO ON. They see cameras,
shooting at them. Shari SCREAMS and covers her breasts.
134 INT. TV - DAY
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Good morning. Welcome to another
day of Ed TV. Last night, while
most of us were asleep ... this
happened.
FOUR GUYS in a disgustingly messy room, watching the replay of
Ed and Shari.
FRAT GUYS:
Yes!!
They GYRATE LEWDLY.
136 EXT. STREET - DAY
Shari is working. Ed is following her around. Shari is ANGRY.
The cameras are there.
SHARI:
Get them away from me.
She takes PACKAGES OUT OF the TRUCK and THROWS them at the
cameramen.
ED:
It's not their fault.
SHARI:
No. It's your fault.
ED:
What do you want me to do? You
want me to quit the show?!
SHARI:
No... Could you?
ED:
No. If I quit I don't get the
balloon payment.
SHARI:
The what?
ED:
Ray borrowed this whole tub of
money against this balloon
payment that I don't get if I qu --
it's too complicated. I -- Besides...
SHARI:
What?
Pause.
ED:
You see how people look at me.
Like when they ask for my
autograph or say "Hi" to me...
It's like I'm a basketball player
or a... you know, like I'm
someone.
SHARI:
Everybody's someone.
ED:
Well, yeah, everybody's someone.
But I mean someone they want to
be. I mean let's face it, I'm
working in the video store, no
wish I was that guy. 1 wish
was rewinding that huge pile of
tapes." At least for a month
I'm not just a guy with a name
tag. I'm famous.
A GUY YELLS from across the street.
GUY:
Shari! Nice nipples.
ED:
And so are you.
GUYS keep YELLING "Shari!"
She tries to go after them. Ed holds her back.
SHARI:
I don't want to be famous for
getting caught with my shirt off.
The camera is right in her face. She grabs it.
SHARI (CONT'D)
(to the camera person)
This is going right up your ass.
ED:
Come on.
He returns the camera.
Shari starts for her truck.
SHARI:
Look... maybe we just better put
us on hold until this is over.
She gets in her truck.
ED:
Come on! Loosen up.
(trying to joke)
See -- this is why seventy-one
per cent of the people don't like
you.
ED (CONT'D)
It was a joke! A... vicious,
thoughtless stupid joke.
She drives away.
He BOWS.
ED (CONT'D)
(to the camera)
And that, for you kids out there,
is how you screw up a relationship.
137 INT. ED'S APARTMENT
Ed enters. He's worn out. He plops down, and puts on the TV.
ED:
(to the camera)
I'm gonna watch anything but me.
Ed is flipping stations. Something makes him stop.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Coming in two weeks to the
Lifestyle Channel -- Joma. His
Dad's a cop, his brother's a
bouncer in a topless bar, his
sister is a black-belt social
worker -- and Joma's living with
two gals.
We see JOMA. He has a lot of charisma. He seems a little
dangerous, but in an exciting way.
JOMA:
Hey, Ed! I'm coming to get you,
man! I'm gonna eat you right up!
(makes gobbling-up
noises)
ANGLE ON ED:
Watching. He's stunned.
138INT. NETWORK CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
They're watching a tape of Ed TV. Ed has just entered his own
apartment. A WOMAN is there, sitting on his sofa. She's
caressing Ed's undershorts against her cheek. Ed is highly
agitated.
ED:
How did you get into my
apartment?!
The BODYGUARD is pulling her out.
REVEAL that Scharlach, McIlvaine, Seaver, Cynthia and Greg are
all watching.
McILVAINE
What is she holding?
GREG:
(calmly)
A pair of Ed's underwear.
McILVAINE
Oh my God!
ON the TAPE, the woman while being forcibly evicted, offers
the underwear to Ed. Ed recoils.
ED:
No -- keep it.
WOMAN:
I love you! 1 want to marry you!
She's hauled out. They stop the tape.
SCHARLACH:
See -- that's television! This
other thing, this Jama, that has
"stink" written all over it.
GREG:
The break-up with Shari was very
big. Big ratings.
SEAVER:
Only, Cynthia, seriously. Tell
Ed not to sneak out anymore.
SCHARLACH:
Cynthia ...
He wants it accomplished.
139 EXT. STREET - DAY
SEAVER (CONT'D)
It's in violation of his contract
and if we wanted to be hard-nosed
about it, he could forfeit all
pay, including money he's already
received.
CYNTHIA:
(dutifully, but a tad
resentfully)
I will see that he's properly
threatened.
SCHARLACH:
Now what? What's on the young
man's agenda? We don't want to
lovesick puppy.
GREG:
Young males do not want to see Ed
get back with Shari.
SCHARLACH:
(impatiently)
Enough with her. That sailed.
McILVAINE
Could Ed live with two girls?
GREG:
You know who the audience is
requesting a lot? That girl,
Jill, that Ed met at the
Letterman show. She really
scored.
SCHARLACH:
Cynthia...
He wants it accomplished.
139 EXT. STREET - DAY
Ed is walking from his car to a building. CROWDS are behind
barricades. They YELL at Ed as he passes. Ed is used to this.
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"Ed TV" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 30 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/ed_tv_467>.
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