Ed TV Page #8

SHARI:

Ha!

ED:

Okay ...

SHARI:

(poking Ed as she

talks)

I've got news for you-- I never

intended to marry him.

ED:

Oh... how come?

70 INT. RAY'S APARTMENT

Ray, watching on TV.

71 INT. SHARI'S APARTMENT

SHARI:

Well, for one thing, he's a bad

lay.

72 INT. RAY'S APARTMENT

His eyes bulge out and he begins to gasp.

RAPID SHOTS of viewers reacting-- "Whoa!" laughs, etc. The

college girls applauding. one of them SCREAMS "Tell it!"

73 INT. SHARI'S APARTMENT

Ed realizes that Ray's been called a "bad lay" on television.

ED:

Oh my God.

SHARI:

(directly into the

camera)

I mean bad.

ED:

Look, not having been there... I

just think you're hurt and you're

saying this to, you know, get

back at him.

She starts to cry.

ED (CONT'D)

Look... whether you get back

together or not, you're too

terrific a person to... lower

yourself like this.

74 INT. RAY'S APARTMENT

Ray, still in shock.

75 INT. SHARI'S APARTMENT

ED (CONT'D)

I mean, I told Ray -- a couple of

times -- that I thought you were

one of the best and ... smartest

and... most attractive women

I've ever seen so...

In comforting her, he's gotten his face very close to hers.

76 INT. DORMITORY

Same dorm girls as before.

DORM GIRL:

Kiss him! Kiss him!

BACK TO SCENE:

SHARI:

Really?

ED:

Yeah.

She tilts her head forward a little, hesitates, then kisses

him, at first warmly, then passionately.

77 INT. DORM ROOM

The girls are going wild-- SCREECHING.

78 INT. TAD'S HOUSE

TAD:

I'm nuts, hah?! I knew it! I

said!

He dials the phone.

79 INT. JOHN'S HOUSE

John is stunned.

JOHN:

Oh, Jesus!

80 INT. RAY'S APARTMENT

He stares, amazed.

The WOMAN he was found with appears behind him.

WOMAN:

I found the Snapple.

81 INT. CYNTHIA'S BEDROOM

She sees the kiss.

CYNTHIA:

Yes! Yes! I win! Scharlach,

you schmuck! I am the golden

goddess of television!

She begins beating her chest, one fist at a time while she

SCREAMS in triumph.

82 INT. SHARI'S APARTMENT

Shari and Ed have stopped kissing. They both look stunned.

Shari is suddenly sober.

SHARI:

Oh my God.

She looks at Carlos who has now moved closer to them

SHARI (CONT'D)

Oh my God.

ED:

It's... okay

SHARI:

I kissed my boyfriend's brother

on television!

ED:

Well, when you put it that way.

SHARI:

Leave. Go.

ED:

Can't we just --

SHARI:

Go!

ED:

(exiting)

All right. Okay. I'11 ... see

you.

He and Carlos exit. Going through the door, he gives Carlos a

little push then quickly steps back inside, slams the door and

locks it.

83 INT. CONTROL TRUCK

CARLOS (V.O.)

I'm locked out.

DIRECTOR:

Stay calm. Shoot the door.

We're running sound. And we've

got a camera in the street.

84 EXT. BUILDING

A CAMERA is shooting at a second-story window. We SEE

SILHOUETTES.

85 INT. SHARI'S APARTMENT

Ed is at the door. Shari is across the room. They stare at

each other silently. Then they run to each other. They kiss

again.

86 EXT. BUILDING

We can SEE them KISSING...

87 INT. APARTMENT

Ed and Shari are all over each other. They're breathless.

SHARI:

What are we doing?

ED:

I've got to tell you something.

I have had a big thing for you

for months.

INTERCUT WITH SHOTS OF VIEWERS

They're seeing the door or the silhouette shot, but they're

hearing every word. They're mesmerized.

SHARI:

Really?

ED:

Yeah. I mean for months I've

been seeing you with Ray you

being his girlfriend and I

kept wishing you were my

girlfriend... But, you know, what

could I do?

SHARI:

Me too. I mean I'm going out

with Ray and I'm... thinking

about you.

ED:

Really?

SHARI:

Oh God, this is so weird.

ED:

Weird? If this happened last

month it would've been weird.

Now with... the TV and... now

it's just too weird.

They look at each other. They don't know what to do.

ED (CONT'D)

I'd better go.

She nods. He walks to the door.

ED (CONT'D)

Once more?

She nods. They run back to each other and kiss.

88 EXT. BUILDING

The silhouettes are kissing.

89 INT. RAY'S APARTMENT

Ray staring at the TV.

90 EXT. PRIVATE HOME - LATER

"DAY SIX"

This is a fairly old, modest private home. Ed pulls up. He

and Carlos get out of the car. Ed hurries up to the front door

and enters.

91 INT. HOME - CONTINUOUS

Ed enters. He's a little AGITATED

ANGLE ON AL:

ED:

Hi, Al.

Al is in his wheelchair and taking periodic hits off an oxygen

mask connected to a tank. Al's watching himself on TV.

AL:

(excited)

Look. It's me.

He WAVES.

ED:

Yeah. I brought you some movies.

AL:

Anything good?

They LAUGH.

ED:

No, I intentionally picked out a

lot of crap 'cause I don't like

you.

ED (CONT'D)

Is Mom here? I gotta talk to

her.

AL:

She's in the kitchen. I'd yell

for her, but I'd die.

(sucks more oxygen)

You had a busy night last night.

ED:

(calls)

Yeah. Ma...

JEANETTE (O.C.)

Eddie? ...

ED:

Yeah?

JEANETTE (O.C.)

Are the TV people with you?

ED:

Yeah. The camera guy is here.

JEANETTE (O.C.)

Send him away.

ED:

Send him? Ma, I can't.

it's -- just come out here.

Please, I --

JEANETTE (O.C.)

No.

ED:

Do you want us to come in the

kitchen?

JEANETTE (O.C.)

No. It's a mess.

ED:

Look, Ma, come on out. Really.

I need to talk to you.

After a pause, Jeanette enters, very camera-conscious.

ED (CONT'D)

(to the camera)

This is my mother.

STIFFLY, he gives her a kiss.

ED (CONT'D)

Ma, do you know where Ray is?

I've been calling him and I'm

getting his machine and --

JEANETTE:

Eddie, how could you do it? Your

brother's girlfriend.

ED:

Hey, he cheated on her.

JEANETTE:

He made a mistake.

ED:

I don't want to -- do you know

where he is?

JEANETTE:

No. Maybe he's watching.

(indicates the camera)

Tell him you're sorry. Tell him

you'11 stay away from that girl.

ED:

No! And that girl has a name.

AL:

What do you love her or

something?

ED:

(embarrassed)

Come on...

AL:

(teasing)

Look at your face. I had a car

that color.

VARIOUS REACTIONS OF VIEWERS really liking this.

BACK TO SCENE:

JEANETTE:

I know you. This Shari is a

passing fancy.

ED:

No! I -- All right,

look, if you hear from Ray.... tell

him to call me, okay?

He KISSES her again.

ED (CONT'D)

How's Marcia? She all right?

JEANETTE:

I don't know.

She's living with that

"entertainer"...

ED:

(trying to make his

mother feel better)

Well, who knows? Maybe she

finally picked a winner this

time.

JEANETTE:

(unconvinced)

Mm.

ED:

You and Al lived together a few

months before you got married --

after Dad left.

JEANETTE:

(looks at the TV)

Oh my God!

ED:

I mean, that worked out.

JEANETTE:

Oh my God!!

She gets in the closet and closes the door.

92 INT. OFFICE

ED:

(to the camera)

I think we're through here.

The Real TV group is there.

They're smiling. Cynthia is ON the PHONE

CYNTHIA:

(into phone)

I will. I'11 tell them.

(hangs up)

That was Scharlach. All of you,

scrub your asses. He's coming

over to kiss them.

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