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Ed TV Page #7
- Year:
- 2011
- 407 Views
TERRY:
you're moving.
ALICE:
Yes. Try not to stay in one
place too long. Get outside as
much as you can.
KEITH:
Also, we have some notions. Have
you thought about becoming a Big
Brother?
GREG:
Or coaching a Little League team?
FELICIA:
How about a date?
ED:
Are you asking me?
FELICIA:
No, I mean...
KEITH:
It's just, the ratings are still
soft.
LONG PAUSE:
ED:
(nervously)
CYNTHIA:
Let's not worry about that vet.
ALICE:
You're testing well.
FELICIA:
There's another problem.
GREG:
It's ... Ray.
ED:
What about Ray?
GREG:
Well, the walrus impression -
delightful as it was -- is just
not wowing the audience. This is
some audience research.
He hands Ed a PRINTOUT. Ed doesn't know how to interpret the
figures.
ED:
What does this mean?
FELICIA:
It means they hate his freaking
guts. It means if he were on
fire they wouldn't put him out.
ED:
He's just ... trying a little too
hard --
CYNTHIA:
Ed, the audience can smell the
desperation coming through the
screen.
TERRY:
Could you... see him a little
less often?
ED:
How much less?
FELICIA:
Never would be plenty.
ED:
I can't do that to him. He's
pushing a little too hard -
but... I just can't do that to
him.
SILENCE:
ED (CONT'D)
He'11 be fine.
59 INT. CAR - DAY
"DAY FIVE"
Ed is driving slowly on a busy street. Suddenly an
EIGHTEEN YEAR-OLD BOY lands heavily on Ed's windshield. Ed is badly
startled. He can't see. He swerves and stops. The boy is not
hurt. He's banging on the windshield, waving at the camera.
Ed, furious, gets out.
60 EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS
ED:
What the --?!
BOY:
I'm on TV! I'm on TV!
Ed just stares in disbelief.
61 EXT. STREET - LATER
Ed is walking. PEOPLE YELL at him.
GUY:
Ed! Your show stinks!
The Guy LAUGHS like he really got in a good one. Ed ignores him.
TWO TEENAGERS run in, one has a camera and quickly snaps a
picture of Ed and the other Guy. Merrily, they shake his hand
and run off, whooping.
There are PEOPLE who trail along. Many of them will show up
again and again, throughout the movie, following Ed. Some of
them will look mentally or emotionally impaired.
QUICK SHOTS of Ed with CUSTOMERS - One or two show a bit of
camera-consciousness. A little group has gathered to observe
Ed's "show".
63 INT. APARTMENT BUILDING HALLWAY- NIGHT
Ed rings the bell.
ED:
(to the camera)
This is Ray's apartment. Ray's
got a big-screen TV and the
Knicks are playing in L.A.
tonight, so sometimes I come over
after I work late and we watch
the game here. He makes funny
comments. He's really a good
guy. He just...
RAY (O.C.)
Who is it?
ED:
It's me, Ed.
The door opens a crack, revealing Ray in a bathrobe. Ray's
look is unwelcoming.
RAY:
Hi.
ED:
You watching the ballgame?
RAY:
Uh, no, uh I'm a little tired.
I fell asleep.
ED:
Oh. All right. I'11 watch at
home, then.
RAY:
Yeah...
WOMAN (O.C.)
Ray, where do you keep the
glasses?
ED:
Oh, is Shari here? Why didn't
you just say so? Why are you
giving me a song-and-dance about
being tired?
ED (CONT'D)
(calls out)
Hi, Shari.
WOMAN (O.C.)
Who's Shari?
ED:
Who's --
Ray looks pained. Ed realizes what's happening and freezes
Ray's phone RINGS.
RAY:
Oh sh*t...
He turns to answer his phone, allowing the door to swing open
a little. Ed can see into the kitchen. He sees a WOMAN,
wearing just panties, facing away from him, searching for
glasses.
RAY:
(into phone)
Hello... Shari, hi... Oh no! ...
Oh God!
ED:
(to the camera)
We'd better go...
RAPID CUTS of VIEWERS loving this, some screaming "Don't go!,
don't leave, stay" etc.
BACK TO SCENE:
RAY:
(into phone)
No, honey, it's not what it looks
like--
She hangs up on him. He holds his head.
RAY:
Oh God ... Ed!
64 INT. HALLWAY
Ed is TIP-TOEING away. He stops when Ray calls him. Ray 'runs
out into the hallway after him. They speak with lowered
voices.
RAY:
That was Shari. She saw the
whole thing on TV--
ED:
What is this? What's going on,
who is that?
RAY:
(embarrassed)
It's the receptionist at one of
equipment -- she's very pretty
and, you know, she never even
talks to me and then today I come
in and she's all "I saw you on TV
the other night... You were so
great ... " Next thing I know
we're ...
ED:
Next thing you know! Why didn't
you stop?
RAY:
Stop? I'm a guy. I don't stop.
The woman's supposed to stop.
We're the gas, they're the
brakes.
WOMAN (O.C.)
(calls out)
Ray, I finished the Snapple.
RAY:
Fine!
WOMAN (O.C.)
Is there more?
RAY:
In the cabinet, but it's warm.
There's ice in the tray. I
(to Ed)
Talk to her.
ED:
I don't even know her. All I
know is she likes Snapple.
RAY:
No, not her. Shari. Go over
there and talk to her
65 INT. CYNTHIA'S BEDROOM
CYNTHIA:
Yes! Go!
She THROWS SOMETHING at the screen.
66 INT. HALLWAY
ED:
Why me?
RAY:
ED:
You brought the girl!
RAY:
Please!
ED:
If I go over to Shari, the
camera's going there, too.
The Camera Operators are vigorously nodding and mouthing "Yes, Go."
Ray is oblivious to this, but Ed picks it up.
RAY:
That's good. She'11 -- you know
control herself. Look. If I go
over there, she's just gonna slam
the door on me. Just go over and
beg her to talk to me, that's
all. Please. You owe me for
this!
Ed accepts the irony of Ray's attitude without comment
67 INT. ANOTHER HALLWAY- NIGHT
The door opens, revealing RITA, Shari's roommate.
RITA:
(nervously)
Um... Shari knew you were coming
over because she saw ...
ED:
Right, yeah --
RITA:
(apologetic)
She really doesn't want you and
ED:
No, I understand. That's -
where is she, is she all right?
Rita isn't sure how much she should reveal.
RITA:
I ... gave her a drink. I thought
it ... but she's not much of a
drinker, so it's made her a
little... belligerent.
Shari appears in the doorway over Rita's shoulder. she's
holding a liquor bottle and she's a little drunk.
SHARI:
What do you want?!
ED:
(awkward)
Shari, I'm just really sorry.
Look, I know this is...
unbelievably awkward, but if I
could come in for like a second
and -- you know -- just say...
two words, then...
Shari indicates with her head, that Ed can come in.
Ed and Carlos enter. Rita shuts the door. Shari crosses to a
couch. Ed indicates for Carlos to give them some distance.
68 INT. CONTROL TRUCK
DIRECTOR:
Don't lose them, Carlos. This is
gold. Stay out of their way, but
get everything.
69 INT. SHARI'S APARTMENT
Carlos settles across the room. He rests the camera down as if
he's not even shooting, but he's still guiding it where he
wants it throughout the scene.
RITA:
I'm gonna go to bed.
(to Shari)
You okay?
Shari shrugs.
RITA (CONT'D)
Good night.
She gives the camera a quick glance.
RITA (CONT'D)
(quickly, with a small
wave)
Hi, Mom.
(she exits)
ED:
Shari, Ray feels --
SHARI:
(starting to cry)
Don't defend that horse's ass to
me.
ED:
I'm not. I'm not. I'm just
Look -- you know, in a way, it's
good. He got this out of his
system now and he knows it's
not worth it and, you know,
someday if you guys got married
or something --
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"Ed TV" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/ed_tv_467>.
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