![Find Ed TV on Amazon](https://www.scripts.com/images/script/467_ed-tv.png)
Ed TV Page #6
- Year:
- 2011
- 407 Views
ED:
Whoa, God bless Ray.
First time I'm off-camera in two
days. This is hard, you know? I'm,
like, exhausted.
ANGLE ON RAY:
He's BALANCING a BAR STOOL on his forehead.
SHARI:
(calmly)
He did that at my parents' house.
ANGLE ON RAY:
As Ray drones on...
RAY:
(selling hard to the
camera)
Okay, I just wanted to get your
attention. My name is Ray and my
friend Bucky and I design video
systems. You've got an office or
a big home, we'11 come out there
design you an entire system.
ED:
See, they should've
picked him. Look how comfortable
he is out there.
ANGLE ON RAY:
SHARI:
He is so wound up. He bought all
new clothes for this.
He flips the BAR STOOL and catches it. He accepts the plaudits of
the crowd. He returns to Ed and Shari. So do the cameras. Ray is
fired-up.
RAY:
Ray is still full of energy.
RAY (CONT'D)
Hey, Ed. Did you hear about
Marcia?
ED:
(worried)
No. What happened?
RAY:
(to the camera)
That's our sister.
(to Ed)
She's got a new boyfriend.
AL AND JEANETTE:
Watching TV.
JEANETTE:
Who?
BACK TO BAR:
RAY:
He's living with her!
ED:
(camera-conscious)
Ray, maybe this isn't ...
RAY:
No, this is great.
(to the camera)
You'll love this.
(to Ed)
He's a singer.
ED:
Marcia's living with a singer?
CUT TO:
RAY:
Yeah. You know,
piano bars. plays the piano
and sings. That's how they met.
SHARI:
He sang to her and they fell in
love?
RAY:
(enjoying this)
No! Some drunk
hit him over the head with his
snifter -- you know, that thing they
keep on the piano for tips -- and
Marcia yanked a big hunk of glass
out of his head.
(cracks up, pounds the
table)
48 INT. MARCIA'S APARTMENT
Marcia is staring at the TV in UNHAPPY SHOCK. Next to her is a good-
looking, but slightly sleazy-looking GUY with a bandage on his
head.
49 INT. BAR
RAY:
I mean my question
is what was she doing in a bar in
the first place?
ED:
Ray --
RAY:
She's an alcoholic,
for Christ's sake.
ED:
Oh, Jesus.
Marcia, watching, HORRIFIED.
BACK TO BAR:
RAY:
Remember the
last guy she got involved with?
What was his name?
ED:
What's the dif --
RAY:
Richie!
(to Shari)
She spent six months dating a criminal
ED:
(to Shari)
She didn't know he was a
criminal. They had a
relationship. They --
RAY:
"Quick pull off the highway" is
not a relationship. Oh man, I
gotta pee.
He KISSES Shari. She COVERS her FACE with her hand.
RAY (CONT'D)
What are you, hiding from the
Police?
(pulls her hands down)
Show your face, you look great.
(to Ed)
Doesn't she look great.
ED:
Great.
RAY:
(to Ed)
While I'm gone, tell them about
our cousin Lenny who's gay. We
knew from when he was five.
He minces off' effeminately, to the bathroom, LAUGHING. It's
like a hurricane has just passed through. Everyone is sitting,
STUNNED.
ED:
You do though, you look great.
SHARI:
Right.
ED:
No, no, I -- as soon as you came
in tonight I said to John, "Boy
Shari looks beautiful." I said
it on TV so you can ask anybody
who saw it.
She LAUGHS. They smile at each other. They make intermittent
eye-contact a little self-consciously.
Ed finally looks somewhere else and Shari, for just a moment,
stares right at him.
PULL BACK to TWO GUYS, watching this on TV in a bar -- more of
a neighborhood bar.
50 INT. BAR - NIGHT
TAD:
Did you see that?
BARRY:
What?
TAD:
Her. That look. She likes the
Ed guy better than she likes the
brother.
BARRY:
You're nuts.
TAD:
Okay, I'm nuts.
WATCHING REAL TV
A BEDROOM:
The COUPLE we met earlier are in bed, the wife is holding the
remote.
HUSBAND:
Give me the remote.
WIFE:
Just a few more minutes. Read
your book.
A LIVING ROOM:
A GAY COUPLE:
FIRST GUY:
What do you like about it? I
don't understand.
SECOND GUY:
I don't know -- it just
it's I don't know. Just let
me watch.
51 INT. ED'S BEDROOM - MORNING
"DAY THREE"
The ALARM goes off. Ed starts to scratch his balls, but stops
halfway down. He WINKS at the camera and starts his day.
52 EXT. EWS BUILDING
Ed comes outside and he's accosted by a GROUP of angry Polish
Americans, many of whom are carrying signs decrying Polish
jokes and anti-Polish attitudes. They SCREAM ANGRILY when they
see Ed. Ed is completely shocked. He runs back inside. He
locks the door, leaving Carlos outside. The demonstrators
attack Carlos.
53 INT. ED'S APARTMENT
Ed is at his kitchen table with several burly DEMONSTRATORS
arrayed behind him. Ed is NERVOUSLY, READING from a sheet of
ED:
... my "Polish acrobat" remark
was ill-considered. Although, I
meant no harm, I should have
recognized that such
(trouble with the next
word)
stigmatizing remarks bring pain
and anguish to...
He's having trouble reading the next word.
ED (CONT'D)
I can't read my own writing.
It's like Chinese --
(quickly backtracking)
It's not like Chinese! Chinese
is, I'm sure, a beautiful
language and they write ...
beautifully. It's not Chinese.
ED (CONT'D)
Jesus, I'm sweating like a
Mexican fruit-picker.
(realizes)
Oh, Christ!
QUICK CUTS of Ed, getting his laundry, doing some shopping,
getting his oil changed, all being shot by a CAMERA PERSON.
54 INT. DENTAL OFFICE
A YOUNG DENTAL HYGIENIST is cleaning Ed's teeth. The camera is
practically right in his mouth. It's making the Hygienist
NERVOUS. She's distracted. She hurts Ed. He SCREAMS. She
SCREAMS. She drops her tools.
HYGIENIST:
(near hysterics)
Can I have some room please?!
ED:
(talking with the
suction in his mouth)
Gi hu roo.
55 INT. TV STUDIO
It's an educational-type panel discussion involving various
eggheads and pundits. It's called "Viewpoint."
MODERATOR:
Let's change topics for a moment.
Does anybody have a viewpoint on
something going on now called "Ed
TV".
PANEL MEMBER #1
This, I believe, is a new low
point in American culture.
PANEL MEMBER #2
I agree. What it reveals is the
absolute creative bankruptcy in
the television business. What
they're saying, basically, is
"We're giving up. We have no
ideas."
PANEL MEMBER #3
It's worse than that! They don't
select someone with any talent,
or with something to say -- they
seem to celebrate the fact that
this guy is a boob. It's a
joyous celebration of boobery.
PANEL MEMBER #4
I think we've already spent far
too much time discussing this.
They all agree.
56 INT. CHINESE RESTAURANT - NIGHT
OPEN ON Ray with chopsticks up his nose, imitating a walrus.
Also, he has lo mein noodles protruding from between his lips.
Ed is forcing a smile. Ray is wearing a tee-shirt that says
"Ray and Bucky- Video Kings" with a phone number.
Cynthia is alone working late. She's drinking. She's watching
Ray. She's not enjoying him.
ED (V.O.)
Ray, don't throw the shrimp,
CYNTHIA:
Choke to death, you boring
bastard.
Ed is sitting up in bed, wearing shorts and a tee-shirt, eating
directly out of a cereal box.
Translation
Translate and read this script in other languages:
Select another language:
- - Select -
- 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
- 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
- Español (Spanish)
- Esperanto (Esperanto)
- 日本語 (Japanese)
- Português (Portuguese)
- Deutsch (German)
- العربية (Arabic)
- Français (French)
- Русский (Russian)
- ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
- 한국어 (Korean)
- עברית (Hebrew)
- Gaeilge (Irish)
- Українська (Ukrainian)
- اردو (Urdu)
- Magyar (Hungarian)
- मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
- Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Italiano (Italian)
- தமிழ் (Tamil)
- Türkçe (Turkish)
- తెలుగు (Telugu)
- ภาษาไทย (Thai)
- Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
- Čeština (Czech)
- Polski (Polish)
- Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Românește (Romanian)
- Nederlands (Dutch)
- Ελληνικά (Greek)
- Latinum (Latin)
- Svenska (Swedish)
- Dansk (Danish)
- Suomi (Finnish)
- فارسی (Persian)
- ייִדיש (Yiddish)
- հայերեն (Armenian)
- Norsk (Norwegian)
- English (English)
Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
Style:MLAChicagoAPA
"Ed TV" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/ed_tv_467>.
Discuss this script with the community:
Report Comment
We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.
If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly.
Attachment
You need to be logged in to favorite.
Log In