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Ed TV Page #5
- Year:
- 2011
- 407 Views
29 INT. PARENTS' HOUSE
Jeanette and Al watching Ed.
JEANETTE:
(being positive)
So far...
30 INT. OFFICE
KEITH:
Somebody shoot me.
31 INT. NETWORK OFFICE
Scharlach, Seaver and McIlvaine watching, grim-faced.
32 INT. OFFICE
Cynthia is ON the PHONE.
CYNTHIA:
Get him out of the house! I want
him moving!
33 INT. CONTROL TRUCK
DIRECTOR:
(on the phone)
Hey, I want him dead, but what can
I do.
34 INT. KITCHEN
Ed is EATING. He peers confused at the camera.
ANGLE ON:
CAMERA OPERATORS. They're signaling Ed to get out.
ANGLE ON ED:
Bewildered, imitating their gestures.
ED:
What... You want me to swim?
35 INT. CONTROL TRUCK
The Director is still on the phone. She's watching Ed on a
monitor.
DIRECTOR:
Oh God...
Ed gets it.
ED:
Oh, out? You want me to go out.
36 EXT. BUILDING
Ed exits the building with the Operators walking backwards in front
of him, bumping into PEOPLE- People watch, curiously.
Ed reaches his car. He takes out his keys and drops them in a muddy
puddle. Disgusted, he fishes them out.
CUT TO:
36A INT. NETWORK BUILDING
Scharlach, watching impassively.
CUT TO:
36B INT. ED'S CAR
Ed, in the car. He can barely fit the key into the ignition. Carlos,
in the passenger seat taps him on the arm. Ed looks up. Carlos holds
up a hastily-made sign. "It's okay. Relax, man." Carlos WINKS. This
does help Ed. He appreciates it. He drives.
WE SEE the control truck in motion. We also see another car
with another Steady-cam OPERATOR, shooting Ed's car as they
travel.
37 EXT. STREET - MONTAGE
Ed is doing his morning errands. A little shopping -- a little
banking -- always ON CAMERA. At one point, he WALKS INTO a
GLASS DOOR with the word "Pull" on it. He pushed,
banging his forehead. A CHILD points to the word "Pull." Ed turns
to the camera, embarrassed. Later he buys a slice of pizza at a
little place that's doing no business.
ED:
(to the camera)
Best pizza in New Jersey.
As he walks down the street, PEOPLE call out "Hey Ed!" People
in windows show him that they're watching him at that exact
moment.
The camera shoots some of the people in the windows. They see
themselves on TV and they go wild. Ed also is confronted by
GUYS grabbing their crotches mockingly, calling out things
like "Hey, Ed, holding your own?" or "Hey, Ed, howls the grand
ballroom." Ed is slightly chagrined by all this, but handles
it with good grace. He seems to be loosening up.
Ed arrives at work. The store is already open. (Ed usually
gets there in the afternoon and stays until closing.)
CUSTOMERS are a little stunned by the arrival of a camera.
Some know what it's about some don't.
The CLERKS are aware of what's going on. They all signed
releases. Ed's BOSS greets him stiffly. Clearly he's trying
to get face-time on camera.
ED:
Hey, Lou.
LOU:
(stiffly)
Welcome to work, Ed.
He shakes Ed's hand and smiles at the camera. He WAVES a little.
The BROOM GUY crosses, staring transfixed at the camera. He
blocks Ed and Lou. He FREEZES, then panics. He tries to get
out of the way and trips over his broom. He tumbles face-first
into the camera lens, hurting himself.
ANGLE ON ED, observing.
ED:
(mutters)
Oh, Jesus, I'm dying.
39 INT. CONTROL TRUCK
DIRECTOR:
Carlos, give him some air, give him
some room. Use a longer lens. We'11
mostly go with the stationary cameras
in here. Less intrusive.
(to the crew in the truck,
sarcastically)
Have any of you
thought about your next career?
A WOMAN is serving dinner. She's watching Ed on TV -- really just
glancing at it. Her HUSBAND is helping her bring the food to the
table.
HUSBAND:
Why are we watching this?
WIFE:
(a little guilty)
No reason. just... I just want to
see what happens.
HUSBAND:
Nothing's gonna happen. He's just...
working.
WIFE:
Oh, come on, they
wouldn't put it on if nothing was
gonna happen.
He changes the channel. She changes it back. He doesn't get it
at all.
RAPID CUTS of VARIOUS PEOPLE around America, watching -- A couple, a
young guy, a woman alone -- ending with a few college-age girls in what
appears to be a dorm room.
ONE GIRL is watching intently. Her roommates are mostly just
hanging around not really watching.
COLLEGE GIRL:
I think he's cute.
one of her roommates glances over to see what she's so excited
about.
41 EXT. STREET - NIGHT
Ed is walking. He passes the little pizza place he touted earlier.
There's a LINE out into the street. The STOREOWNER is working hard -
- deliriously happy. Ed passes, oblivious to what he's created.
42 INT. ED'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
The Camera Operator is shooting Ed in the bathroom CLIPPING his
TOENAILS:
ED:
Some guys work from
the big toe down to the little toe.
Not me. I save the big one for
last. That's the one I really
enjoy. It's thick, it's big, it's
a challenge. Did you ever see old
people's nails?
(makes a disgusted
noise)
43 INT. RAY'S APARTMENT
Ray and Shari watching Ed. Ray is BANGING HIS HEAD on the table.
RAY:
This is not working.
(to Ed on TV)
Come to me!
44 INT. CYNTHIA'S OFFICE - NIGHT
It's late. She's alone. She's ON the PHONE. She's coming apart.
CYNTHIA:
(into phone)
No, I haven't seen the spot
ratings...
(she winces)
As she talks, she tries to LIGHT a CIGARETTE. She's shaking too
much to use her lighter.
CYNTHIA (CONT'D)
(into phone)
I think that's a number
from which we can hopefully, uh...
build...
ANGRY at her lighter, she throws it breaking a window.
CYNTHIA (CONT'D)
I disagree... No, I am not ready
to pull the plug... Yes, Mr.
Scharlach, I know they shoot
horses...
(getting angry)
Look, it's been one day. Can I have
a week with this and then have
you fly up my nose?!
(hangs up)
She immediately regrets her outburst.
45 INT. BAR - NIGHT
Written on the screen -- "Day Two."
OPEN ON TURTLES racing (as only turtles can) across the floor.
The turtles have little plastic men, seated on their backs.
The CROWD CHEERS and SCREAMS for their favorite turtles. Ed is
being followed by the steady-cams but seems to be ignoring it.
Ed is in a group which includes John, and Ray. The race ends
John looks very uncomfortable.
BARTENDER:
The winner... Dashing Danny.
ED:
Next round's on me.
One of the cameras is very close to John. He's very
SELFCONSCIOUS. He doesn't look where he's walking. He
trips. PEOPLE LAUGH.
ED:
(off-hand joke)
Polish acrobat.
RAY:
(loudly)
Hey. Check this out.
(to the cameramen)
Look at this.
Ray TAKES OUT a big stack of QUARTERS and sets them on the bar next
to a SHOT GLASS
46 INT. CONTROL TRUCK
DIRECTOR:
Go with the desperate brother.
47 INT. BAR
The cameras go with Ray. Ray does a "spit the quarters off the bar
into the shot glass" trick, while PEOPLE CHEER.
Ed is standing next to Shari. They're OFF-CAMERA.
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"Ed TV" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/ed_tv_467>.
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