Ed Wood Page #26

NORMA:

(she laughs)

Ah, c'mon! Nobody does all that.

ED:

Two people do. Orson Welles and me.

NORMA:

Wow.

ED:

You know, you're a very attractive

girl.

Norma blushes.

NORMA:

My goodness, you're embarrassing me.

ED:

You shouldn't be embarrassed by the

truth.

(he smoothly sits down)

Mind if I order some hotcakes...?

CUT TO:

INT. CRISWELL'S CADILLAC - NIGHT

Criswell and Paul drive at night. They're dressed-up. SWING

MUSIC plays on the radio.

CRISWELL:

So who's the surprise for?

PAUL MARCO:

I dunno. Ed was real mysterious.

All he'd say was it's a surprise

party.

CRISWELL:

Isn't that like him!

(beat)

And isn't that like us -- that we

show up anyway.

They pull up to a GUARD GATE. They're at a studio.

CRISWELL:

Excuse me. We're here for the Wood

party.

GUARD:

They've rented Stage 12. Drive

straight back.

INT. SOUNDSTAGE - NIGHT

There is another rambunctious party in progress. Crepe paper

streamers hang down. Bela approaches Tor.

BELA:

So what are we doing here?

TOR:

Nobody knows. But there's a lotta

booze.

Suddenly Ed steps into the middle of the room. He's extremely

handsome in his tuxedo, and beaming happily.

ED:

Excuse me! Could everyone please

quiet down?

(the room quiets)

First of all, I want to thank you,

all my good friends, for being here

tonight. And second, if you're

wondering what the big surprise is...

well, TONIGHT I'M GETTING MARRIED!!

The crowd is stunned.

Many people DROP their glasses.

Ed proudly pulls out Norma. She's in a wedding gown.

ED:

Everybody, this is Norma!

ON BELA AND TOR:

They're bewildered. Bela WHISPERS.

BELA:

Who the f*** is she??

TOR:

I never heard of her.

Ed walks over. He hugs Bela.

ED:

And Bela, I want you to be the best

man!

Bela smiles -- trying to hide his total confusion.

DISSOLVE TO:

LATER:

The wedding is in progress. The crowd is seated. A MINISTER

performs the ceremony with Ed and Norma.

MINISTER:

...Norma, do you promise to love,

honor, and cherish...

IN THE CROWD:

Everybody is QUIETLY GOSSIPING.

BUNNY:

I didn't even know he had a

girlfriend.

PAUL MARCO:

(he taps him on the shoulder)

I hear she's an actress who gave him

money.

CONRAD:

Nah, I heard she's his childhood

sweetheart from Poughkeepsie.

CRISWELL:

I predict it's Dolores in a mask.

AT THE ALTAR:

The Minister is speaking to Ed.

MINISTER:

...in sickness and in health, till

death do you part?

ED:

I do.

MINISTER:

(he smiles)

Then I now pronounce you man and

wife.

Ed kisses Norma.

The crowd doesn't applaud. They're too baffled by this whole

event.

DISSOLVE TO:

THE RECEPTION:

Everyone's drinking and dancing. Ed proudly introduces Norma

to his buddies.

ED:

Norma, this is Bela -- Bela, this is

Norma. Norma, this is Tor -- Tor,

this is Norma. Norma, this is Paul

Paul, this is Norma.

PAUL MARCO:

(he can't resist)

So how long have you known Eddie?

NORMA:

(sweetly)

Since Tuesday.

Criswell grabs Ed and pulls him aside.

CRISWELL:

Edward, are you sure you know what

you're doing?

ED:

Yeah. It seems a little crazy, but

sometimes you just know. She's

perfect for me.

Outside, a car HONKS.

ED:

Oop, that's our cue!

(to Norma)

Honey, we gotta go. GOODBYE,

EVERYBODY!

Ed and Norma run out the door. The crowd hurries after them.

OUTSIDE:

Ed and Norma jump into his Nash. It says "Just Married" and is

festooned with dangling tin cans. The car screeches away. The

cans RATTLE NOISILY, then slowly fade into the distance...

CUT TO:

EXT. MOTEL - NIGHT

We're at a desert roadside motel, the San Bernardino Arms. A

"Vacancy" light flashes.

INT. MOTEL ROOM - SAME TIME

Ed excitedly carries Norma over the threshold. He throws her

onto the bed, and they start ardently making out.

NORMA:

Eddie, I'm just a small-town girl.

I've never done this before.

ED:

(kissing her)

Don't worry, I'll teach you.

He helps her remove her wedding dress. She is very shy.

NORMA:

Be understanding. I don't know

anything.

Ed removes his jacket, then gestures to his shirt. Norma

nervously starts unbuttoning it.

Ed bites his lip in anticipation.

Norma opens the shirt... and inside, Ed is wearing a bra!

Norma is horrified.

NORMA:

What the heck is THIS?!!

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