Ed Wood Page #32

KATHY:

Well you tried --

ED:

(angry)

I was a f***in' HACK! I let people

recut the movies, cast their

relatives...

(beat)

I let Bela down...

CUT TO:

EXT. ED'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY

A new Studebaker pulls up. A bumper sticker says "JESUS SAVES"

A man in a plain brown suit steps out. This is J. EDWARD

REYNOLDS, 50, Ed's santironious southern Christian landlord.

Reynolds assertively bangs on Ed's front door.

REYNOLDS:

Mr. Wood?!

ED (O.S.)

Hruphh...?

REYNOLDS:

Mr. Wood, this is Mr. Reynolds, your

landlord. Could you please open up?

The door opens a crack. Bleary Ed peers out.

ED:

Yeah...?

REYNOLDS:

Mr. Wood, you have bounced your third

and final rent check.

ED:

(he sloppily lies)

I'm real sorry. My stockbroker must

have transferred the wrong account...

C'mon in, I'll write you another one.

INT. APARTMENT - SAME TIME

Ed motions Reynolds in. Reynolds peers unsurely at the tornado

inside. Then he notices a framed one-sheet for "BRIDE OF THE

MONSTER." Reynolds admires it.

REYNOLDS:

Hmm, so you're in the picture

business?

ED:

(rummaging for a check)

You could say that --

REYNOLDS:

I'm interested in the picture

business. My associates and I wish

to produce a series of uplifting

religious films, on the Apostles.

But unfortunately, we don't have

enough money.

ED:

(distracted)

Raising money is tough.

REYNOLDS:

Oh! Our church has the money for one

film. We just don't have it for all

twelve...

ANGLE - ED

His eyes suddenly pop.

The color comes back to his fact. A plan is quickly boiling

over inside Ed's head. He starts feverishly pacing around.

ED:

Okay -- you know what you do? You

produce a film in a commercially

proven genre. And after it's a hit,

you take the profits from that, and

make the twelve Apostles' movies.

REYNOLDS:

Would that work?

ED:

Absolutely! You see this script..?

Ed randomly grabs a script off the messy floor, then glances

down, to see which one he picked up. It says "Graverobbers

From Outer Space."

ED:

"Graverobbers From Outer Space"!

It's money in the bank.

REYNOLDS:

Graverobbers from what??

ED:

From outer space! It's science-

fiction. Very big with the kids!

If you make this picture, you'll have

enough money to finance a HUNDRED

religious films!

(beat)

And pay my back rent from the

profits.

Reynolds scratches his head.

REYNOLDS:

I don't know... this is all a lot to

absorb.

ED:

It's a guaranteed blockbuster!

REYNOLDS:

Um, I understand that this science

friction is popular -- but don't the

big hits always have big stars?

ED:

(in a frenzy)

Yeah, well we've GOT a big star!

Bela Lugosi!!

REYNOLDS:

(mystified)

Lugosi??! Didn't be pass on?

Ed grins maniacally. He grabs a SMALL REEL of 35mm film.

ED:

Yes, but I've got the last footage

he ever shot!

REYNOLDS:

Just, it doesn't look like very much.

ED:

It's plenty! It's the acorn that

will grow a great oak. I'll just

find a double to finish his scenes,

and we'll release it as "Bela

Lugosi's Final Film"

A beat. Reynolds stares, intrigued...

CUT TO:

INT. ED'S APARTMENT - LATER

The place is cleaned-up. Ed shouts excitedly into the phone.

ED:

Bunny! We're making another film!

Yeah -- I got the Baptist Church of

Beverly Hills to put up the cash!

Paul sticks his head in.

PAUL MARCO:

Ed, I got the Lugosi lookalikes

outside.

ED:

Great! Bring 'em in! Bunny, I gotta

run.

Ed hangs up.

Paul leads in THREE. They look nothing like Bela. One is

a HOMELESS BUM, one is a SHORT FAT MAN, and one is CHINESE.

Ed inspects them.

ED:

Too tall... too short...

(he glances at the Chinese guy)

And this guy doesn't work at all.

PAUL MARCO:

Well I was thinkin' like, when Bela

played "Fu Manchu."

ED:

That was Karloff.

(beat)

Paul, you gotta try harder. I don't

want this film to be haif-assed.

This time, we go for the quality.

Paul turns to go.

ED:

And by the way, keep Sunday free.

The producers want all of us to get

baptized.

CUT TO:

INT. KATHY'S APARTMENT - DAY

Kathy reads a newspaper while knitting an angora sweater. Ed

is typing deliriously fast -- in one of his artistic fevers.

ED:

You know, when you rewrite a script,

it just gets better and better!

KATHY:

Do you want your buttons on the left

or the right?

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