Eddie Page #4

- Okay.

I understand.

All right.

Let's get something straight: I am not

here to clean up your horse sh*t...

or to play second fiddle

to some circus freak that you created.

Price of showmanship, Mr. Bailey.

To you, maybe.

To me, this is the N.B.A.

And I don't like being embarrassed

or having my team embarrassed.

Well, now, I kinda thought

it was my team.

You wanna know somethin'?

You're right.

You're exactly right.

It is your team.

And I'm the coach of that team,

a coach with a very large contract.

I'm here to tell you that if you pull

another stunt like that, I'm walkin'.

Did you see the papers today,

Mr. Bailey?

The fans love this little girl,

the press loves this little girl

Let me tell you somethin', Wild Bill

or Buffalo Bill or whatever it is

that you call yourself--

that doesn't impress me,

and you don't impress me

Well, you know, I'm gonna tell you

what impresses me--

the fact that the papers said

nothing whatsoever about you today

That's a smart fella He left

just in time I was about to fire him

To fire him you'll have to pay him

$12 million a year for three years

Oooh-wee

How much is it gonna

cost me if he quits?

Ladies and gentlemen,

can I have your attention, please?

- I have a special announcement to make

- What do you want, cowboy?

Miss Edwina Franklin, come on down!

You did get a phone number

- Aaaaah!

- [ Cheering, Whistling ]

You know, Mr Burgess, I might just

walk out of here right now

Well, don't let the door hit ya

where the Good Lord split ya

Bubba

Get out of my way

- You want us to play for her?

- I can't work under these conditions

- I'd hate to lose you too, Mr Zimmer

- Oh, no, I wasn't saying that

I was just commenting

on the, uh-- you know--

Stacy Patton's ass

ain't playin' for no woman

How much does Stacy Patton's ass make

per game, if you please?

Uh, $43,000

Forty-three thousand dollars?

[ Burgess ] Anybody else's ass

not playin' tonight, huh?

- Ivan make basket

- Well, then, Ivan make money

I'm glad we all agree, gentlemen

Coach Zimmer's gonna take care

of the basketball

That little lady's just gonna

hop up and down, make a big

scene, make the folks happy

Now, you give me

some focus, huh?

You give me a victory

Win one for the Gipper

Okay? Get back in there

Come on

Forty-three thousand dollars?

- That's a lot of money

- They pay him a dollar a shot?

- Who's the Gipper?

- Damn, you're stupid

Hi, Eddie!

How are ya?

- Am I Honorary Coach again?

- Well, sort of Here she is, folks!

- [ Cheering Continues ]

- [ Claudine ] Oh, my God!

Now, I'm afraid I have

another announcement for you

John Bailey has resigned

as head coach

- [ Fans Gasping, Murmuring ]

- Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

[ Laughing ] Yeah!

So let me introduce you to our head

coach for tonight-- Miss Eddie Franklin

Aaaaaah!

- Aaaaaah!

- Yes!

This is the greatest thing

that's ever happened to me,

and it didn't even happen to me

There's nothin' in the rule book

- You wanna file a protest, be my guest

- You're damn right I will!

They're all yours, Coach

Hoo-hoo-hoo!

Ha-ha-ha!

Hi! The Knicks Look at you

You're the real--

You know, I've been a fan for--

I've seen a million games

I've been watching you

since college I've been

watching you since high school

My dad was a Knicks fan

My husband, who I met right up there

wearing your jersey

even when he was in the hospital all he

wanted to do was watch the Knicks game

- I can't believe that you guys

are here! I can't stand it!

- [ Horn Blows ]

- Whoo!

- [ Marv Albert ]

Well, history is being made tonight

- here at Madison Square Garden

- Okay, that's--

- where Miss Eddie Franklin

- We're playin' now!

- is taking over for Coach John Bailey

- Zim! What's up, buddy?

- Now, I've seen surprises

in the world of sports

- Kickin' booty! Let's go!

- but never have I seen

the likes of this

- Come on, man!

A fan coming out of the stands

to take the reins

of an N B A team

What an amazing development!

Pick, Bobby, pick!

Switch! Switch!

[ Fans Groaning ]

- What the hell was that?

- Don't tell me, tell him

Maybe a little louder

next time

- Hey, man, that your mama?

- No, man, that's the coach

[ Players Chattering ]

Hey, hey!

Mouse in the house!

I got a little one! Here we go!

Here we go! Whoo! Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah! Oh, no!

Here we go!

Come on, baby,

you got the right idea

What's the matter, Coach?

Cat got your tongue?

To think I used to like him

You got him, you got him!

"D" him up, baby! Take it low!

Stace, Stace!

I'm open, baby!

Here we go!

Let's roll, let's roll!

Come on, man!

Are you ever gonna give it up?

It was a good shot, man!

Come on, bust out!

Bust it out! Let's go!

- Finish it, Terry!

- Go!

- Yes!

- [ Player ] How about that travel, Ref?

Go to town, baby

Pick up!

Pick up your man!

Defense!

- Defense! Defense!

- [ Fans Responding ] Defense! Defense!

[ Eddie, Fans Continue Chanting ]

Defense! Defense!

- Defense! Defense!

- [ Fans Responding ] Defense!

Another loss seems imminent

for the struggling New York Knicks

who don't seem to listen to

their replacement coach

any more than their

former coach John Bailey

Stacy, what are your thoughts

on the game tonight?

Stacy Patton don't do interviews

[ Players Murmuring ]

It just didn't seem like the team

was playing as a cohesive unit

Was there just lack of focus?

You got a guy takin' 38 shots and

makin' eight? No wonder the coach quit

And we got a Rasta runnin' along

the sidelines acting like a coach now

- It's a circus

- Howdy, folks

- [ Burgess ] I brought you

a little present

- Eddie Eddie

- Eddie, I'm from People Magazine

- [ Reporters Chattering ]

What is your previous

coaching experience?

[ Reporters Shouting

Questions Simultaneously ]

- Sir, can I have a word with you?

- Certainly, Mr Zimmer

- Excuse me, please

- Uh, yeah

- This is it?

- That's every coach that's available

It's an awful short list What is this,

their social security numbers?

- Uh, no, that's how much

they each made last year

- Mmm Thanks

- It must've been great

to be at the helm

- What's next for you now?

- How does it feel to be a woman?

- Good!

How did you like

your performance tonight?

- All right, boys

Leave the little lady alone

- [ Talking Continues ]

She's kinda shy

- [ Talking Continues ]

- Wild Bill, how are you gonna

turn this team around?

The Knicks need a coach now!

Are you gonna hire

a college coach, Wild Bill?

Quit-- Quit pushin'

and scratchin'

[ Reporters Quiet ]

Like we say back home, no amount

of plannin' can replace dumb luck

I just got me the biggest piece of luck

I ever had:
I found my new coach

- Well, who is he?

- What's his name?

- Eddie

- Say what?

- Eddie who?

- [ Eddie ] I can't do this

- [ Bill] Yes, you can

I cannot take a real

N B A team on the road!

- Do the guys know what you're--

Does the N B A know what--

- Can I ask you somethin'?

Do you still think

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