El Camino Christmas Page #3

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You got your cereal.

That's his name?

Dennis McClarty.

All right, you can have one piece.

Dennis the dental hygienist, wow.

Yeah.

I hope he's better at cleaning teeth

than he is at the hokey-pokey.

- I thought I smelled bacon.

- Good morning.

Mm!

- Ooh, you brushed your teeth this morning.

- Oh, well...

Your little talk scared the snot outta me.

I'm gonna floss like I'm getting paid

for it.

You be true to your teeth,

they'll never be false to you.

Hi, Dennis McClarty.

- Kate.

- Kate, that's a nice name.

Who's this little guy, huh?

Oh, he's the silent type, this one.

Oh, well, silence is golden.

Okay, I'll be back in a couple hours.

Couple hours?

- Well, Dennis and I were gonna go bowling.

- Yeah.

But you did that last night.

- Oh, we didn't make it.

- Make it.

- We can take the little guy.

- Sure.

- You like to bowl?

- We'll take Seth bowling.

- Right?

- Oh, come on.

Why you shaking your head?

Mother of a b*tch! Oh!

Baby Jesus.

Sh*t.

Jesus.

Hey. Hey!

Get up. Come on, get up.

Hey, put your arm down.

I'm not gonna hurt you. Sit up.

Listen...

you had a bag of pot.

Okay? That's a fact.

And you had some booze.

And a bad credit card.

As an officer of the law,

there's a lot to go on there.

Now, in your defense,

my partner got pretty rough,

and I'm sorry about that. Okay?

That's not how we do things here.

We're all in hot water now,

so here's what's gonna happen.

I'm gonna go into the restroom,

over yonder.

See that?

I'm gonna put these keys,

your car keys, right there.

And this is open. This is gonna be open.

And I'm gonna be in the restroom.

We clear?

Hey, I'm gonna be in there

for quite a while.

When do you get off duty?

Been on duty my whole life.

Every waking hour.

It's been a long-ass night.

You drinking that now?

- Ain't it early?

- That's what I was thinking. It is...

No, I mean a little early

for stupid questions.

You been listening?

It's been a long night.

I been listening. I just been thinking,

you shouldn't drink on the job,amigo.

Maybe you should mind your own sh*t life.

And I'll mind mine.

That's all I got.

I'll catch you later.

Yes, sir.

Glad to help

law enforcement get through the day.

Yeah, yeah. Feliz Navidad.

Ain't that what you people say?

S, seor.

O, little town of Bethlehem

How still we see thee lie

What'd he want?

What he always wants.

Vicente, you can't let him run

all over you like that.

He won't be around much longer.

His demons are catching up to him.

How's my man doing?

Santa Claus came

to Vicente's early this year.

Go on. Open it.

Oh, what is it?

Oh...

I got some batteries in the back.

Go get 'em, huh? Come on.

The f***?

We got married in a Walmart

Down by the Wrangler jeans

Sh*t.

Billy, Billy come in.

Billy, where are you?

Got a lot of things

Down at the Walmart

Things like trampolines

Get over, get over!

Get over, now!

Sh*t!

Yes, I'm a ballerina

A ballerina

Sh*t!

What the f***?

A ballerina on the lam

We got married in a Walmart

Down by the franks and beans

Killed a guy in Texas

Makin' love

And then we're makin' bacon

Just wipe down the Foreman grill

Lookee there, Bocephus, over yonder

That's where your pappy was killed

Yes, I'm a ballerina, a ballerina

Ballerina on the lam

Ballerina, ballerina

Ballerina, ballerina

Damn you.

Billy, God damn you, Billy.

Billy, I swear to God, I'll kill you.

One day, you're gonna die,

and I ain't gonna give a sh*t.

I swear on your mother.

Clue me in how that little son of a b*tch

got outta jail. Clue me in!

- Merry Christmas, Larry.

- Yeah, spare me.

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Beer's not cold.

Well, I am used to struggle.

Ah, sh*t.

Sh*t.

How about the Jack, the Seven, and give me

that last Wild Turkey you have,

and give me a half dozen

of your daily scratchers.

Why don't you find yourself a good lady?

You wouldn't need all this liquor, Larry.

This is how it works.

I give you money, you give me booze.

It's just simple capitalism.

- Why don't you grab a six-pack, on me?

- No sh*t?

Trying to spread some cheer, bro.

Look at that.

It's a Merry Christmas after all.

Shots fired!

Shots fired

at Vicente's Liquor Mart!

Billy, get your ass over here!

I can't get it to work.

Get down! Get down!

- Seth!

- Keep your head down!

Ah, sh*t!

Goddamn! What did you do that for?

It's military, a**hole.

You fire a gun at me, I'm gonna fire back.

I wasn't shooting at you!

- We got a fugitive right there.

- No, no, no, no.

Your partner let me go.

Yeah, you tell that to the judge.

And you... you, hey! Hey! You're going

to jail for attempted murder.

I aimed at your goddamn leg,

I hit you in the goddamn leg.

That's what it looks like

when someone's not trying to kill you.

- Hey, put that away.

- No, no, no, no!

I ain't putting it down! Shut the f*** up!

- Put it away!

- No!

You listen, you're in deep sh*t.

You got that?

Now, you let everyone go,

- and I promise you due process of law.

- I'm not holding anybody.

Yeah, this is some f***ed-up sh*t.

Look, I'm done.

I'm out of this.I'm out of this.

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, we don't want

a hostage situation here.

God damn...

you.

Listen, I've got backup coming.

You calm down

and we will talk this out.

Oh, sh*t.

- Sheriff's Department!

- F***.

What's going on?

- Put that sh*t down and crawl outta here.

- I ain't putting it down!

- Put it down and get out! Now!

- How the hell am I supposed to get out?

God damn it! How am I supposed to move?

- Sh*t. Sh*t.

- Damn, damn. Listen.

Hell's going on?

Shut these blinds before RoboCop

out there fires another warning shot.

- Close the blinds!

- Now! Go!

- What's Carl doing all over the radio?

- It was shots fired, Sheriff!

I know that, Billy!

- Who the hell's firing?

- Get him away from the door.

Okay. But I'm not an accessory, man.

Carl was after a suspect.

Could be this kid we picked up.

Who'd you pick up? Are you two

playing cops and robbers again?

Billy.

- You're holding us here?

- Everyone shut up!

Just... just shut up and sit down.

- I just need a minute to think.

- It's okay, honey.

Now, do we know exactly who's in there?

Not exactly, sir.

I believe there's Carl.

Hey, stop it.

Come here. God damn it!

Probably likely Vicente.

And then, I'm guessing,

the kid we picked up. I think.

Or not.

- What's the plan?

- I'm gonna go in back.

Okay, okay.

Okay, okay.

I got you.

Criminal punk bastard.

- Will you just shut the f*** up?

- You shut the f*** up!

- Stop pointing that.

- Where are your handcuffs?

Go to hell! God! Sh*t!

Get 'em out. Get 'em out!

Everybody be cool!

Put your handcuffs on!

- Is there a back way out?

- A window, but you won't fit through it.

Nobody moves, okay? Okay?

God damn it!

Come out with your hands up!

You're... mostly surrounded!

Freeze!

- Sh*t!

- Shots fired! Shots fired!

Oh, sh*t!

God damn it.

Taking fire, Sheriff! Taking fire!

Returning fire!

Damn it.

Sheriff taking fire.

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