Elektra Luxx Page #5

You should have seen Eleanor,

strutting past these gardeners

like she has a bell for an ass.

Puts these guys in a trance. Leaves

blowing all over the driveway.

It's a sickness

with that girl.

The second I saw her,

she just knocked the

architecture right out of my legs.

- Love.

- Love.

When we're not in love, we're

miserable wishing we were in love.

And when we are in love, we're

miserable that love isn't enough.

You said it.

It's not like

we don't have enough information.

Every song and book and movie

out there is about love.

Still, it fucks up

just about everybody.

You don't have a sister by chance?

I do, actually.

- Cute?

- Twin, identical.

No kidding.

Like in that movie you did?

How would you know?

You've never seen my work.

That's okay.

I was a little offended.

So, what does she do?

She's a criminal.

The irony is she never got caught

doing anything when we were kids.

I was always grounded, mostly

for chasing the neighbor's chickens

till they passed out.

You look like crap.

How are you holding up?

I wanted to bring you a book,

but they wouldn't let me,

so I brought plain old cash.

They don't allow books.

You can dip a page in acid, sell off

little squares for a bunch of money.

I keep trying your lawyer. He never

calls me back. Is he doing anything?

He's a goofball. He says they'll

move me, and that's a good thing.

- What about the appeal?

- Tell me about Hollywood.

Is it decadent and wonderful?

I don't really know.

I work in the Valley.

But there's an endless supply

of empty warehouses.

You're getting

more and more famous.

- Yeah, I guess.

- Don't be so modest.

Staff members started

taking my picture while I shower.

- They can do that?

- They do whatever they want.

- Oh, I'm so sorry.

- I don't mind so much.

They just sort of stand there,

stare, drool and leave.

You're not spending it

all up your nose?

No.

Look at me.

Trying to be a good example.

- You eating?

- Yeah. You?

Get up every morning at 5:30

for breakfast.

It's either pancakes with no syrup,

French toast with no syrup,

three kinds of eggs,

or sh*t on a shingle.

That's chipped beef and gravy

on toast.

We got lima beans

three times a day.

The Honor Ranch planted

a bumper crop of lima beans,

so we got them

coming out of our ears.

Lima-bean stew, in Jell-O,

creamed lima beans.

Jesus H.

You got a big following

with the Mexican girls.

They even asked me to make a movie

in here, but I turned them down.

- Did they try anything?

- They tried.

I had a couple of them.

The lisp is a bit of a magnet.

It gets worse when I get nervous.

- You can barely hear it.

- It's okay.

The cost of doing business

around here.

- Celia.

- They put me in the quiet room.

Eight days one time,

No matter who you think you are,

you never get used to that.

I gotta get you out of here.

Don't kid yourself. I'm not getting

out of here for a couple of years.

But when I do,

I am never coming back.

I'm moving to some beach somewhere

away from all the a**holes.

I wanna drink myself silly,

eat shrimp cocktail

and get my nipples tanned

in the breeze.

[DOOR BUZZES]

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

- Oh, you hear about the old man?

- No.

Mom wrote saying the cocksucker

died last Christmas.

Heart attack.

Might've made it, but the ambulance

taking him to the hospital

ran a red light, got plowed

by a truck, finished him right off.

Like someone up there wanted

to make sure the job was done.

Celia.

Good riddance, huh?

Yeah.

Wasn't so bad.

So she ever get out?

Three years ago. Haven't

heard from her since.

Oh, hey, this is yours.

You can use my phone.

Call the locksmith.

Yeah, well, it's already

been like 30 minutes and...

Okay, I see.

Yeah, will do.

Thank you.

Mm-mm.

Can I ask you something?

You can ask.

What if I showed you

what a good neighbor I can be?

Then you should go.

What if I refuse?

I have a gun under my bed.

Prove it.

[C*CKS GUN]

Go home to your wife, slick.

- I didn't mean anything by it.

- I know.

And please leave the robe.

- Can I ask you something else?

- You can ask.

When you look at Eleanor, does she

strike you as the cheating type?

No.

You think maybe I'm just imagining

all this stuff with the gardener?

I hope so.

[ELECTRONIC MUSIC

PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

What is this?

- What are you doing? No.

- Just let me finish this song.

- No.

- Olive, Olive.

- No.

- Back off!

- I'm fulfilling my manifest destiny.

- Back off!

OLIVE:

No! Get off!

MICHAEL:

To the good life.

GEORGE:
Yeah.

BAMBI:
Thank you.

- You made it.

- Please, come sit.

- How are you feeling?

- Much better. Thank you.

I am Michael Ortiz.

- I'm George.

- Holly.

You know,

you're a lot taller in person.

And you must be

the adventure capitalists.

Now, how is that different

from regular capitalists?

- That's very clever.

- You are funny.

- She's funny.

- I'm funny.

MICHAEL:
Would you like

something to eat or drink?

- Oh, yeah, let's take a look.

- All right.

- I didn't know you wore glasses.

- I'm blind as a bat.

I have a water retention problem

around my ankles. Ever get that?

It feels like there's an alien

under your skin. It's not intestinal.

Did Bambi tell you

what she's been going through?

- Is your stomach bothering you?

- I'm feeling fine.

She was up all night

with Montalban's revenge.

MICHAEL:

You mean Montezuma's?

After that actor from

Fantasy Island, right?

She's making another joke.

It's all these beans

these Mexicans serve.

Thank God I don't have

a problem with gas.

Bring me beans and beer,

everybody steer clear.

- Holly.

- Yes?

Come with me to the ladies' room.

- I don't have to go.

- Keep me company.

I just got here.

Did Bambi tell you about her

grandmother Lupita yet?

- No.

- I don't think they wanna hear this.

Why not?

You go take a piss

and I'll tell them the story.

Do you know that Bambi's real name

is Bambola de la Concepcion Paradis?

It is not.

- You're of Spanish descent?

- Half Spanish.

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

Just the really

filthy words like that.

Yeah, the only Spanish that I know is

mas cerveza and grande frijol.

"Big bean," it means.

Do you know that?

Don't look like you have a big bean.

- Holly.

- There's only one way to find out.

Anyway, Bambi's grandmother

was a total babe

in the South African nation of, um...

- What was it again?

- South America.

- Yeah, where was she from?

- Venezuela.

She won Miss Venezuela

like two or three times

and caught the eye of a general.

And these Hispanics are constantly,

I don't know, changing dictators

and overthrowing

governments and...

I don't know why I'm telling you.

You guys are both from "Hispain."

So anyway, this general had

a real hard-on for Lupita,

a young poet's wife.

He sent her elaborate gifts,

which she returned

until finally, he had her husband

arrested on fake charges

and then she made an appointment

to see him.

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