Elektra Luxx Page #8

that you're actually starting

to like it.

Rest assured it's all an act.

Well, that's what you say.

- Who else is gonna say it?

- Now you're just trying to confuse me.

Because you know it's an act.

You're trying to hurt my feelings.

How do I know that?

How do you know that?

Because you know me better

than anybody, Holly.

You're my best friend.

- Am I?

- What is that supposed to mean?

Friends aren't supposed

to be embarrassed of each other.

- Who says I'm embarrassed?

- Nobody.

I'm the one

who's embarrassed.

You're embarrassed of me?

You've got a lot of nerve.

You can be embarrassed of me

but I can't be of you?

- I never said I was.

- You don't have to. I can tell.

Oh, stop it. It's not true.

Your word against mine.

Why would I

be embarrassed?

Because I'm not the sharpest stool

in the shed.

Where does it say I wanna hang out

with the sharpest tool in the shed?

"Tool," sorry.

No need to apologize.

So you struggle with big words.

Big deal.

"Tool" is not a big word.

Well, it's not an everyday word.

Unless you work

at a hardware store.

Maybe I should get tested.

Tested for what?

To see if I'm acoustic.

- Autistic?

- That.

Holly, you're not autistic.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I never understand

what anybody's talking about.

It's like the entire world got handed

an instruction manual except for me.

I think sometimes

you're easily distracted.

Mostly around you.

What do you mean?

- I think I'm distracted by you.

- Great. It's my fault again.

Not like that.

It's just because you're...

You're so pretty and smart

and generous and funny and kind.

Well, I'm not all that kind.

I know how much patience it takes

to hang around me. I do.

I love you, Bambi.

I love you too.

Okay.

What do you say

we take a deep breath,

we go back out there

and we show these guys...

No, not like I like you, I mean...

Which I do.

I'm in love with you.

I know you don't feel

the same way,

but I couldn't go on another second

without telling you.

- I think you're a little drunk.

- I've never been this sober in my life.

Holly, we're not even gay.

- Neither are you.

- That's my point.

No, it's not about being

straight or gay, okay? I just...

Yeah, I love you.

I've never been clearer

about anything.

- This is ridiculous.

- I know.

Are you serious?

But I mean... I don't under...

I mean, this is retarded.

What are we supposed to do,

go out on a date?

Maybe.

So you wanna

have sex with me?

I mean, I dream about it

almost every night.

Holly, you're making me blush.

I'm telling you the truth.

So the dream about the pony?

I'm afraid of ponies.

But I am wet

with indecent happiness for you.

- Really?

- Really.

- What about men?

- What about them?

I'm gonna need penis

once in a while.

- Who doesn't?

- Who doesn't?

Look, I'm not saying yesterday

I'm sucking c*cks like a madwoman,

and today I forgot

about the whole thing, it's just...

The person that I wanna be with

night and day is you.

The rest will sort itself out.

- This is crazy.

- I know.

- It doesn't make sense.

- Doesn't have to.

No, we might really regret this

in the morning.

I don't care. I don't care.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

Sorry, I couldn't wait

any longer.

My mother-in-law's

probably cracking jokes

about how it's taking

me so long in here.

"Beans, beans, beans.

What is this country's obsession

with putting beans in everything?"

- Howdy, partner.

- Hey.

Where's your mom?

She dropped me off.

She was late for a date.

- By the way, your elevator is broken.

- Still?

How was your day?

Disaster. You?

Same.

What happened?

Just perfected a skill for

pissing everybody off these days.

A skill is a skill. Don't knock it.

- Smoke?

- I thought you quit?

Another resolution I couldn't keep.

Thank you.

I tracked down my dad.

He's in Arizona State serving

a nickel stretch on a robbery charge.

Are you gonna visit him?

I'm gonna start with a letter,

go from there.

Yeah, that's a sensible thing to do.

Fathers are way complicated.

Can I ask you something?

Anything.

If you only retain 23 percent of what

you learn in high school, what's it for?

It's like a test run for life.

You know, how to deal with people.

- Mean people.

- Mostly mean people.

- Were you popular in high school?

- I was a total misfit till I was a senior,

...then I got a little too popular.

- What changed?

I was a late developer.

Intellectually speaking.

You are a riot.

Look, I know you've

heard this before,

but if you peak in high school,

you're done.

The less you fit in now, the better

chance you have at a happy life.

What was your day disaster?

- Totally child inappropriate.

- Sex, drugs, murder?

- No drugs involved.

- Jesus!

Are the cops gonna come

busting in any second?

[BANGING ON DOOR]

That's freaky.

Probably your mom

forgot something.

Mrs. Turner?

TURNER:
Do you realize

your elevator isn't working?

ELEKTRA:

Yes, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to bother you at home.

May I come in?

ELEKTRA:
Um, of course.

- All right.

Charlotte, this is my friend

Mrs. Turner.

No. No, it isn't.

Charlotte.

This is Rebecca Linbrook.

I've read all your novels.

Aren't you

a little young for them?

Rebecca Linbrook,

the mystery writer?

- That's me.

- I read one of your books.

The one that got turned into that movie

with what's-his-name as the detective.

Alan Rickman. The ending was

way better in the book.

Have to agree with you there,

young lady.

Why did you tell me

your name was Mrs. Turner?

Well, uh, may I?

Yes.

You have to understand I haven't

done my own research for years.

I usually hire someone else

to do it for me.

But there was something

intriguing about your ad.

The ad in the paper

about your class.

And I felt compelled

to check it out myself.

I'm not sure I follow.

She's been coming to your class

posing as a student

to write a character based on you.

- You have?

- In so many words.

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Well, awful, I should think,

when I tell you what sort of character

I was looking for.

What sort of character?

Something lurid, I bet.

A fallen woman.

A future murder victim, perhaps?

Charlotte, please.

A desperate woman

on a downward spiral.

She was once

a very famous adult-film star.

Now she's being cast in mother roles

which, of course, her ego can't take,

so she decides to start a class

at a community center,

unwittingly attracting a stalker

with ties to her past.

I never got cast in mother roles.

Maybe he's a jilted ex-boyfriend or the

deformed janitor at her old high school.

- She has a twin she never talks about.

- I have a twin sister.

- I spoke with her.

- You spoke with my sister?

I always wanted a twin sister.

I used to check under my bed.

- I didn't tell her what it was about.

- Why did you speak with my sister?

- Like I said, character background.

- I think you better go now.

Oh, no, no, no. There's no reason

to be scared or uncomfortable.

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