Elf Page #5

My people estimate we're gonna post

A minus eight for this quarter.

A minus eight! That does not happen!

You know, we'll... we'll bounce back, we...

No, no, no. No? Well...

We're gonna ship a new book

The first quarter.

First quarter?

I'm gonna be back in town on the 24th.

At that time, I would love to hear

In exact detail

What your plans are for this new book.

Uh, wait a minute, the, uh the 24th, that's Christmas eve.

And?

And, uh...

No problem. Be great to have you in the loop.

[School bell rings]

[Michael:
] All right, I got every weapon in the game.

I got full health, I got full armor.

Michael!

I got full...

Michael!

It's me buddy!

You know that guy?

No, I've never seen him before.

It's me buddy! Your brother!

Oh, man.

No, Michael! Wait! It's your brother bud...

[Tires screech]

Sorry. Sorry! Horn honks

Michael! Michael!

Michael!

Michael, wait up!

Michael! Michael!

Wow, you're fast.

I'm gladi caught up with you.

I waited five hours for you.

Why is your coat so big?

So, good news... I saw a dog today.

Have you seen a dog? You probably have.

How was school? Was it fun?

Did you get a lot of homework, huh?

Do you have any friends?

Do you have a best friend?

Does he have a big coat, too?

Go away!

Ow! Son of a nutcracker!

Run!

[Boy:
] Get him! Get the green guy!

[Boys cheering]

Oh, no. These guys are bad news.

We better get outta here.

You know what? We can take 'em.

Okay, just start making as many snowballs as you can.

[Grunts] You ready?

Let's go. Aah! Ow.

Ow!

[Boy:
] Run!

[Crying]

[Michael:
] Oh, man. One got away.

Snowball.

[Kid:
] Unh!

Wow.

Where did you say you were from?

Oh, yeah

Candles burning low

Lots of mistletoe

Lots of snow and ice everywhere we go

Choirs singing carols right outside my door

All these things and more

I wish dad were here.

Why?

'Cause he's the greatest dad in the whole wide world.

Are you kidding?

He's the worst dad in the world.

What do you mean?

All he does is work.

Working's fun.

Not the way he does it.

All he cares about is money.

He doesn't care about you, or me, or anybody.

Well, he is on the naughty list.

You like her?

Like who?

The girl you're staring at.

Oh, uh...

Yeah.

Why don't you ask her out?

Out?

You know, on a date... to eat food.

Food?

Yes, real food, not candy.

And if she says yes, you're in.

It's like a secret code girls have.

Well, look who it is.

Hi, Jovie. Hi.

Oh, uh, this is Michael.

I'm his brother.

Hi.

So, what are you doing here?

Did gimbel's give you your job back?

No. But things worked out pretty good.

They gave mea restraining order.

Well, um, you should probably get outta here.

Ho ho ho!

But... I really wanted to see you,

And... and I think you're beautiful, and I, um...

I feel really warm when I am around you,

And, um, my tongue swells up.

So...

Do you wanna go eat food?

Do I... do I wanna eat food?

Mm-hmm.

You know, uh, the code... food.

Well, I just had my lunch break.

Oh, okay. I understand.

But I'm free on Thursday.

Thursday! Thursday!

Come on. That'd be great.

All right.

[Buddy:
] Was that okay?

You did great, man.

What should we put on it first?

Lights! Oh, good.

And then, after that?

Ornaments! Ornaments, okay.

What the hell's that?

[Michael:
] A Christmas tree.

A Christmas tree?

Buddy chopped it down in the park.

Emily.

I don't know what you're making such a big deal about.

They were just having a little fun.

Oh, fun? So felonies are fun now?

I thought, see, felonies were felonies.

Okay, the tree thing was bad.

I'll get him to plant another one.

But at least Michael is happy for once.

What, uh, what's that supposed to mean?

Well, I don't think it's any secret, Walter,

That you haven't exactly been there for him.

I'll tell you what, why don't we just

Pull him outta school and let the, uh,

Deranged elf man raise him?

Then they can have lots of fun committing felonies.

How are we gonna get the star on top?

I got it.

I mean, what are we gonna do?

We can't... we can't leave him alone here.

He's gonna destroy the place.

Why don't you, um...

Why don't you take off tomorrow?

You know, and you could stay home and watch him?

Oh, no. No, I can't stay home tomorrow,

I have a budget meeting tomorrow.

Well, honey, I can't take off,

I'm one... one bad pitch away

From getting fired... one.

Well, I tell you what, I have an idea then.

Why don't you take buddy to work with you?

[Elevator chimes]

Hey, Walter. Morning, jack.

Morning, jack.

Oh, good morning, Mr. Hobbs.

Good morning, Sarah. Good morning, Sarah.

That's a nice purple dress. It's very purple-y

Francisco. How's it going, Mr. Hobbs?

Francisco, that's fun to say..." Francisco."

[Gasps]

Hi! Hi.

Do you remember me?

I do. I didn't recognize you.

I know, I'm in work clothes.

Thank you, Deborah.

Thanks, deb.

Deb, you have such a pretty face.

You should be on a Christmas card.

You just made my day.

Eww.

Buddy. Hmm?

You don't have to drink that.

Thank you.

Francisco.

Francisco.

Francisco.

Francisco.

Buddy?

[Whispers am I too loud?]

Just... just a little.

[Sorry.]

Yes, bud?

Why is your name on the desk?

I bought the desk.

My name's there so no one steals it.

That's a joke, isn't it, dad?

Yeah, buddy, that's a joke.

So, what are we gonna build?

No, uh, we don't do

That kind of work here, pal.

[Phone rings]

Buddy the elf, what's your favorite color?

Put that down. Hello?

Hello? Dial tone

Please, don't touch anything.

Sorry.

Hey...

Bud, have you... have you...

Have you ever seen a mailroom?

A mailroom? No.

No? No.

Oh, I mean, wow.

Wow... listen, it's a place where mail

From all over the world comes,

Uh-huh. And they sort it out there, see?

And you can touch it all,

And they put it in these shiny bins.

Shiny bins? Right.

What do ya think? It sounds great.

Good.

Can we go there?

Well, um...

I gotta work here, maybe... maybe you can work there.

Okay, I'll work there.

[Rap music playing]

Oh, I don't think this is the place

My dad was talking about.

Is there a different mailroom?

No. This is the only one.

It's not very shiny.

Now... over here's the trench.

All the mail comes out that shooter.

Scan and find the floor each piece is moving to.

Put it in a canister

And shove it up the tube with the same number.

You got that?

I think so.

This place reminds me of Santa's workshop.

Except it smells like mushrooms,

And everyone looks like they wanna hurt me.

Uh, greenway's coming in tomorrow,

So, what... what do we got?

Well, Morris and I have been brainstorming,

And we've come up with what I think

Is a pretty big idea.

Great, what?

You're gonna love it, it's fantastic.

What?

Okay, picture this...

We bring in miles finch.

The miles finch?

The golden ghost.

We bring him in!

He's written more classics than dr. Seuss.

I tain't gonna be easy,

But I think it's worth a shot.

My two top writers, my crack team, my fun squad...

You came in here pitching me

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